When the world is in chaos
and I feel the need to end it
I take a small piece of paper
and fold

it started as a final act before the world went black
but it now developed into a habit
folding to calm the world once more

I have a collection now
of paper cranes
that saved my life

One and two
Three and four
count the steps
count them more

Follow the path
of unknown traveled
let it guide
where all roads travel

five and six
seven and eight
step by step
come on now

nine and ten
maybe then
this circus act
can end

I sit and scribble
pencil on paper
notes that will be used
once

I sit annoyed at the screen
frustrated the end can't come fast enough
but yet I also want it slow
slow for my others
time to let me enjoy the few moments I have left to cherish
and to finish projects, I have yet to begin

So I sit and write
complete chicken scratch only I can read
as I count down
till the last one comes

The idea is in my head
the brush and paint the medium
the simple thought
to live in a fantasy

slowly the dream becomes true
as others now see
what I saw

As my time draws near
I sit and think of the past
trying to make peace with it all

Unsaid words plagued my mind
The fear of never being able to
made me reach out one last time

Now here we are
playing a game of chance and limbo

unsure what to do next
after our hearts poured out for one another

a simple game
a simple dance
a story left unfinished

will this be the end to my story
or is it just another chapter altogether?

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Sugar is sweet
And so are you
But the sugar bowls empty
Your wrists are stained red
From crimson the flowers bloomed
And a silver blade took your breath
The Roses and dead
The violets too
There is no more sugar
And no more you

Oh silly me
for falling in love

Oh silly me
for thinking it would be possible

Oh silly me
For falling for you

Simple and sweet
**** and dangerous

Yet I care
Oh silly me

To dream of what if
To think of a life
That never happened
To live experiences
That will never pass
Become a fascination of some
A balance of time and life

Some use it to escape
Others use it to grow
Me
I use it to think
To think of him
Of them
What my life could have been
If I had just
Said
Yes.

She sat so peacefully
her hair slowly moving in the breeze
framing her face, so lost in thought

her pen writes words with such speed
you think they were her last
but the story had yet to be completed

At a table for one
so comfortable in her writing
and what ever world she was creating

Finally after the war in my mind was lost
and forever hung in the air on a scale
forever loving, or forever missing

I walked up
and said "Hi, may I sit?"

Late nights when my mind runs
The struggle to be productive
only to be frozen
Endless thoughts
and unable to act upon any of them
But to sleep is impossible
So I sit
paralyzed completely
funny how the times change ones mind

One day I will find you
One day you will find me
One day

but that day is not now
nor is it tomorrow
or the day after

One day
maybe
I will find love

The roar of the crowd
only for a season

every event timed
every event judged

8 seconds
14 seconds
less then 2

all impressive in their own event
and many forget that the roar of the crowd
is only a tiny part of the lifestyle

Many hours
early mornings
late nights
working through weekends and holiday's

We all bow our heads before
praying we never repeat
that rainy day in Cheyenne

With live breathe and respect our game
but we never forget those that is took
nor the ones who got their start
in the Rodeo

She can walk with angles
fight with demons
spread the word like a prophet

Her smile makes anything give
her anger makes them flee
her touch sets fire to a soul

So sweet
so simple
so differnet, then all the others

The money is gone
food is small

"Do you want more?"
"No I'm full"

leftovers become tomorrows dinner
one meal a day helps stretch the thin amount

I have nothing
but the animals looking to me for food

please don't make me say goodbye
when their time is almost gone

please don't take the one
who helps when my mind is a prison

please don't take the little ones
their finally all getting along

Please don't let this end with the tears
of goodbye

please have something give
just even a penny

just something to put food
in their mouths
and payment for shelter

I can live off the snacks
turning them into meals as my body shuts down

but please don't take my children
please don't make me say goodbye before their final breath

"Why are you out there
Your gonna fall"

He's all I look for
All I wish to feel
Just a moment of forever
Once more upon my lips

The gentle caressing
The secrets we shared
The laughs
And the tears

All perfectly chaotic
In the sympathy we called love

But his love is no more
On its way to me
But my body refuses to accept
My heart longing for hi.
My mind racing for a way to be his once more

"Would you let me?
Would you let me fall?
If it ment I was finally with him once more?"

So many
The endless tornado in my mind
Trying to get them together
Still enough to write
Unsure what will happen
But hope that will be free
Much to do
Little time
Would it be worth it
To express all that I experienced
And all that I want?

I stay awake
Thinking of one
While another sleeps

Longing to feel wanted
Wishing to be held once more
Wanting to remember
What it ment to be safe

I lay awake
Unable to sleep
Creating false realities
Just to help me feel

Perhaps another level
Or another page
Might help in this
Long night ahead

Small shards of glass
Precious and rare
Few even know they exist

But when a Angle cries
you watch not just the action
but you feel their soul in pain

The dam they created
finally comes crashing down
as they break


And with time
they build the dam back up
and smile with their glowing smile
once more

always finding the light
through the storm

Thank you for the memories
Thank you for the effort
Thank you for the laughs
Thank you for the cries
Thank you for the pleasure
Thank you for the heartache

just thank you


                                                                                         "You're welcome"

The process begun
Concept of one

But fate and life
And small cries
Changed the motion

With ease and comfort
Pain dulled
And harsh hands turned to those of pleasure

The concept now changed
Settling for two instead of one
A spark of hope
A spark of life

A safe place to rest
After a nasty fall

The doctors tried
But we're unable to bring you off that cliff
That blue urn
Forever holding your gold flecked soul,

A quite night
Silent tears shed

Perhaps this was all the plan

One became two
Jokes about the intensity of drink begin

But in truth
Was this the plan all along
So that one is not passed over in the window?

The bed us still
The room cold
Everything asleep
But the mind
Who longs for another

Last night was full of pain
the agony of pulled ligaments
broken bone
social battery dead
Accepting that the fail would happen

Early rise
hope in the air
body still healing
but just numb to the pain
Fill the tank
grab a bite
only a $1 left in the account
till next week

The road long
traffic hell
the misty sprinkles
making me aware

Read to keep the mind at bay
Count down the time
act like nothing is wrong
despite the eyes

Put on the mask
same as before
"Hi how are you"
"No thank you, have a good day"
The environment still

but smiles and laughs soon filled the air
Getting a glimpse at what once was
filled the heart with hope
of finding it again

Walk out smiling
happy and fun
not admitting the prayers
that this could be the one

Body exhausted
Lack of food and sleep
sleep the day away
then the nightmares will stay at bay

A single call
clarification on already determined decisions
"We pick you, can you do it?"
Joy beyond compression
the body unsure what to do
after being numb for so long

Is this really happening
is this a dream
has the skipping meals
late bills
and fear of going under

finally found the light at the end of the tunnel?

"So why do you have that?"

Because I can't control my past
Because I can't stop my spirals
Because everyone has left me
Because people are scarred of me
Because inside I am a total mess
Because I barely hold myself together
Because I constantly am reminded of what happened
Because I was told I have to high standards
Because every guy used me
Because I don't know how to control myself
"Anxiety"

Oh to tell my story

One of triumph
One of misery

The one where the girl gets everything she wants
And the one where she is left with nothing

The one where I am happy to be me
The one where I hated everything I did

Oh to tell my story
The broken spite fuelled disaster success

Why that would take a lifetime
Are you willing to listen that long?