The concept was simple
Light the candle to see
Light the candle to send back
Light the candle for hope

A deep i took
When the soul and body matched
And a unspoken prayer
To keep safe, and happy

The fire burned
Day after day
The energy visible
The flame dancing in its glass window
A silent hope
Of something to be free

As the wic shortened
The energy I had did too
Using one as a vessel
And consuming everything around
Just like fire normally does

But the last night of 3 of 3
A final hope
21 hours
Before being snuffed for the last time
The flame flickered
Dimmed, and struggled
But where one could not burn
Another stepped up to help
Fueling the other to live
To just hold on
One more dip of wax, one more breath of oxygen
And from 1 to 2 to 1 once more
Brighter then ever before

The flame grew to be steady and strong and bright
A prayer
A hope
Everything free
And through the night
Shaky hands held a glass tube
The heat warm to the touch
Praying for the light to grow

But as luck, or faith perhaps, would have it
The glass melted away
The heat changing from fire to something familiar
And where hands held glass
They held a different pair that were all too familiar

From the scar on the left side
To the healed bone on the right
Strong, warm, comforting hands

"What have I missed?"
"Alot"
"Why me?"
"Because I never could stop loving you"

For the pain I've lived
For the pain I've caused
For the hurt I've seen
For the scars I bear

It would be easy to push it along
Pass on what was not mine to bear
Allow it to slick off me
and be dumped on someone else

But that wouldn't be me
Causing pain to others
No, my path has always had thorns
And even though I may struggle
I still walk through the vines

Wishing
hoping
praying
putting energy into
letting this pain
finally rest

Finally be done with its path of descrution
all for the hope
that I may be the last stop
and no one else will be hurt
because of wishes sent my way

A intended script
A heart felt desire
Stopped and stared

Congrats you did it
At what cost?

Yay your happy
But whose there around you

A intended path
But to end up alone
Due to a miss step on the trail

And then there's a ghost
Surrounded by darkness
But still holding a candle

Small and dim
But does that flame still burn
Or is it a match I see burning?

Is that hope of light
What still calls me at night
When life is cruel
And I'm missing home?

Kicked when I was down
Shoved in the dirt
Held down as I struggled
And the little bit of hope

I was denied what I needed
because I chose life instead of dying,,,,,,
I chose health instead of being sick.....
I chose the right choice....

Why do I continue to suffer
for making the right choices??
I just wanted a better life
why am I punished for that desire
the desire to live????

Simple and sweet
Carefully chosen
Freely given
But out of all the flowers I've received

I've had to show what's under my clothes more
Because showing skin
Is more then recieving flowers

But I really like flowers
And I really hate my body....

The flowers don't hold the bruises
The flowers aren't scared
The flowers
Are just
Flowers

Simple and sweet
And nothing more

It should be simple
do task
be happy

but instead my mind refuses to think about the task
doesn't want to find the drive to do it
Doesn't want to move
Just doesn't

But the task must be done
and maybe
with a little bit of hope
that it will be ok

maybe the task
once be so bad after all

Slowly
one by one
as Time ticks by. so dose the access
One by one
removed and blocked
slowly becoming hidden from view
back into the shadows I live in
your ease of use
your simplicity of speech
now dwindling

I gave a warning
I spoke truth
I didn't bring out the matches
but I like playing with more then just bombs
My fuses long, but they have burned enough
I didn't light the bridge of trust on fire
I just had it rigged

How much longer
till you hear nothing
but a dial tone
and the silence
you feared so much?

Why am I broken?
Why am I traumatized?
Why can't I be loved?
Why can't I be safe?

I share my hopes and dreams
Only for the knife to be sharpened
As it gets pushed into my back...

Is this really suppose to happen
Or is it just the real life
Of my own plot

One where the happy ending
Isn't for the daughter.....

So much emotion
So much built up

Neither understood
Neither tried

"Please, don't go"

A freeze
A solid wall collision
A phrase
Always said
Never heard

Hours of discussion
Building of a new

Understand both differences
A start
Of something only every dreamed

And though there are cracks now
I hope we can fill them for a better foundation
My daring devil

A single phrase
Burned on the scar it created
A single action
A single thought

"Don't be sad"
My body shakes
The fear of the hit
Worst then the actual strike

"I didn't yell this time"
This time...
Will there be another?
Will I be punished again?
Will I be taken advantage of again?

"Are you you still hurt?"
As if a breath or two
Would fix the scar that's bleeding
The mind went silent
A default protection from the pain

The bones healed
But the mind couldn't
Such a fragile piece of thin ceramic
The cracks are there

Was this a hiccup
Or the beginning of another end?

The knife you hold is very sharp
Will I be cut again
Or will you put it down
My devil in disguise?

Happy
Hopeful
Excited
Giddy
Bouncy
Peaceful

And yet all I feel
is the knife back in my chest
that I first felt
a years ago
When I realized
I would always be second

It would be easy
hoping the words I wish to speak
find you in other indirect ways

But alast
only the truth comes out
years later on my silence
on why topics are limited

I cater to you
I've always catered to someone
its what I'm suppose to do
right?

Because my voice is small
because my thoughts and just second thoughts
because my wants, come second?

To be honest
I don't know which is worse
believing I could muster up a lie
or that this time

I'm the one who fell first?

Sitting cross legged
A soul begging for warmth
On the cold night
As the breeze blew by

Hoping that something
Someone
Would want them
For them
And could accept everything they had to offer

A freak occurance
A simple message
A broken and tapped
Still holding on
Olive branch

A promise
A friendship
Pick up where it was left

I thought I was smart
I thought I was strong
I thought.....

Simple actions
Brutal honesty
And images of what could be
Peek through

But the darkness swallows
Covers all the good
Barking and snapping
In the endless tornado
Of pain and misery

A truth
Shared between two
On a sleepless night
And the hope
The belief
Crushed

Because those that love so hard
Always burn too bright
For any candle to hold
More then just a spark......

The repetitive motion

So small
A toe in a shoe
Up and down
A beat of 120
In its own metronome

The bouncing of a leg
The calming movement
The concept of being ok
But is it
When it bounces like a bunny?

Then the hands
Knuckles knocking
So fast so long
Surprising the bones haven't chipped away like stone being carved

Simple
And completely uncontrollable
"Just stop shaking"
I would if I could
But like an out of control coaster
I just have to ride it out
Until the body crashes from exhaustion

So empty
So hollow
Yet still wishing
On the impossible to happen

Perhaps one day
Before years take their toll
And my hair turns grey
I will get to enjoy the lights

Soft glows in the night
A single color among them
A simple walk
Hand in hand

Ah yes
What a dream
The impossible is

Innocent and naive
Small and young
Pretty and warm

But the edges are frayed
The frame a little chipped
The wood spilt
And hanging by a thread

Stich and thread
Time and effort
So much strength
To and another thread
Onto that nail

One by one
A picture is hung back up
It is not what it was
Nor what it could have been

The wood has rot
The nail a little bent
But the picture still hangs
And beautiful and straight as ever