A single drop
A causal meet up

But anything with him
is never just causal

Feelings grow
Hearts break

Memories are sweet and warm
but his words cut like ice

Yet
I still wish for those few moments

where I was his
and he was mine

Marked by teeth
Lips swollen from harsh kisses
and everything I ever could want

Your touch
The sweet way your hands ran across my skin
The taste of your lips upon my neck
The warmth you fueled in me
A feeling I only read
A feeling I did not trust for so long
A feeling I wanted to share with you
Your fingers
mapping out my body
my curves
feeling every secret I held dear
Your desire to see more
To feel my body around yours
But yet
for every interaction
despite the warmth
the fire
the trust
you always found a wrong
at least one thing I should change about myself
one thing to change
to be yours

And yet
after all this time
I just want to feel again
even if you make me cold in the morning when your absent
Even when I can't have the family I long for
Even when I know its wrong

I just want to feel wanted
even for a hour
just once more
to remind me
I can still do something good

Perhaps
Just once
life will be ok
Life will work out

and just once
My life
isn't questioned
or pushed

just accepted
and the right things
finally happen

Because as its told
Karma is either your best friend
or your worth enemy

For once
would someone listen
here what I say and mean
not what was inked?

Would someone help
unravel this mess
help file correctly
help me live?

For one person
its another day in the office
for me
this is my life now...

If only this nightmare could end

A small prayer
A breathless plea
On the lips
of one on their knees

Will this work
Will this help feed and care
for those who can not care for themselves
is this where I am suppose to be

Perhaps
maybe
just hopeful
that I wouldn't end up

where I once was

I saw you again
I was having lunch and you walked in
Ordered a pie to go
And then our eyes met

I got up
Your body was hunched
Your hair a mess
But your eyes were sunken

You went to hug me
But I held out my hand as anger burned
"I can not let you go again
Either you walk away
Or know that I never stopped loving you"

A soft tear fell
And the anger I had
Vanished as I shook my head
My voice above a wishper as I begged
Pleaded I was wrong

"She's home, but not sure if she's gonna make it tonight,
Thought pie would be sweet, since-
Since"
The tears fell as you wrapped me in your arms

The sentence finishing in my head
A small little thing
That we start when we were kids
Have a blast
And celebrate with pie

We stood their
Holding onto each other in the walkway
Tears falling down
As both of moaned the loss to come

Your scent sweet
Your strength surprising
But I felt at home


My phone alarm signals 8 am
I guess it was dream
A dream and a ghost
And nothing more

Your holding me close
Our bodies warm under the clothes
Nothing happening
Just silence under the blanket

Your warm smile
My soft giggle
Your eyes clear for once
And your whole body relaxed

All my scars sore from the hours before
Not where you found them open
But kissed and touched so tenderly

Your chest rising and falling
My fingers planing a tender solo on your arm
For once
It was just us

No expectations
No wishing we were different
Just us
Are we are


But like many hopes
The mirror has cracks and missing pieces
The reflection only one of a dozen around
Perhaps this is how our story was to be made

The one where it's two
Two souls destined to fall
Two mates found
But one
Refused to accept the other
And crushed the small ember of love

A sotyr where the ruthless
Cracks and breaks
The soul torn
Only for a part to find the other
When they give up all hope
Of ever living again

Oh what a story that shall be
One where your the love
And the fall

Oh what a nice story
I'll ink it tonight
The story so perfect
It only needed light

But alas
Just as stated in book 2
"I only can feel you hold me
When I shut the world out
When I have nothing
Only there
Can you love me
Before you turn and left me standing"

Barely a whisper
Controlled and smooth
finally at rest
finally free from the chaos

But as the breath fads
sirens come alive
screams and pleas
fall upon the deaf ears

the trajectory already set
the motion already made
she was happy
she was hopeful

but nothing could protect her
when her home was taken away
poisoned by few
the fire of fear destroying the rest

they made it clear
she wasn't welcomed anymore
so she did what they asked
she removed herself from being a "problem"

too little
too late
yet they get to walk on
no one batting an eye
at the woman IT killed

"i want you in my life"
"I care deeply about you"
"Your voice makes my day better"
"I am so ******* when it comes to you"
"I want you"
"I need you in my life"
"Please don't go"
"I, I love you"
"Just for me, please"
"Oh come on, its not that bad"
"I think you'll cute"
"Just for me, please"
"No, were not doing that"
"I will not do that"
"Because I said no"
"Why does it mater to you"
"Do you even love me?"
"Here let me make it up to you"
"Oh come on, don't be cold"
"It was just a joke"
"Why are you distant"
"Why don't you listen"
"Because I say it's so"
"Like you said, I'm all you have"
"In my house this will be the rule, no exceptions"
"You will do it because I say so"

Countless words
unlimited breaths
all for what
for history to repeat once more?

Not this time
Not this round
Not this year
I won't break under your thumb once more
Because for once, I am choosing myself
And learning to love myself
more then I could love
the false man you played
Your greatest fear, only coming true
You are more like him then you think
And I am glad I am not my mom

Simple and sweet
a sugary high none can match
a endless taste upon the lips

a bitter cup
coated in venom
Endless torment from the remains

Constant attempts
dwindling hope
but in the end

there all just words
so why do they hurt
when told to stop?

Stay up late
be as busy as can be
busy bee
anything to keep the mind distracted
Even as simple
as coloring and forgetting everything

if I stay up long enough
tomorrow doesn't come
and I can stay in the state
of peace and unknown

where everything is fine
and nothing changes
and tomorrow's worries
never come

It was simple
so selfish in practice
a stroke here
a click of keys there

a simple story
a simple concept
both mine to hold
both with happiness

but is it really ok
to compare even in make-believe
and despite the end result

was it really make-believe
or my story all along

one where they do fall in love
only after one soul is completely broken

two books
two stories

a character that wasn't me supposed to be me
really fell for the human who hates angels.....

Endless stream
Comstant voices
Giggles and laughter
Now behind endless walls of stone

A request
A plee
Thrown back in shreds

Miles turned into inches
Hours turned into seconds
It was a shaky bridge being built
But the rot and chard remains still held

Now the distance greater
A time of need
Once more shut out
A desperate attempt
To keep the shards together

But the edges sharp
The cuts deep and swift
Endless silence
As the blood flows out

So much time
so little energy

so much to do
so much left undone

A step here
a waltz there

A endless dance
a fruitless night

A day here
a month there

a dollar paid
a penny earned

*** for tat
and that is that

such simplicity
in the complexity

to fully know
to understand

dive deep
swim in the shallow

Gaze here
gaze there

all the same
once at the end

Such a small voice
silent on the winds
the words silent
to those who turn away

a single promise
a single hope
a single flame

Gone out in the night
a single sound
upon the winds

She tried
and for what
a forgotten name on stone?

The action
innocent
The meaning
purposeful
the reaction
unknown

A single spark
A single question
A single bit of curiosity

And the carefully crafted house of cards
will come crashing down
because in the end
the house always wins

until their caught red handed.

"What are we doing?"

I'm falling
I'm dreaming of you
I long for your touch
Your warmth
Your presence
A home we created
A home I can live in
Because despite everything
And every fight
I still choose you

My dreams use to be with another
A hope on a "one day" prayer
A longing for what I lost

And then you
Shattered my dreams
Shredded my mind into pieces
Made me question my worth
And I still go back to that night

Where actions were louder then anything else
Where I got to know
That love could be with another
And that I could trust another
So yeah
Longing
Falling
Smiling as a heart shatters

"What are we doing?"
"I don't know."

Such a simple act
Pure honesty
Pure trust
So swift
A single action
A dial tone

A voice
Hidden so far down in the depth of a mind
And the winds were the only salvation
The laughs
The jokes
The fun

But as the smiles falter
So too does the memories
So perfect
Under shattered glass
Every touch
Brings blood as payment

Cold nights
Wishing to be held
And flinching at the touch

What happened
What happened to a fearless mind
Surrounded by shards

Uncontrollable
Against my will
Everything runs
Of possibilities of impossible
Is this fate
Or a tick of the mind
Hopping
Begging
For something
Only just out of reach

But what of the past
The anger
The hatred
The cuts that scared
And the choice
"Your family, or me"

God I asked for a sign
But is this really it
When I can't control my memories
When my body
Is not my own
Is this the home
I truely deserve?

Simple
Sweet
Keep it in check
Hold that mask
High and tall
Then show all the pretty smile

Keep it high
Don't let it fall
Keep up your dance
Twirl and spin
Smile and wink
Wave and hug

Act like it's normal
To be the doll you are