"i want you in my life"
"I care deeply about you"
"Your voice makes my day better"
"I am so ******* when it comes to you"
"I want you"
"I need you in my life"
"Please don't go"
"I, I love you"
"Just for me, please"
"Oh come on, its not that bad"
"I think you'll cute"
"Just for me, please"
"No, were not doing that"
"I will not do that"
"Because I said no"
"Why does it mater to you"
"Do you even love me?"
"Here let me make it up to you"
"Oh come on, don't be cold"
"It was just a joke"
"Why are you distant"
"Why don't you listen"
"Because I say it's so"
"Like you said, I'm all you have"
"In my house this will be the rule, no exceptions"
"You will do it because I say so"

Countless words
unlimited breaths
all for what
for history to repeat once more?

Not this time
Not this round
Not this year
I won't break under your thumb once more
Because for once, I am choosing myself
And learning to love myself
more then I could love
the false man you played
Your greatest fear, only coming true
You are more like him then you think
And I am glad I am not my mom

Simple and sweet
a sugary high none can match
a endless taste upon the lips

a bitter cup
coated in venom
Endless torment from the remains

Constant attempts
dwindling hope
but in the end

there all just words
so why do they hurt
when told to stop?

Stay up late
be as busy as can be
busy bee
anything to keep the mind distracted
Even as simple
as coloring and forgetting everything

if I stay up long enough
tomorrow doesn't come
and I can stay in the state
of peace and unknown

where everything is fine
and nothing changes
and tomorrow's worries
never come

It was simple
so selfish in practice
a stroke here
a click of keys there

a simple story
a simple concept
both mine to hold
both with happiness

but is it really ok
to compare even in make-believe
and despite the end result

was it really make-believe
or my story all along

one where they do fall in love
only after one soul is completely broken

two books
two stories

a character that wasn't me supposed to be me
really fell for the human who hates angels.....

Endless stream
Comstant voices
Giggles and laughter
Now behind endless walls of stone

A request
A plee
Thrown back in shreds

Miles turned into inches
Hours turned into seconds
It was a shaky bridge being built
But the rot and chard remains still held

Now the distance greater
A time of need
Once more shut out
A desperate attempt
To keep the shards together

But the edges sharp
The cuts deep and swift
Endless silence
As the blood flows out

So much time
so little energy

so much to do
so much left undone

A step here
a waltz there

A endless dance
a fruitless night

A day here
a month there

a dollar paid
a penny earned

*** for tat
and that is that

such simplicity
in the complexity

to fully know
to understand

dive deep
swim in the shallow

Gaze here
gaze there

all the same
once at the end

Such a small voice
silent on the winds
the words silent
to those who turn away

a single promise
a single hope
a single flame

Gone out in the night
a single sound
upon the winds

She tried
and for what
a forgotten name on stone?

The action
innocent
The meaning
purposeful
the reaction
unknown

A single spark
A single question
A single bit of curiosity

And the carefully crafted house of cards
will come crashing down
because in the end
the house always wins

until their caught red handed.

"What are we doing?"

I'm falling
I'm dreaming of you
I long for your touch
Your warmth
Your presence
A home we created
A home I can live in
Because despite everything
And every fight
I still choose you

My dreams use to be with another
A hope on a "one day" prayer
A longing for what I lost

And then you
Shattered my dreams
Shredded my mind into pieces
Made me question my worth
And I still go back to that night

Where actions were louder then anything else
Where I got to know
That love could be with another
And that I could trust another
So yeah
Longing
Falling
Smiling as a heart shatters

"What are we doing?"
"I don't know."

Such a simple act
Pure honesty
Pure trust
So swift
A single action
A dial tone

A voice
Hidden so far down in the depth of a mind
And the winds were the only salvation
The laughs
The jokes
The fun

But as the smiles falter
So too does the memories
So perfect
Under shattered glass
Every touch
Brings blood as payment

Cold nights
Wishing to be held
And flinching at the touch

What happened
What happened to a fearless mind
Surrounded by shards

Uncontrollable
Against my will
Everything runs
Of possibilities of impossible
Is this fate
Or a tick of the mind
Hopping
Begging
For something
Only just out of reach

But what of the past
The anger
The hatred
The cuts that scared
And the choice
"Your family, or me"

God I asked for a sign
But is this really it
When I can't control my memories
When my body
Is not my own
Is this the home
I truely deserve?

Simple
Sweet
Keep it in check
Hold that mask
High and tall
Then show all the pretty smile

Keep it high
Don't let it fall
Keep up your dance
Twirl and spin
Smile and wink
Wave and hug

Act like it's normal
To be the doll you are

But you hide behind "its normal"
you hide behind "but that's just them"
you hide behind fear of what I know

Do you truly wish to understand
and invisible disability
or are you doing this
to make it look good
when I get the meeting of
"You wont try to work with us
Please take your stuff and leave."

I wear it so nice
the smiles so genuine
the laughs so warm

yet behind the closed doors
music blaring in my ears
drowning my own thoughts

Only then can I be me
but from wearing the mask so long
I
collapse

I hide them well
Under sleeves and excuses
Away from public view

Deep down their healing is
Deep in a place
No surgeon can't reach

Protected by bone
The reality still haunts

"It's just a white scar, who would care about?"

Those that understand
The visible white line
Is nothing compared
To the open wound that never heals

Despite the wraps
Despite the best efforts
The scabs always find a way
To bleed once more

Hidden from the public eye
Hidden deep down
In the prison a mind created

Perhaps the pain I feel
is void for the one in my dreams

perhaps the missing moment I have
are the times when he needs me the most

perhaps the reason my body is breaking
is so his can thrive

at least that would explain
all the medial mysteries