The worst feeling a person can have
Above all else
Is not grief or pain
Nor joy or sadness
Frustration or anxiety
Fear or even love

No the worst feeling
Is confusion
Because if you do not know what is going on
Then how do you know what to do?

Everyone in confusion
Will freeze
Almost paralyzed
Trying to figure out solutions and gain clarity

But when you live in that state
Of unknown and wild possibilities
Is it really hard to believe
That you just started to gain clarity
On the way?

Holiday cheer
Celebrations all around
Everyone buzzing
With a feeling and warmth

A first Christmas here
A first for a pup at work
A first, to be last

The year tough
Money tight
Penny pinching to survive

And now you still expect
Me to give a gift
When I barely afford food?
And for what
Because you say so?

Yeah theres holiday cheer
But the actual reason
You might have forgotten

So tell me again what were celebrating

Is it a thanks for being here,
Or the monetary gifts your looking for?

I use to be ok
I use to be alright by myself
I use to enjoy new things
I use to enjoy the freedom

Mental state got worse
I now need a service dog
When my mind tail spins
And when a safe hug
Turns into a flash back of pain

I use to be ok
Now the momeories haunt me
Keep me awake at night
Force my body to collapse in the day
All because my mind is a prison

Now I struggle with words
The articulation a difficulty
Where I use to give speeches without a stutter
Now I'm tounge tied every hour
My mouth fully of taffy
And for what?

I use to be ok
I use to function
Why is my brain
Locking me out of the world
I grew up living in?

Your dark smile
Your cold eyes
The souls to hold
Cry out in agony and sorrow

You try to best
To hide the flaws
Your bones show
The cracks time create

None the wiser of the deal you made
An enteral life
Full of sorrow and pain
Full of broken hearts
A simple deal
To be with the one
Who took your heart

Time forgot their name
A whisper in the wind
A melody in the leaves
A voice upon the birds

Time is not cruel
For each crack you develop
New life begins

You can try to hide your past
Hide your honest self

But one day
That light you hold so close
Won't be a single candle flame
Anymore