When I finally reach the end of my time

Look for me in hoof prints
Of those who run free

Hear my voice upon the nickers and neighs
of delight and play

Feel my heart beat
As two become one

Only then can you experience what I loved
What gave me a reason the live

Do not shed any tears
Do not scream in wallows

Find me where I thrived
And treat those who can not speak
With the kindness you showed me

When everything I knew comes crashing down
When every night I can't sleep
When I want to burn and shred my skin off
When it feels like I'm a human voodoo doll
when I shut down
When my mind wont have any motivation
When my past decides to come beat me up again
When I believe the lies I tell myself
When I run from everything that is good
When I let others abuse and use me, just so I'm not alone
When I let the dark thoughts win for a moment or two
When I just want to sit and cry
When I want to put down my armor

How can I tell you
everything wrong with me
and still expect you to believe me
when I say
"I'm fine?"