Your eyes cut
The coldness you produce
You look at life like it's a game
Like you want to master a poker face

So still you stand
Eyeing everyone else
Your careful words
Like knives in the heart

But when your walls crumble
Your defense down
By God's the sound of your voice becomes warm
So bright and exciting
And you act like you did back then

Why did you chance
Why did you become cold?

"Because I had to live through my own breaking, to understand why when I looked at you
Through your lovely deep brown eyes
Why their was always cracks I could never make go away
I understand them now....."

A simple idea
Turned into a yearly tradition
A celebration unknown

All plastic
Just the preserve the concept
The vase changing every few

"Who gave you so many roses, and why are they purple?"
"I bought one every year"
"Why?"
"Cause at least someone celebrates a birthday."
"Who's?
"A old friends"


The next year
There was a real blue rose amongst the bouquet of purple

Your smile is brighter
You get that look on your eye
The almost unnoticable tilts of your head

You look at peace
You look content
Almost life a breath of fresh air
Leaving your body

But the reality sets back in
The thorns of truth strangle your lungs
But that hope

That tiny hope in your eye
Still longs for that thing
You both called love

You wanted me to be independent
Taught me skills to survive
Gave me wisdom beyond my years

But when I finally break free
Your talons of the past dig in
Refusing to accept
That I have moved on

"Be a good daughter"
"Bite your tongue"
"Resepct your elders"

Each day I master the fake smiles
No one the wiser of my pain
And then you stay

Unknowingly forcing me to keep my one act play
Going on through out the night
Finally realizing

That what you yell and scream
"Not spending time with family"
Is what I always done

Hide away the pain and misery
Play the part of a happy family

Now your upset
Lash out
Just because I got free of the talons from the past

Some daughter I've become
The one holding the world
The one that everyone depends on
The one barely holding on
And all you care to see

Is all my flaws of my past
And not what I have done
Unless it makes you look good

I thought I was better

Accepting that time
Forced me to move on
Accepting that life
Had finally gave me a break

A break from pain
And misery
And heartache

I thought I was better

Being able to speak your name
The small uncontrollable smile
That always crosses my lips
Warming my heart
Being able to remember our time with fondness

But as soft as you memory is to me
The razor edges cut deep
The longing for your ghost
To not be a ghost anymore

Is this my curse
Forever longing one
That settled for those that punish him
Despite knowing what love really is?

I started my own company
I wrote a book
I got a dog who helps everyday
I moved out on my own
I have a really good job

But despite that I still miss you
Even though I'm grateful I agreed
That October morning
I do sometimes wonder
How life would change

If we never split at all?