It’s been a matter of years now,
Each day stretches out slowly,
But I feel like I met you yesterday.
I can recall your smell,
The shape of you has been etched into my heart.
Your imprint lasting forever in its spongy composition.
You’re the only one I loved.
You’re the only one I love.
You will forever be my love.
It’s painful to except it,
But you are.

My brain runs
Tierd of sleeping
Tierd of the pain

And yet my body
Refuses to move

Simple things
So exhausting
Yet I can't sleep
For my brain does not brain right now

Such a strange thing
Standing perfectly in Night and Light

Such a strange occurrence
on a porch at night

Seeing both the options of life
Enter in blinding light
or embrace the shadow of night?

The known
The seen
Bathed in comfort
Bathed in Light

The Unknown
Shadows hold their nightly ball
Night becomes Darkness

Ones own being torn in two
Embrace the known
or face the Unknown

where everything is challenged
but only in darkness
can the smallest lights
burn the brightest

and one finds comfort once more
in the company they hold

"You doing ok?"

It was innocent
Came from a place of compassion
Empathy even
For the devastation thing called life

You call me a friend
Surprise I come when offered
Not knowing till later
No one else invites me for things

Despite the laughs
Despite the masterful smile I showed
You saw through it
Saw the pain in my eyes

The one thing I've begged for someone
Anyone
To do
And yet, I built that wall higher

The one of my own self isolation
The one where the past and present blur
The one, where no can hurt me if I'm alone

You were genuine
Kind
Caring in time of need
And I still lied to your face

What kind of friend am I
When I want to be safe place for everyone
And can't seem to let others do the same for me

Me, myself and I
The closest friends I have
What kind of monster have I become now?

Pinch here
spend there
everything way fine
until it all froze

I had budgeted
one more week
one more amount
that never came

Better job
Sell a house
All because
what I promised wasn't there

"Your lazy"
"Not good enough"
"Not trying"
but how can I try

when my government failed me
just because they want to yell at each other
instead of helping those
with a penny to our name