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Slowly
Everything has been slow
except a gifted mind
and now
everything is moving like a bullet train
How I keep up
is a mystery in its own
But slowly
just like a snail
everything is falling into place
the right place
and the correct clicks are heard
This tower that has been shaky
has now the base I needed
to launch
and hope I can strap in
and hold on as it takes off
"So why do you have that?"

Because I can't control my past
Because I can't stop my spirals
Because everyone has left me
Because people are scarred of me
Because inside I am a total mess
Because I barely hold myself together
Because I constantly am reminded of what happened
Because I was told I have to high standards
Because every guy used me
Because I don't know how to control myself
"Anxiety"
Why must this idea be caged
Why must I be tormented with the knowledge
Why can I not just let it flow
like it did before
Why must it be unscalable wall
I am faced to see
Why must this story be so hard to write
Why have I fallen out of love with my characters
Why can't I write like I use to
"Why did you do all of this? What was your driving force to create this?"

"I wanted to give my children the world I dreamed and escaped to, because dragons could be defeated with a sword or food, and a kingdom needed a hero to praise."
I thought about you
the sweet night we spent under the dim lights
The feelings I had were bubbling up

Your name caused a sharp pain
Uncertainty of why
I almost reached out
almost

I reread our last messages
5 months ago
and almost broke again
form the pain your words had
the red truth

and no mater how much I wish for you
You will always be the monster
that shouts scripture
and refuses to follow it
Your image but a blur
the years skewing the memories
But I still look for you
The boy I met in the caffiteria
The teen I dated
The man I fell in love with

If only it could have been simple
So sweet to a puppy love or high school romance
but I know what we had
what I felt
was deeper then just what was seen

even as the years tick by
I still look for your angle wings
I still look for my little shadow who wanted to be you
I still look for love that you let me taste
so sweet
so kind
you accepted me for me
and I for you
despite you telling me you were not worth it

My angle
my twin flame
my soulmate
shall I ever find a love like that again?
or will your names
be the one that haunts my lips?
Its been months seen I've seen your face
yet I could see it clearly as the fence flew by
and that swift sweet moment
came rushing back in clarity

Was this my mind
accepting that I was moving on
or was this you
calling out once more
hoping that we salvage the destruction we created

My little devil
you still haunt my dreams
you still have part of my heart
but I need to find a new

I want the peace you search for yourself
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