Only
thats the common word now
only

only if
only then
only maybe

only

Could everything finally fall into place?
Could this only cliff
that I have been struggling to get to
finally be within grasp
and something I can stand on?

just only for a moment?

How to love you
when everyone sees something different

How can I love you
when you torment my sleep
make the daylight painful
and every moment full of guilt

How to love you
when everyone thinks your perfect
or some how amazing

And yet
I get the sleepless nights
the constant torment
and lack of security
on things that should be certain

Would they still love you
if they saw the cracks and holes
or would they be like me

and struggle to love myself

Who would care
if I just stop trying

Who would care
if I just stop fighting

Who would care
if I stay in bed all day
miss a meal
stay up all night

Who would care
if I needed the help

after being strong for everyone else
Who would care


to be strong for me?

It was right there
A sweet taste of happiness
I got my creative spark back
Finally able to complete projects
But I guess I burned too bright
To much for my candle to handle
The nightmare returned
The sleepless nights
My mind in reverse of everyone else

But so quickly is that spark of energy
Drowned by a secret heavy weight I carry

I just want to wish this all a dream
A dream
I can wake from...

I was getting better
I promise I was...

Its finally back
That spark I feel
when creativity sparks
Everything at my fingertips
My brain constantly thinking
I finally feel comfortable living
with my characters once more
The carvings come to life
And everyone praises me

And even though I have a brand new light bulb
Why do I feel
completely encased
in darkness
once more?