I am empty
The gut-wrenching feeling I have had
these past few days
as made it hard to breath

The endless self-doubt
a constant reminder that I am not worthy of anything
constant pain of walking on eggshells
a constant hole in the heart
from being bitten when trying to feed

I feel numb
numb to emotion
numb to pain
numb to love

The pain is still raw
the idea your actually gone
still hurts
even if I know it was the right choice

Maybe one day I will do the barn and coop
maybe one day I won't feel pain when someone says your name
maybe one day I'll remind myself what it is to be happy
without putting on a fake smile
maybe one day

one day you will become a memory
but someone I will never forget
one I am glad to have known
despite the constant fights

it was always nice to have a friend
when you needed it

One lives on a phone
One lives a thousand miles away
One forgot I exist
One refuses to answer
One stopped reaching out
One left me when I needed someone
and one didn't want to understand

so many people
so many people I called "friend"
if only
just maybe
I could give that title to one

and they hold it close
like me

I shouldn't jump at atouch
I shouldn't fear love
But I do
And it's too no one
But myself