That night
My mind reminds me when I'm alone
Causing the mind to run to what if's

What if it could happen again?

My body craters your touch
You firm kisses
Your caressing hands
The soft growls you made

My nerves turn to fire
And I want to run to you
Run and not regret what happens

But in reality
Though I will never tell you
I just torture myself
For something I know
Will never happen

Even if I wish my little devil
To the memory I never forget

I thought it was simple
I thought it was just missing someone
A connection that no longer exists
I thought I had grown use to it
I thought.....

But it's a new feeling
A new pain
A new gut stabbing twisting of the knife heartache
To feel utterly and completely alone
When next to someone
Who calls you a friend......

Oh time
why must you move so slowly when I don't need it
and fast when I do?
Why must the important seconds
be mere moments in life
and those I don't hold dear
are the ones you elongate all day?

I could feel your hands
They way they held me close
Your soft voice
Whispering in my ear
I turned to look at you
But the empty bed
Told me it was only a dream I had

It started off innocently
Me trying to prove a point
Where there was none to be made
"Just play along, see what he does"
I was suppose to get clarity

Clarity on life
Clarity on feelings
Clarity on me

But this game has evolved
Where I now face a new opponent
One I don't wish to play

'Play along, see what she'll do'
Am I that skilled
That I can fool the one
I've been with my whole life

Or am.i that broken
That I wish to make a copy of myself
Where no one would miss me
And life continued as it is

But then I could finally
Let go of the hesitation
And finally have a silent mind
Once again?