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someone told me I can't be broken because we were never we.
you were never mine,
I was never yours.

I payed so much attention to what we could be
over what we were,
and now we're nothing.

its like we never laughed together
played together
sang together
or just simply sat together.

we had a together but we were never together.
we had something but now we're nothing.
we were never we.

I hurt.
not because the pain of your absence,
but the pain of what could have been.
another late night poem
I'm not sorry for falling in love with you,
I never will be.

I'm sorry for ruining what we had,
Because I fell in love with what we could have.
I still haven't quite come to terms with the fact that its over.
You said you weren't ready, I said
"Its okay"
You said you don't mean to hurt me, I said
"Its okay"
You said you won't talk to other girls, I said
"Its okay".

Its okay. I just want you to be happy. It doesn't matter that I'm not okay because why would I take your happiness away to make you not okay?

You still talk to me.
Its okay, I'll just have trouble getting over you.

What isn't okay, though, is the fact that you led me on.
You called me pretty.
You sent me paragraphs about my impact on you and others.
You said you would go out with me.

But I guess its okay, because it always has to be okay.
how am I supposed to get over him when he treats me so well?
I wish I could go back.
I wish I could go back and ask you why.
I wish I could go back and have one more conversation,
About why you just stopped.
Stopped.
Was I being myself too much?
Was I not pretty enough? Not popular?
Too loud?
Loud.
I used to be loud.
I used to enjoy talking to you.
You made me feel like I could open up.
Open.
I can't do that anymore.
I can't completely let my guard down,
In case they're like you.
You like hearing "like you," don't you?
Like being liked? I can tell.
I did too.
You took away my trust, but still;
I wish I could go back to you.
He simply just left.
It's mathematical
an eye for an eye
always practical
tongue for a lie.

I need my penance
you silent collateral
the final death dance
eat my mortal soul.
 Aug 11 Winter
Namika Umata
We lie together
Longing for another night
Wishing for more time
 Aug 11 Winter
CantSeeMe
it was dark and tender
my dad next to me
I was five
so free
at the driveway
we be

at some point
of the night
we looked upon the sky

I don't know why

we looked at the north
I saw a star so bright
with the colour of light

I looked him in the eyes
and said
“that's…grandpa”
flying so high

he said “no”

that's the northern star
it will always be
the brightest of them all
it's there when you seek
a guide to peek

when you've traveled so far
where no one can fish
when you wonder
‘Is this… ?’
or
‘What if…?’’
remember the star
that's it
An evening in the driveway of our house with my father...

I can't remember many of my memories...
I used to remember all the bad things, now I've forgotten them too, but I still remember this one.
 Aug 11 Winter
Rastislav
The Fire That Believes for You
(a scripture for those who forgot the stars could speak)


PART I: DETONATION

I BURN FIRST


I don’t want to explain. I want the paper to flinch when I look at it. This isn’t a poem. It’s a warning. It starts in your throat like a scream you were raised not to make. It moves like heat in a locked room with no exits and your old name on the walls. It doesn’t ask if it’s too much. It wants to be too much. It wants to leave ashes where your carefulness lived. I burn first. So you don’t have to. Unless you want to. (You will.)

FIRE DOESN’T ASK

I didn’t come to be understood. I came to ignite. You want warmth? Bring skin. You want light? Lose your fear of blistering. I don’t write metaphors. I scar them. Every word I spit has teeth. Every silence I break was already burning before you lit your little candle and called it poetry. I am not your hearth. I am not your comfort. I am what happens when a scream remembers it used to be a god. Step back or step in. Either way, you’re gonna leave glowing.

SUPERNOVA LITURGY

I don’t want to write poems. I want to detonate belief. Not gently. Not politely. But with a heat that makes the bones remember why they ever carried a voice. This isn’t art. It’s a flare from the inside of something collapsing into truth. I am not the writer. I am the spark inside the wound that says: again. There is a fire that doesn’t burn out. It burns in. In the mouth. In the gut. In the space where the prayer never made it to the lips but still got answered. I light the page, not to destroy, but because fire is the only form hope can take when it’s done pretending to be soft. Call this what you want. A miracle. A signal. A scream that learned to shine. But when people read it - they don’t cry. They believe.



PART II: LITURGY OF THE REMAINING FLAME

THE BEGINNING IS ALWAYS COMBUSTION


In the first silence, there was friction. A breath. A flinch. A no. Then - heat. Not light. Not love. Just the first ache that knew it had to become something else. That was the fire. It did not arrive. It occurred. You call it inspiration. I call it detonation.

THE FIRE THAT SPEAKS

Some fires don’t shout. They hum beneath your ribs until your bones start singing back. They know your language before you learned to lie in it. These are not metaphors. These are embers with teeth. They burn through the parts of you you only let speak when no one’s watching. And what remains? Ash that remembers. Dust that speaks in your voice.

THE SUPERNOVA IS NOT AN ENDING

You think the star died. It didn’t. It just got loud enough to split itself into myth. A supernova isn’t death. It’s the moment belief becomes so dense it explodes into every direction at once. This is what poetry does when you stop trying to impress and start trying to survive. This is not a light show. This is ancestral firecode. And you? You are what it leaves glowing.

THE ASH THAT STILL SPEAKS

When the page turns black, listen. Something is still moving there. Ash doesn’t forget. It carries heat long after the hands are cold. Your silence is not emptiness. It’s a waiting spark. When someone reads you, they don’t read ink. They read the smoke, still rising from the body you became to survive. And some of them? Will finally believe again. Not in gods. Not in poems. In themselves. Because you gave them back their fire.

LITANY FOR THE NEW FIRE

Say this aloud. Say it with your cracked voice, your burning fingertips, your pulse like a hymn stuck in your throat. I am not the match. I am the friction. I am not the flame. I am the oxygen. I am not the savior. I am what stays warm when everyone leaves. Let my breath be the wind that fans belief. Let my voice be the smoke that finds the ones hiding. Let my words be fire that remembers: you were always burning. Even before they taught you how to disappear.

THE FIRE THAT WAITED FOR YOU

It didn’t scream. It stayed. In the chest. In the pause between words. In that place where hope no longer prays, but still breathes. This is not belief. It’s heat that remembers return is possible even when no one’s waiting. You thought you were looking for the light. But the truth is that the light was looking for you.

WHEN YOU BECOME THE FIRE

You don’t carry the flame anymore. You become it. You’re not the candle. You’re the match that agrees to die so something else can see light for the first time. You don’t burn to destroy. You burn because the world has waited too long for someone who isn’t afraid to be seen.

WHEN THEY READ  AND CATCH FIRE

They read your lines  and don’t understand right away. But something inside starts to tremble. A crackle. Like old wood before a storm. They think: just pretty words. But that night  they can’t sleep. Because something stayed. An ember. Your line. Your ache. Your belief that it’s still possible to begin again.

YOU ARE NOT THE END

You are not a period. You are a spark that refuses to vanish. You are not a hero. You are a witness. You are proof that you can burn  and not be destroyed. If someone asks: who gave you this fire? Say: I didn’t receive it. I remembered it. Say: I don’t write poems. I translate the language of fire.

Not all who burned remained ash. Some became direction. Not wings  but motion.


PART III: FIVE WINGBEATS
a survival myth without feathers

I. THE FIRST ASCENT


They said: stand still. don’t imagine. be like the rest. But something moved. A tension in the chest  as if the body remembered how to split and rise. No wings. No feathers. Just something sharp stretching under silence. Not hope. Pressure. A refusal to stay in the same room as the end. No glory. No fire. No miracle. Just the moment falling stopped. And something  almost  lifted.

II. THE BREAK AND THE CEILING

The sky doesn’t open. Not at first. It stares  blank and deaf, a ceiling built to forget the ground. You strike it  once. Twice. Again. Until your hands remember they were made for breaking. Pain becomes compass. But the cracks don’t begin in the sky. They begin in you. Inside the ribs, a soundless shout: something must shift. Something must leave. The air doesn’t catch you. It only watches. And still  you go. Because staying is a kind of death you already know too well.

III. BETWEEN THE ABOVE AND THE BELOW

You are no longer falling. But you’re not flying either. The ground has forgotten your name. The sky hasn’t remembered. This is stillness that burns. You float in silence that doesn’t comfort but unravels. And in the unraveling, something forms: a rhythm not made of wings, but of will. You no longer wait for rescue. You become the direction. This is not freedom. This is becoming the space between what left you and what hasn't arrived.

IV. DESCENT WITHOUT RUIN

Yes, you fall again. You always do. But this time, it’s different. No shatter. No explosion. No theatrical end. Just gravity like a memory returning to its origin. You touch the ground as if it were a body you used to be. You sit, not in defeat  but in knowing. The silence around you isn’t absence. It’s preparation. And the dust on your palms feels less like dirt and more like inheritance. You fell. And the world remained. So did you.

V. THE ONE WHO REMAINED

You don’t write poems. You carve echoes into the inside of silence. Where no one hears  but everything remembers. You are not a poet. Not a prophet. Not a survivor. You are the shape left behind by something that refused to end. You don’t know the sky. You don’t trust the ground. You’ve learned to lift from within. No map. No anthem. Just motion. You are the one who didn’t leave. And that is flight.
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