I, young and hopeful, dreamt you
With your neat haircut
And the laugh at the corner of your mouth.
I dreamt you calm and reserved,
Sharp and smart,
Smiling yet sad.
I also dreamt that you loved me.
Yet it took me years
Of desperate search
Among all mortals
And all fictional characters
Before I was blessed with your sight.

I dreamt you held my hand
And promised you'd come to me.
I know I waited long
Until I almost killed you.

I think I did **** you in fact
But you rised from the dead
And came out of my dream
To haunt me for real.


-- Eleanor

What is it that is consuming
Your insides like fire
Did the Australian forests?
I ask you because
When you get so sorrowful
And you take your love for me back
It's exactly what happens to me.
And it's exactly how I feel now.


-- Eleanor

Can someone, anyone
Please tell me how to stop,
How to drop,
How to mop
My love for him
So that I am never
Open again.


-- Eleanor

Certainty was nights
Of elaborate thoughts
About death and the morose,
The perfect vow and a white rose.

Certain were you of your pride,
Certain were I by my side.
Certain was a freshly manicured
Garden and our love her guide.

Uncertain now my hours,
Uncertain your words,
Uncertain everything we own
From the portion to her third.

Uncertainty our story is
Of constant lies and ignoring
When you come to me at night
And only then you want me.

I am certain about this uncertainty.


-- Eleanor

What can you say more
Any more black eyes,
Lungs filling up with tar,
Any more twinkly skies.

What can you say more
Any more than your distance,
Heart decorated with scars,
Any more of your absence.

I hear I love you twice a day
And I don't love you the rest.
I hear your boredom filled up
With you knowing I love you best.


-- Eleanor

His actions hurt,
His words heal.

His eyes when open
Are quite unreal,
His heart in his hands
Dead and half sealed.


-- Eleanor

I love him
Like the knot in my shoulder limb
Only I like to touch him.

It hurts but I like
How it hurts.

Something broken
Something alive.


-- Eleanor