How could you tell me
About space
And still get sad
About the smell of wet dirt
And suicide.

Even after the sun died
I would be by your side.


-- Eleanor

Not too long ago,
Slightly under two months
There were miles between
Who I was outside
And who I was within.
It was dark all around
Like a wallflower
That grew only in hell
Because it fed on fire,
And hell, didn't I provide it?

Not too long ago,
I thought and not only thought,
I felt that all I was within
Was needles,
And cigarette burns
And agonising stabbing.

Until lately,
Slightly under two months ago,
I woke up
With a soul cold like my bed
And that was not a surprise
But my heart warm,
Tried to flutter and take off
Like a butterfly
That fed on winter
To welcome the spring.

And that's the cycle of life
Between the day and the night.


-- Eleanor

This feeling takes me back
To five year old me
Who found a moon
In the daylight
And thought it was mine alone.


-- Eleanor

I see your arm get blue
From the elbow to the finger.
You point to a full moon
And accuse her of adultery.

I see your eyes get wider,
Even darker,
They pour out of their sockets
Like spilled ink onto a thin sheet
And stain the tablecloth
The way she stained your bed
The way she stained somewhere else.

I see your hair change colours
To match your different zodiac signs.
Sometimes it's green, how envious.
Sometimes it's amber, fierce yet delicate.
Sometimes it's black,
When the constellations are nowhere
To be found.
Sometimes it's black, when you look at me
And see nothing.

I see your tongue get a sharp red,
And you talk an alien language
I have to decode every word
With its own algorithm.

Then I see the rest of you turn blue
Turn blue, turn blue.


-- Eleanor

Sometimes my tongue gets stuck
On sentences like, you are full of,
You are full of, you are full of.
But never really know
What you are full of.
I tear my lungs open
And offer you my shiniest gemstone
Ironically, when my ribcage
Is carbon and rust alone.
Your gaze reflecting in my window
Glass a ghostly grim
Foreseen and fuelled
By my own fire and anger
And juxtaposition.


-- Eleanor

I abandoned my dream
My bed, my little garden
And my pet.
I abandoned my past
With everything in it;
Ugly and beautiful the same,
Boring and funny and lame.
I abandoned my hair,
My midnight routine,
My nails, my skins,
My high and my mood swings.

I abandoned me
And sailed toward you.


-- Eleanor

I remember you
As you have always been,
in your purest form
Of serenity.

I remember you
Floating in an ocean
Of white and cold
And premature quiet.

I remember the rich
And stagnant signal
That connected to your unplugged senses
Through cables of life and misery.

You were peaceful
Right there with no gravity
And nothing to pull you to it
Like an old unforgiven crime
And cell bars of glum and metal.

I remember you,
Because I was right there
Next to you.
That's how our fingers touched
And broke down eternity.


-- Eleanor