Not figuratively, but literally.  It's called zoo. Inter species

coupling.  My wife is a sheep.     But let me tell you how it all

began...

    When I was ten, I knew I was attracted to animals when I put

lipstick on a pig and we made out behind the barn.   Later that

year my uncle started hiding his dog Sadie whenever I came by

because I had to go to the hospital when I put peanut butter on

my ***** and instead of licking it off, Sadie bit it.

Later when I was 12 I couldn't help but admire the hind

quarters of my uncle's donkey.  Such a fine ***, I mean donkey.

Hee haw.

I still keep in touch with Sadie, if a dog can keep in touch.

Needless to say we don't play fetch the stick, too many bad

memories. You know dog spelled backwards is God? So that

helps justify my love for Sadie.

Any way, when I was 14 I got arrested for fence hopping. That's

when you sneak into someone else's property and  f*ck  their

animals.

And it was only later when as an adult, I met my wife the sheep,

who is named Angelica, because of her white angel- like wool.  I

met her on a animal *** farm up North called "Loving Nature".

It's a ranch where there is a whole sub culture going on. Like a

**** Noah's Ark.

A guy on the internet married us so it's bound to be legal.  If she

ever has baby lambs, they will end up with my Irish nose. Just

kidding, ha ha.

So that's how I came to love animals and married  my wife

Angelica, the sheep. PETA doesn't understand  me but I think the

animals like it. I never heard one say no or stop.

It was a perfectly good all-purpose metal trash can. Shouldn't of been haphazardly discarded for the want of a new one. Evidently this was my reasoning at the time as I saved it from oblivion and tossed it in the back of my pick-up truck never knowing the dire ramifications this action would entail.

   Tossed in the back of the truck, rattling around, while Jr. Boy and me mosied down some back road. When our world changed.
That night.
As Jr boy, hiding in the trash can, as the sky fell in firey chunks of read hot magma burning and incinerating everything.  Flames leaping as any thing flamatory flamed, anything burnable burned.  Soon digging holes for water, eating bugs for food But surviving.  
For want of a trash can.
You carry on Jr boy. Your daddy loves you.  The world needs you.

I'd love to peer into that brain of yours and see the actual mechanics of your thinking.  Where those creative juices of yours throb and pulse. Ya, I'll drink to that.

   Maybe use one of them scopes to explore the left ventricle of your heart (you know, that chamber of the Heart that pumps blood through the aorta).  Figure out that sensitive heart of yours.

   Explore the rubber consistency of the lining of your lungs. With that heaving chest and ******* of yours, those lungs must be so healthy in their pinkish hue.   Just some barstool thoughts while waiting for closing time.

   Staring into this shot glass in front of me, my memory harkens back to the time you cut your arm and I ****** the blood from it, so salty and all.  I want to bottle you up in a liquid formula or capsulize your essence in a unique pill form where I can digest and absorb you and grow new cells from the energy I receive from the calories of your precious body.

   Maybe with the power of your bodies flesh I can grow a sixth toe, develop a third eye, build an *****.  I love you so much I could eat you up!

   Barkeep says this is last call so I better drink up and be on my way.  I wonder what your left ventricle really looks like under close inspection?  
   Just wondering, do you have any x-rays of your body I could have?
                                             See ya,   Creepy  Ray Ray

Willoughby is the name. And if I can't express my unique and unconventional way of writing here on Hello Poetry as a shock poet,  I'll get angry and leave.  And believe me, you don't want me to get angry (I've been known to get so angry I wet myself).  Following is an example of my style. (WARNING:  If your eyes start to burn, turn away for a few seconds.  You'll be fine).

Reuters news service.  This just in...

PROJECTILE ***** MAN ARRESTED

Dateline:  New York City ---
   Charlie Jenkins, the projectile vomiter of New York is behind bars after 24 incidents of vomiting on people who had made him angry. From rude waitresses to aggressive beggars to mean hotdog venders, he didn't discriminate.

   He apparently could throw up at will and spew it Like a weapon on his unsuspecting victims.  When confronted he would claim that he was just sick with the flu and had no control over it and you can't get mad at someone who is sick can you?

   The judge had to search the laws to call it an assault at the courtroom yesterday and then was promptly vomited on by the man with the nickname known as Up-Chuck Charlie.

   Charlie was quoted as saying, " It's like a super power and there are a lot of jerks who deserve my kind of vengeance and if I punched them I'd go to jail, this way I leave them humiliated and soiled in ***** and get to walk away".  Sorry Charlie, not this time.

    Susan Clark from channel 2 news asked but why do such a disgusting thing, why? Charlie replied,"Why do I do it?  I do it for the same reason that a dog licks his own *****...because I can.

One night at a bar:


I asked her what her name was.  She said she had no name.  Her

parents never got around to giving her one. This was very

curious and I found myself suddenly interested.

So I asked her if I could call her some time. She said she never

got around to getting a phone either. Didn't feel the need.

She kept saying sorry, she had to go. So I told her I'd give her a

ride to anywhere.  She said she didn't believe in cars, religiously.

Wait now.  She had no name, she had no phone and didn't use

cars?    I said where do you come from, Mars?  She said she had

no history either, and then she was gone!

For some reason I get the strange feeling she was trying to avoid

me.

Maintenance man she's needing
     From her high-rise condo perch
          With its view of the lake.

I stood still as she's feeding
      insults to besmirch
          me without a break

"I shouldn't be pleading
     do you know what I'm worth
          for heaven sake"

Even in the Garden of Eden
    a paradise on earth
         lived the snake.

Cruel punishment is when your ***** itch in a Strait jacket. Or your issued a rubber spoon.  Who can I stab with that! Or when you  hide things in your " Prison wallet" and when they strip search you and you spread your naked legs open all of its contents falls out. Embarrassing!  (Thought you might be interested).

While in solitaire, yearned for any bright color. Like to paint. Not allowed. Had to improvise. Drew images on the walls. Used my human paint. But a guy gets tired of drawing with the same color brown after a while (passing this info on to you).

I Caught a fly the other day pulled it's wings off. It was like having a little crawly pet. This was the highlight of my week (thought I'd tell you about it).

I've gotten real good using a mop.( Just thought you'd like to know).

If I could just get my ***** paroled for a night, but the wardens a Taurus and I'm a Gemini. He needs a life coach and more of the spice, arsenic in his food. (Thought you would be interested).

Anyway, get this message to Nick.  Hopefully it won't be censored.
Tell him ####### when ##########  be ###### and ##### #### the ####### can ################ so ############### to #######    He'll understand.  
Keep that hidden key handy.  I'll even dig around in there to find it if need be. (Thought I'd write you this).

P.S.   Send ****!