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Nameless Sep 2014
I am stuck.
Not by choice
but rather simply by consequence.


I am
too young and too old
too shy and too bold
too anxious and too calm
too busy and too bored


I'm not sure how I got here.
I'm not sure if I am here
or if I'm in-between one place
and the other
stuck in limbo.


The space between
this one metaphysical place
and the other
laughs at me.


It knows
I can’t be
bothered
to move,
because I don’t
know how.


So I am stuck
between one and the
other
but still
nowhere near
the happy medium.
Nameless Sep 2014
when you feel me,
you become an artist.
shattered thoughts rolling off your tongue
making you taste the blood that made you a warrior.

my presence is the rain
forcing you to stay inside where it feels like there are too many mirrors,
waiting for you to unveil who you are despite efforts.

you see, happiness is just a ****.
it grows and climbs whenever it may wish,
wherever it wants.
but I, have roots.
and purpose.
and the intention to make you see
that you cannot pull me from the depths of this earth.
I will grow and grow and make my presence unforgettable.
and the fruits of my soul will be beautiful,
don't be fooled by dips or curves or imperfection
because the milk of this earth flows in valleys.

I am that look of disappointment from your father,
I am scraping your insides and rattling your bones
until that person you never thought existed comes out,
I am fire rolling off tears,
I am the sound of scribbles in the dark,
I am the soundtrack to the life living beneath the sheets,

but I am also your best friend.
I will make sure that though it feels as if your bones are cracking,
your ribs stay intact to protect your heart.
I will show you
that though I seem unpleasant,
the best things in life don't come wrapped in pink bows,
because you certainly didn't.
you came onto this planet with blood and pain
and you challenged the machinery of our own bodies for your creation.
so stop labeling me
as evil or pure,
wrong or right,
wanted or unwanted,
and just feel.
Nameless Sep 2014
I guess I will do something like homework.
Purposeful, delivered with instructions – to be completed.

But I cannot forget those shadows on the building nearby.
The way the sky does not know whether or not to be blue
or cloudy.
So it rests on the roofs in order to
contemplate its decision.
I remind him to breathe – as well as I.

There, that helps.

Now we can follow the linear direction of the telephone wires.
Train tracks in the expanse. They allow for geometrical
and purposeful
sense to be made of it all.

****. They led me right to the clock!
How could they?
The time I did not need.
Why did my eye follow that line so faithfully?

Now those minutes that I lost and forgot all line up outside my door.
Waiting to be counted and named. But I cannot go to the door and let them in.
There just isn't enough room in this small apartment!

So I sit in my chair, perfectly consumed by book.
Yet I do hear them shuffling and muttering and shifting outside
making room in the hall as newcomers arrive.

Every once in a while, a particularly insistent one will ring that buzzer.
A delusion that his interval remains
very pressing and must not be missed.

Soon enough
I think
I will post a check-in list up on the door
maybe they can schedule appointments.
Then they will see just how busy I am.
Unfortunately I cannot now
I can only wait for the evening when they give up for the day and clear out.

Because, if I opened that door even a crack to slide the paper through, one or two would manage to slip by. I might even be risking the lot of them piling up on the door until I just couldn't hold it up any more and they would all clamber and fall in, one on top of the other (none are very considerate or patient) and I just wouldn't be able to stop them! Can you imagine the mess they'd make in here?

I did just sweep the floors.
Nameless Sep 2014
Inequalities of this fed up society

i won't stay silent
i won't sit down
i will fight
i will stand
i will scream and I will shout.
to all you haters
who think I'll give up
you're wrong
when you tell me to shut up I'll just get louder
louder
louder.
because the words that you say echo on my face
right here and right now
it's you who makes my skin crawl

you ask me the same question six different times
you accuse me of loving a girl
as if I've committed a crime

i have one foot in the closet and one foot out
but you rip my world apart
you make me want to slide back in
you make me beg and plead that this isn't me
i beg to be a somebody, somebody other than me

just to be straight
you make me want to be straight

i try and deny it
i tell myself it's a phase
i tell myself that it's okay
that I just have to hide away
hide from the gay
but it doesn't work that way
those are your words that I say

you say “f
" without a second of thought
as anger bubbles in my blood
do you realize what those words mean?
do you realize what you're saying?
Are you listening?
you pretend it's joke
but it maddens me
and now that I'm mad you tell me to chill
But NO!
you don't comprehend the words I'm trying to say
the voice I'm trying to speak
i don't need you to have rainbows on you walls
but could you at least try and respect me?

your eyes pop out
and your tone insults
proud that you've brought me down
I force myself to clench my teeth
Try and breathe
because what you said directly hurts me
your words just **** me
and it isn't funny.
Respect.
don't think that's in your vocabulary

while you laugh at me
i fight for the rights of people that are lacking
as you try and tell me who I have to be
but I will not fit the mold that you have made me

you think I'm a freak
cuz I go to GSMC every single week
you don't understand the deeper meaning
that is hidden behind those four letters
it's a safe place
an escape from you
people who understand
it's 40 minutes that save me
when you try and drown me

yes, I'm wearing a men's shirt.
you get mad cuz you think it's too baggy
but f
**
i don't dress for you
i dress for me
please
my biology doesn't have to correlate
with the clothes that are covering me

I'm done with you
I'm proud of who I am
I'm proud of what I do
I refuse to fit this society's dumb rules
I'll break these stereotypes every single chance I get
I'm just me
maybe a little more masculine than you want me to be
but that's me
throw me labels all you want
but I really don't need you to be my label maker
i am not a container of strawberries
sitting in your refrigerator.
I am a human being

you do not understand
what hiding behind a closet is like
struggling to find an identity
as you try and crush me
Hell no, it's not easy

it's the 21st century
but we still fighting for human beings?
Human beings
that's it
Are we still not equal?
someone explain to me
the nonsense of this ******* up society
why can't you embrace our diversity?
i am me, only me
I will not apologize for being me
But you could apologize for hating on me
and not just me
but an entire community
because I am done with your bigotry
Nameless Sep 2014
pale, bitter agony, sweet ordered chaos, vague awareness, dead to the world, unable to wake yet unable to sleep, hopelessly happy, wanting to be in the limelight, yet to shy to take center stage. Teach me how how to live and I'll teach you how to fly.
Nameless Sep 2014
so this is where all the dreaming takes me
to a cold, empty reality
with sleep still in my eyes
shivering, confused, I must’ve overslept
now it’s time to wake up
one last yawn, then face the lies
I’m barefoot and the streets are rough
paved with broken glass
but that’s okay
’cause the land is flowing
with milk and honey
bread and butter
and justice
if you just keep on going ...
Nameless Sep 2014
i.

Witness the greatest horror
of my life;
first person view
bears illusions
I have control.

My life
spins uncontrollably
each emotion swallowed
within vicious whirlpools of
my existence;
like a sinking ship.


ii.

My words are a bayonet,
tearing large infectious wounds
in the hearts of those,
that once loved me.

I am a sadist;
enjoying every solitary slice I rip
from them,
and
their screams,
serenade my ears.

it completes me.

iii.

My soul stares in trepidation
disfigured with every affliction,  
I inflict upon others.

these skeleton wrists and
scare-crow ankles are strapped
to the water board,
built by my uncontrollable anger.

Forced to watch my body's new host,
destroy the temple it has invaded.
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