this anger overwhelms me
imploding fingers
obsessed in red aroma
I want to slaughter
and lunge the dagger
I won't miss
this obsession for pain
inescapable
with no one to blame
I'm driven insane

I clench this blade tight
and lacerate my skin bright
needing  *******
to bleed the hatred out of me
but it furiously chases me
down my arm into my pen
right behind me
it will never end
in absolute fear
I slit this artery
with a smile on my face
ill flood the pavement
with my blood in a race
iron core liberated
as my blood scours the  floor
asking for more
loving the cold

ill bite the steel
sending shivers up
dental nerves
waking me up
hungry for
nothing
but to suffer

rooted hair
dug for release
ill scalp by tearing
it's never done me good
but impair my eyes,
I need those
to destroy the target
in precise pain
so ill look at the mirror
glare at the problem
launch my bones
into cracking reflections
breaking my bleed
into wild oblivion
tasting the rage
viscous and salty
warm and red

the hatchet sits enthused
sparking malice adrenaline
I'll give it a mighty purpose
evil ambition
to dismember them all
blood in a fall
this world
full of mistakes
blaming you
I'll make you feel carnage
ill shatter your knee caps
intruding your muscles
fiercely hacking
watching you die
kneeling in plead
of your pathetic life

begging for brain impact
to shock me blue
and ink these gaping cuts
revealing flesh
angst tattoos
reminding me
to never love myself
and don't forget
to "write about it"
self loathing exhibitionist
giving you something to crave

these skulls
I've internalized
falling out my closet
vibrating the air
pulverizing on impact
breathing the death
polluting my oxygen
powder shards ****** my bloodstream
documenting the insanity
in vanity
to violate you
and haunt your nights rabid

my teeth ravenous
to chomp
and fill its canyons
with live struggling flesh
smelling the death
my tongue craving iron heat
my nails long for freshly torn skin
underneath them
my pupils enthralled
erratic gore flashes
my body violently flaring limbs
victim of my own sanity
ill tear the wings off the butterfly
and burn the caterpillars into green goo
ill drench myself in gasoline
and strike up conversations with matches
ill load ONE bullet
teasing my death in Russian roulette
I'll make art of my demise
neural flesh scattered everywhere
I'll call it "wild salmon in the red sea"
inspired from my grimacing face

call me jack the ripper
attacking myself into the floor
ripping flesh into the morgue

(Unknown)

I've been holding for so long,
Guess it’s time to fly.
With memories I leave my mark,
It’s time to say goodbye.

Running away isn't an option,
Fear has gripped me tight.
Hiding away from my fears,
Dying just feels so right.

It’s hard to breathe right now,
Feels like I'm dying inside
In this void called existence,
Fear and death collide.

I don’t wish to live any more,
Let my soul Rust in Peace,
Let me sink in the sea of darkness,
Oblivion is what I seek.

Let me burn in this flame of hatred,
Your love’s made me weak,
Solitude is what I desire,
Oblivion is what I seek...
                                                     (M.m.)

I want love,
Even though I do not know the meaning.
I want to be normal,
Even though I know I'll never be.
I want my mother,
Even though I know that will never happen.

I need myself,
But I've become some one different.
I need others,
But I've distanced myself from them.
I need a conscience,
But I lost it a long time ago.

I can't loose control,
Or I'll never be able to come back.
I can't hide my pain,
Or I'll let everyone slip away.
I can't lie to myself,
Or I'll start to break.

I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I'M SO ******* SORRY.

There's something growing inside of me,
I can feel the twists and change.
I tense up and try not ignore it,
But the feeling is just so strange.

I've turned my mind off for the day,
Music vibrates through my skull.
Don't ask me to function properly today,
My fight has turned a bit dull.

Never mind, I lied.
I can't feel anything, I'm stagnant.
Shattered and tattered and torn and destroyed,
You devoured every fragment.

A growl arises from my throat,
Voicing the pain I refuse to feel.
Clutching at the life growing inside of me,
Laughing because it's not real.

I can smile seven sadistic smiles,
One for each day of the week.
Place a mask upon my face,
To break I'd be deemed as weak.

White knuckles,
Clenched teeth.
Bile in my throat,
Reminds me I need to breathe.

Breathe.
Breathe you worthless being!
Put life into your lungs!
Smile your seven sadistic smiles,
In your hands their necks are wrung.

a kiss from a barrel or a hug from a rope?, it doesn't matter, I've lost all hope. the sorrows inside me have taken over, you've borrowed my heart and ****** it over, but its my own fault for loving such a person, to care about such a person, to believe in such a person. but I wont let it happen again, there's nothing left to gain, its time to end you sadistic game. so... a kiss from a barrel or a hug from a rope?

Dear Razor Blade,
I'm coping.
I'm moving on.
I'm learning.

I'm changing and adapting to fit in with the emotions swirling around me. Patience is needed so often I had to drill it into my brain. I try to find other methods of dealing with this deep emotion other than letting it bleed from my wounded skin. I can try to find a way to stitch my butchered heart besides coming to you.
I'm coping.

I want to throw you away, but I don't think I'm quite there yet. Steps get farther away and I look towards something else. Something better. I want a smile that doesn't come from you sweet kisses, so I go to a happier place. One day I won't come back again.
I'm moving on.

I'm slowly realizing that this life has something to offer other than just tears. I have a smile that is fake at first, but it soon fades into a real one. I look at you and have different thoughts. I don't need you to make my life tolerable.
I'm learning.