You have the force of a magnet snapped tightly against me
Leech, Leech, Leech
Mental and physical combat are futile
My inner screams are drowned by a convulsive torrent of rage
My very kernel resignedly submits
Now I whisper
Leech, Leech, Leech
Such damage; you have harvested a monster I cannot control

It’s the absolute endless certainty that we are but mere humble servants to uncertainty
Can you hear how clever I think I am, adopting the tone of deferential observerr?
Thinking that my superior intellect and masterful insight of my psyche lend me the credentials to believe I, and only I, navigate the intricacies of every corner of this maze
Did not I design it, dare not I travel its path?
At dusk and dawn when my conscious is, I believe, mine and mine alone
And during the moonlit hours of slumber, still I believe I am the astronomer of my rêves
I am the craftsman, I stride my orbit, confident of every curve and angle
Foolish, arrogant narrator that I am – of that the author is certain!

Silhouettes drifting, quite sublime in form, unique textural complexities
Dynamics weave in wonder at the fluidity of synchronicity
Vibrations hum smoothly, accelerate, collide, seeking equilibrium
Some blend melodically, in harmony
Some ricochet, as frenzied firecrackers
Some float, solitarily gay in abandon, at peace
Some flounder, achingly heavy, in pain
Some swoop, diving velocity, as allegro
Some embrace, paradisal momentum, at ease
All mingling and striking some chord
Executing perfectly ethereal orchestrations of no composition

The toxicity of my misery falters every endeavour
As seasons pass I battle forth
Cyclical regression all pervasive
Tides recede and ****** in the solace of weariness
Who am I to summon legacy?
Freedom is costly
To not care, to be selfish, to let the ego dance and dine on its prey
But I will never sit at the top table and command such debauchery
I wish stillness and solitude, my armour from the world
My penance is running dry
Oh bountiful life revive me

I allow myself the luxury, to stare unabashedly
Your eyes tantalise me, not crudely, but bewitchingly
Were I able to touch, the texture would be burnished brown velvet
Oh to explore this rapturous richness, warmth in abundance
Evermore curious I basque in the golden, autumnal flecks
Shimmering depths cast new dyes of invigoration
Beguiled, I thank you for a moment of beauty

Eat, drink, smoke; cake, coffee, Camel; all day, every day
Then some semblance of self preservation, a physiological salvage screams an alert and for a couple of weeks I maintain lean and mean
Eat, drink, smoke; cake, coffee, Camel; all day, every day
Self realisation struck like lightening; a lifetime of silent decency, consideration, tolerance, obedience, generosity – absorbing everyone else’s rot
I take it all in, then eat, drink and smoke more, subliminally goading the flood gates to burst, but nothing comes out
Well here it is, my public announcement, opening my mouth and letting the screams flow
A baby step I know; I’ll try a couple of lean and mean weeks and then let the true target audience know

Autumnal-hued embers fade with majesty
Their warmth a caressing balm upon skin
The contrasting potency of the moon magnifies its earthly dominance
Sitting alone; reconciling this single-life’s insignificant history consumes thought
The will to dream of blossom-laden avenues inviting possibilities long abandoned
Is this still living when rhyme and reason no longer hold court?
And dependable escapism eludes; rapture so harshly neglected
Will the early morn sun gently tease the sleepy eye?
Or will the capturing darkness bring release?