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mom says
i’m the best person she knows.
i smile.
i’m good at pretending.

she says i’m kind,
but i know when it’s a performance.
she says i’m gifted,
but it feels like a trick
i’m barely pulling off.

my sax squeaks,
my test scores blur,
my muscles ache in the water.
and still she calls it talent.

i nod along,
quiet and guilty.

if i’m so good,
why do i always
feel like a lie?
New brings fear
Old breathes comfort
What was once abhorred
Now gets smothered
Cannot say
Cannot think
If you wear that
You can expect to sink
Learn this, ignore that
Laws of our present
Ignore the past
Prejudice changes
But dresses the same
Power over peace
Strength with no release
I didn’t want to fall apart mid-sentence,
So I said less and asked more questions.
Tuned out love songs, skipped our street —
I made avoiding you look complete.

I smile and nod when your name is mentioned,
As if it doesn't pull me out of the conversation
They throw it around casually, like it's not cutting right through —
I guess I never got to cry out about you.

© Copyright 2025 - Limes Carma

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