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Morgan Aug 2013
I sat next to a heart that I knew was breaking
He laughed along to the rhythm of the room
And only broke his pretty little smile
When he was sure no one was watching
But I never really looked away
Morgan Feb 2013
Photographs are weird
They seem so simple
But there are layers
Like the way each person in the photograph felt when it was taken
Or how they recall it
Or where they've gone since
And how it looks to you

You might look at it and feel happy because they are humans just like you and they are smiling
Or you might look at it and feel sad because they are humans just like you and they are smiling

Well, I don't feel happy or sad.
I'm just fascinated in imagining how you feel.
And somewhat nostalgic about how I've felt in all of those "simple"
moments that I'll never be a part of again

So
like most simple things
it wasn't simple at all.
It was complicated
Except it felt easy.

They told me to write a list of reasons to stay and a list of reasons to leave.
But I didn't do what they told me to.
Instead I made a list of reasons to stay.
I didn't include reasons to leave.
I still don't really know why.
Maybe, somewhere deep inside I never really wanted to leave in the first place.
Or maybe, the reasons just never existed.
I was sad.
But I never considered Sad a reason.
Sad introduces you to different parts of yourself.
And Sad helps you fall in love.
And Sad keeps you thinking.
Sad keeps you writing...
But this time, I didn't write it down, like they told me to.
I still don't really know why.
Maybe, I just couldn't find words to express all of the obscure ideas.
Like the idea about Sad.
How Sad became a reason to stay...
Maybe, I just didn't think they'd be able to understand ideas like that.
Or maybe, it was less than that.
Maybe it was just because paper gets lost
Or paper gets torn
Or paper gets thrown away
And maybe I just spent too much time feeling lost
Or torn
Or thrown away

And I think, I feared I might get lazy and stop adding on to the list had it been written.
So I just thought.
And I held it inside.
And I added on to it every day.
And I never left.

And at some point, I stopped thinking about leaving.
And then eventually, I stopped thinking about staying.
I still don't really know why.
Maybe, it was because I got so wrapped up in living that it no longer felt like an option.
Or something to consider.
*It just was.
I just was.
And that was okay.
And okay was enough.
Morgan Aug 2013
My bones hurt me over and over again
My veins ache and bend and break
with them and my skin just doesn't
protect my heart or my head anymore
The instructions firing in my skull
are moving me in all the wrong directions
These messy thoughts have got me twisted
and wandering in the middle of the night
My wiring is all misconstructed,
malfunctioning,
severed & frayed
Just cut the chord
Sell my insides like strips of metal
Maybe they'll work just fine,
under the control of a braver mind
Morgan Jul 2013
I touch you all of the time
hoping maybe one day it'll feel
like something more than not him
Because I'm numb to every hand
that isn't attached to his wrist
I wanna love you, I do
But I'm sick
Jaded like an illness
That eerie frustration when your voice
distorts itself in my mind;
Melts into the rhythm and tone of his
& all I can hear are all of the things that he's said
And just like that you are gone
Swallowed by a sea of lingering memories
Like a shadow over everything
I'm looking but I don't see you
I wanna love you, I do
But I'm not falling for you
I'm just searching for a glimpse of him
in the glimmer of your patient eyes

There is a steel cage that holds my insides
No one goes through
No one comes out
Morgan Nov 2014
i texted you at
six in the morning,
"im sad"
and then we laid
with our seats
reclined
all the way back
parked outside
your apartment
for three hours,
laughing at the lyrics
to all the songs
we loved in high school
before you asked,
"oh yea,
by the way,
why are you sad?"
and i didn't know what to say
because i had forgotten
all the reasons
or
they just
didn't matter anymore
Morgan Nov 2016
Have you ever seen
A loved one
Floating in the sky...
Fastened to a rafter
Blue and broken
With the fear
And the anger
Still hot in their eyes?

Have you ever seen
A loved one
With clouds forming
In the corners of their mouth...
A needle hanging from
A protruding vein...
Poison still
Running laps
Beneath their skin?

Have you ever seen
A loved one
Tangled in
Metal and broken glass...
Radio still playing,
Blood still flowing out?

I hope you find a place
That's safe and warm
And stimulating
And ******* real

Cause,
We used to think drinking
Whisky out of mason jars
Made us interesting
But now we know
We drank whisky out of mason jars
To escape our pain & our boredom
Just like everyone else

Well,
Boredom ate my friends...
Swallowed them whole...
Left them begging,
Begging for more

My dad said,
"Leave now
While the roads
Are still clear"

There's a better me
On her way out the door
Morgan Sep 2013
He looks me in the eyes and calls me baby
And then he sighs deeply into me,
This places grows like flowers around your soul
It's more beautiful as time passes, you will see

But I'm just not in love with this city
And I know I never will be
Morgan Jul 2013
You came and went again today even quicker than last time... front door carelessly swinging on its rusty hinges behind you & porch creaking under your feet as you ran down its tired steps; the baby blue paint chips falling to their deaths from the railings to your sleeping front yard. No one around here can vividly recall the last time they looked into your eyes. No one around here can vividly recall the way your voice sounds in the middle of the night. You are the start of an engine. You are the gravel that rolls beneath your tires & perhaps sometimes even a passing smile. I don't question your desire to go and go and go. *I just hope that where ever you travel you're offered more than old graffitied stop signs and broken windows & maybe one day you can show me which exit to take out of this lazy place.
Morgan Oct 2013
A person with anxiety
is 10% here
and 90% lost inside
her mind,
staring into
crooked signs
pleading with herself
to find the exit

A person with anxiety
needs to hear concrete answers
because her soul is being choked
to death at the hands of a
relentless skepticism

A person with anxiety
is perpetually distracted
Yet,
effortlessly intuitive

Tripping over
her own life,
begging to fall
into yours
Morgan Sep 2013
Filled to the brim
with anxiety,
you took me gently
by the waist and tipped me over
It poured sweetly from my eyes
And rested on the skin over my cheekbones
You wiped it all away
With the tip of your finger
And the patience of your nature
I built a home
inside the bend of your elbow
You rocked me to sleep
I overflow here without you
As I stare vacantly through the window
Of my second story apartment
Begging the stars to kiss my forehead
The same way you always did
Morgan May 2016
i was glass when you found me,
you knew how fragile i was,
just cleared from the hospital,
just learning how to sleep again
without getting woken up
every thirty minutes for vitals
and medication

i was glass when you found me,
you held me in your palms
like a waterglobe,
occasionally swaying me from
side to side
to see what i was like inside

i was glass when you found me,
glistening and elegant
but desperately scared
of falling off the ledge,
like the vase on our dresser-
daisies in my hair,
but potential tragedy everywhere

i leaned into you
and begged you to hold me up

you didn't drop me on accident

i didn't slip from your grip

you didn't lose me
in a tired haze
or a lapse of judgement

you threw me into the gravel
with your arm up over your head
and your eyes closed

you broke me
into fifty different pieces;
a graveyard of sharp edges,
a garden of glistening truths,
dimmed by the hovering hand
of dirt and sand

now boys are afraid
to pick me up off the ground,
i'm still right where you left me,
cause i'm not worth a cut on a hand,

no one will bleed for me,
not in this town

and to think,
all i wanted was to *******,
i never meant to love you,
all i wanted was to *******,
i wish i never met you
Morgan Oct 2014
I miss the cool air
that would radiate from your skin
and the crisp smell of autumn
that would waft from your jeans
when you'd climb into bed
fully clothed at 3 in the morning
I miss your cigarette breath
gently whispering "hi"
to me in my state of half sleep
and the way you'd always
leave the room at the exact
moments when I wanted
to hold you the very most
so that every second
you were out of reach
I was aching
Morgan Aug 2013
As kids when we'd come screaming from our dark rooms
In the middle of the night
Telling tales of ghosts and goblins
Creeping around us as we slept
they'd teach us to open our closet doors,
Or crouch under our beds
"Peer in
& you will see,
No monsters"
They said...
But they never taught us to
Close our eyes
And peer into our minds
Probably because they feared what we'd find
Morgan Jul 2013
Warm apple
& pumpkin spice
Its mid summer
but you're still burning
Fall scents
You bury your head
in your pillow
and twist your body,
all wrapped in sheets
toward the wall
beneath the window,
"It still smells good
so I dunno... whatever"

You're always laughing
at the most
insignificant things
and making eyes
with inanimate objects
like your guitar or my notebook
You say you fall in love
with the art I make
and then you kiss my forehead
and twirl my hair
between your fingers
You're the only one who really cares
to consider
all of my rants and hurried scribbles
'art'
Most of them have been
about you
for the past year or two
I wish I could still
show you
I know you'd pour
your eyes
into every word
Underlining all of your
favorite parts with the
tip of your pointer finger
& choosing one stanza
to sing like an other one of your
pretty songs,
strumming your thumb
against the page like the
strings of your tired guitar
Just like you did
on that patient day
last summer
Lying in your bed
Counting ceiling tiles
and making homes in each other's chests
I miss you
Morgan Feb 2013
Lost in decorated journals
resting on my night stand
Strategically spaced all around
last years Civics notes
Wedged between Great Expectations
& a dictionary on a book shelf in my bedroom
Cycling through the washing machine
tucked inside the back pocket of my jeans
Crushed under the weight of my dresser
Hidden under a pile
of paperwork in my car 
Words drenched in so much
unadulterated pain
Years of twisted agony,
aching to be forgotten
Morgan Aug 2013
I listened to your heart beat for two hours. You lifted me and moved me closer

And the butterflies, they followed

But this feeling cannot last. Like a glass jar, teetering at the edge of your mahogany coffee table. The hardwood floor taunting it as it shakes violently back and forth. We are gasping deeply now, trying desperately not to fall. Not to break.

I can feel you holding on with all that's left in you. You're turning my hands black and blue with one last desperate grip but you can't keep your fingers folded over mine forever. It'll be over soon.

For as far as this goes
Just know
that
I wanted you
With every inch of skin
That holds my bones
I really wanted you
And I tried
As hard as a backward thinker
ever could
But all these late nights
and salty tears
Will get the best of me
The horror of this is shifting closer
Shadows in the darkness
The light cast from your eyes
can't save us this time
Oh but please
Don't run
Let it wash over the sheets we lie under
I want to be together when it hits
I love you
I'm sorry

Hold your breath
And let it go
Morgan Sep 2014
when i was 13,
"if your friends jumped
off a cliff would you?"
was an effortless,
"no"
because when i was 13
the cliff was a tall,
intimidating
piece of land
with a neon sign that said
"impending doom"
lit up at the edge,
but now im 20
and the cliff
comes in glass bottles
and the cliff
comes in thick syringes
and the cliff
is drawn beneath
my skin
in india ink
and down below it,
i can see my home town
and i can hear the patient voices
of the kids i grew up with
that never got out,
shakily shouting
"come down here;
it's easier at the bottom"
and if im being honest
im stumbling toward it
with an alarming
lack of fear
Morgan Apr 2014
Waking up with a stray guitar pick
Weaved in between my sheets and
my comforter,
I feel like a poem
But I'll still roll over
to face the wall,
I'll feel his eyes burning holes
Down my spine
And I will whisper
Again
That I am quitting this time
Quitting love
And quitting art
He'll laugh
And climb from my bed,
"Ah. The two things most likely to **** you"
He'll say
And he'll be right
But I'll keep dying here
Anyway
Morgan Jun 2013
I have ink where my skin should be.
You trace it with your finger tips
every time you kiss me.
There are planes and sky scrapers
where the stars should be
in this cluttered city.
I pulled over at four in the morning
Lit a flare & lied down in the middle of the road.
I watched the sky fade
from black to gray and back again.
I counted the long faded, white scars on my wrists & my thighs until the morning sun swallowed me.
You counted unread text
messages as you sent them.
One
Hey where are you
Two
Please I'm worried
Three
Not this again
Four
I can't do this tonight
Five
Please don't
Six
Please don't **** yourself
Seven
I love you
Eight
I'm calling the police
Nine
Just make it through this night
Ten
Call me in the morning
****** sweetheart,
I did it again.
I'm sorry.
I fell off of the planet.
I melted into the night.
Please believe me angel
when I say,
I'm not going away from here.
I'm just going ******* crazy.
Morgan Mar 2013
Every secret we share washes up to shore.
I float passed that night you called me a *****.
And we laugh at every soaking
t-shirt of your's that I tore.
Sometimes this love looks more like a war,
But we've grown from those days
when we were still keeping score.
And I've stopped drawing 'x's beside all
of the shattered things you once swore.
Because nothing you do can ever
keep me from wanting more.
We might drown all day but before
the night swallows us whole, you're
lifting the anxiety from my core.
And I will always kiss the salt from
your cheekbones as your eyes spill out
all over the floor.

For every inch of you that I abhor,
there's something stronger that I adore.
And no matter how many times you slam
it in my face, if you knock, I'll still open the door.
I'll never fall out of love with
the way that you snore.
And with my finger tips pressing into your skin,
I won't stop until I trace every last contour.

I've got demons lined up at the foot of my bed,
And so much Hell left to endure.
But Angel,  you've always been the cure
Morgan Jul 2013
You will lose yourself chasing ambulances around these busy streets looking for a soul that aches just so that you can heal it and you will tear your hands to shreds picking up shattered minds off these ***** floors just so that you can sort them all back together. Embrace your own pain before it gets buried under the weight of a million other's.
Morgan Aug 2013
I like my body
And I use it to express myself
Which is legitimate and fine
Because it is mine
It belongs to me
So when you,
Who I trust
Respect
And confide in
Condemn me for
the choices that I make
I feel like my walls are caving in
Like there's not a mind left on this planet
who understands, who loves, who cares
If I can't come to you
I am alone
You abandoned me
Made my skin feel cold
Left me out
Used my confessions to hurt me
Abuse me
Minimize me
You made me feel stupid
Small
Incapable
You mocked my self respect
Tore it out from under me and distorted it
Tried to convince me I didn't own it
I never thought I'd find so much hate
Hidden inside of someone I loved so deeply
You have no idea the pain you've caused
When you decided to
tell me how to live
As if I'm too ******* pathetic
To know on my own
You think you're better than me
You think I should hate myself
Well I don't
But I do hate you
Morgan Oct 2013
they say those
who don't sleep,
hallucinate
but maybe
those who don't sleep,
see what is actually there
while dreamers
distort reality
every night
and wake with
some mythical sight
Morgan Aug 2013
We threw two bottles of hairspray
into the fire just to laugh at the expressions
on each others' faces when it exploded

We sang along to the same **** punk
cover songs we've been playin since
the seventh grade and chain smoked
in the damp grass

We said we'd be star gazing tonight
but our heads started spinning
after the tenth time someone said,
"Chug this"
And then all the white lights
began to blend together,
against the black sky
creating this peaceful yet dizzying
array of light and dark

The moon sort of caught your face
in the left corner
Illuminated your crooked side burns
and danced over the long side of your Mohawk

It was three AM
when the group hugging commenced
I said "goodbye" and "I love you"
at least twelve times before I meant it...
Or before I realized it was
my last chance to mean it

I've never felt arms so strong
squeeze so tight
I've never felt a warmth so comforting
in the midst of such violent anxiety

Your blood,
doesn't match mine
But your mind,
I swear it melts into my eyes,
and coarses through my veins
some times

I'll miss you *****
with every bit of
empathy, love &
sanity I have left
I will miss you
until it hurts
and then calms
and circles back again

Please
Don't
Let
Me

Please
Don't
Make
Me
Have
To
Miss
You
Morgan Feb 2013
Some people shape them into words.
Some people organize them in rows
And the people you don't hear about anymore were making ****** columns.
Well, I think I fell in love with the way
             I could watch the pain pour away from me
and empty into a dark puddle of crimson warmth.         I left puzzles under my skin; deep lines that
              intersected at dead ends up my sleeves
and down my ribs.  
                         Sometimes they fell apart into this
rAnD0m mess all over my ankles.
     Everything that touched me was immediately
lost in these chaotic pools raining from my veins.
  I woke up early most mornings to drown my
insides in a sea of hot liquor.
                                 You knocked on my door
holding a coffee and a pack of cigarettes.
     We counted ceiling tiles all day
with our limbs intertwined.
             You painted the fine line between
pain & romance on a white canvas
& hung it over my bed.
            I stayed underneath it most nights but
every time I crossed it, I called you just to weep
into the phone.
              I think you liked how much I needed you.
I think you liked feeling necessary to any
existence outside of your own
& I think I liked having a vessel to empty my sorrow into
                 so I guess that's how this goes...
the fine line between pain & romance erodes
over time or gets smeared in the heat of a moment
and here we are, watching our seams come undone at the hands of the only one who
can save us.
                  Here I am...
unraveling in the moonlight...
                         salt water tears pouring down
from my eyes to meet my chin.
                Once the romance ends we are buried in the debris.
                 The p a i n is all that's left
Morgan Jul 2013
There are people who just want what they can't have. They're the people who are always searching for more.There are people who just want exactly what they have.They're the people who always look bored. There are people who just want the thing that hurts the most. They're the people who
are always finding new ways to feel pain.

He is all three wrapped into one chaotic mess. I thought I could take a piece of his broken skull and replace it with peace from mine. But I tried for six years and I just couldn't make the exchange inside of him...

Well, I guess there are people who just want to feel okay but don't know how. They're the people who are always looking for the brokenness that surrounds them just to avoid the brokenness that grows inside of them

I am that person
Morgan Jul 2013
You are not just a sparkler
dancing through the night,
late summer of last year
You are not just beer
in a mug on a Monday afternoon
watching horror movies in my bed
You are not just soft, pale
feet kicking out of your uncle's
hot tub last winter
You are not a mosh pit
from every show we ever
went to together
You are not a pair of
pretty eyes staring lovingly
into mine in the middle of spring
You are not your kisses
You are not your phrases
You are not your voicemails
Or your text messages
You are not the words you've written
Or the stories you've told
You are so much more
than a memory locked
forever stagnant in my head
You are so much more
than the ghost of my affection
I will not dehumanize you
because I've lost your love
I will not sit in our best friend's basement
and talk about you like you're some film
we've all seen together
Or some reality show we watched play out
I will not pretend your life
stopped existing when our romance did
I will continue to acknowledge
all of the current things you do
I will continue to learn about you
Because you are a constant stream,
Changing and developing every day
And I refuse to allow you to become stuck
inside of my reflective pain
I love you so much more
than you will ever know
And I will not pretend that you
only live between my heavy heart
and my racing mind
Morgan May 2013
You can break my heart without even speaking

A single-spaced sigh at just the right time from you

can shatter my insides

And you've always been right on time




You used to fix it all just by tapping your feet beside me

But you've left me humming to myself for a while now...

And it's quite the broken rhythm without you

Hey baby,

I've been standing in the rain

And there's an umbrella collecting dust

Beneath your veins
Morgan Nov 2013
I hold my arms out to catch
people even when they're falling
far & fast... even when I know the
impact is going to crush me inside
and out, I stand here anyway

And I love people even when
they're filled completely with pain...
even when there's so much, it's pouring
out from their edges & washing over me...
even when I know I'll drown in
their waves, I can't move from this spot
Morgan Feb 2013
I don’t fall in love with people’s words.
I fall in love with their lack of words.
I fall in love with those moments of pure frustration
when you clench your jaw and lower your head.
I fall in love with those moments of absolute awe
when you bite your lip and widen your eyes.
I fall in love with confusion and the way
you release it into nonsense that I have to decode.
I fall in love with embarrassment & your rosy, red skin as you fumble to think.
I fall in love with fear; the way you stare at a blank screen on your phone,
occasionally running your thumbs over it like a security blanket;
they won’t ask you questions if you look busy.
I fall in love with the different ways you learned to tie your shoes.
I love just watching how some people do knots and some do bows
and I like to imagine their mothers kneeling beside them
& guiding their fingers through the lace.
I love the way your face goes pale when something pains you.
I love the way you get silent when you think too much
and how your best friend sits beside you, and tries not to make it obvious.
I love the way you smoke your cigarette like it’s the last you’ll ever have
& the way you choke back tears.
But, even more, I love the face you make when you finally let them out.
I love the apathy in your voice when you don’t feel like following the crowd
& the way you’re so passive with suggestions but never admit you don’t want to be here.
I love the way you cover your own eyes with the palm of your hand
during the scary scenes, even though you can just close them.
I love the way your head bobs forward when you’re trying to stay awake
& the way you curl it into your shoulder when you give up & succumb to sleep.
I love the way you sigh when you’re disappointed
and the way you try to hide that smile
when you hear good news for the first time in a long time.
I love the way you fall into the beat of a song you like
and the way you block your ears to that **** you hate.
I love the way you stuff your hands in your pockets when you’re cold
and clench your stomach when you’re hungry.
I love the way you describe love.
I love the way you think you’re in it.  
I love the way you walk when you’re in a hurry.
I love the way you yawn and the way you sneeze.
I love the way you laugh when nothings funny.
I love the way you hide your scars behind your sleeves.
I love the way you look away from me.
I don’t fall in love with what people show me.
I fall in love with what they are hiding.
Morgan Oct 2013
we spend each season,
yearning for the next
jumping head first
into salt water
wishing it were leafs,
or kicking up leafs,
wishing it were snow

we just never stop
wishing long enough
to feel ourselves grow

then one day we wake up
to a shy sun, not yet fully risen
and the windows are closed,
and the blinds are drawn,
and for one half of a second
we look in the mirror
and we have no sense of time,
no sense of season...
we're just so much older
older than we remember
and we don't know
how or when it happened
Morgan Jun 2013
I thought about setting myself on fire
Or drowning myself in a lake
I thought about eating a bottle of pills
Or drinking a gallon of salt water
I decided I needed a cigarette
I couldn't find a lighter
I cried
Morgan May 2013
Between a shaking voice and frozen palms, I am begging you to shine a light all over this. Illuminate every place from the top of my skull to the soles of my feet that you have fallen out of love with. Just don't breathe deeply & leave me with a half-hearted kiss in the dark again. Steal the shining hope right out of my eye sockets because I'd rather melt wrecklessly into your truth than stand firmly in your lies.
Morgan Jul 2013
I counted the ambulances as they glided swiftly by
screeching painful pitches at the cars who were now anxiously parting the pavement sea for the savior's convience or just because they have people that they love & the possibility of a home hitting tragedy shocks their entire bodies.

I sat all pensive and overwhelmed once I got to number ten, recalling all of the times the bad news was delivered nervously to me by a man in a truck lugging red sirens just like the ones flashing before me. That desperate ring, too identifiable to us all creates an eerie silence like a funeral song. Not because of the way it cuts the airwaves but because of the memories it instantly plays back to us.

We all know why an ambulance comes & none of us want to be the one curled up in bed a week from today, crying at the light as it pours through the shutters, sick from a void that aches with every move.

Everyone is reaching for their cellphone.
"Please I need to hear your voice. Tell me
you're okay" & then you see the panicked
lady in the lane beside you who
was directed to voicemail.
I'm so sorry
Morgan Jun 2013
It's like...
waking up, terrified in the middle
of the night just to reach for your hip
because you need to know that the bone
is still standing up tall under your skin

It's like...
wrapping your thumb & pointer finger
tight around your wrist in the middle of
a shift just to make sure it's still narrow
enough to fit

It's like...
tapping on your rib cage
or pulling at your thighs

It's like...
buying rings too small for your fingers
because you know they're getting thinner

It's so much more than puking in the shower
It's so much more than the days without food

It's feeling like a survivor for killing yourself
It's this sense of inner pride for hurting your body
It's disordered thinking and self induced migraines
It's crying & smiling for all the wrong reasons
It's forgetting how to love
It's the deepest form of loathing
It's guilt
It's obsession
It's destruction
And it will be the death of me
But hey, at least I'll die skinny
Morgan Sep 2013
He slammed into my hips
I'd been counting the days
He stole the words from my lips,
*It's as though I live to miss your ways
Morgan Jun 2013
Two blocks down on the corner of 9th & ocean,
I can hear a hurried ambulance whistle
But I feel safe sitting Indian style in this
vast bed of ancient sand, permanently
warmed from it's time in the sun
I can hear the muffled whine of a baby crying
in some cheap motel a quarter mile east from here
But I feel like the only human awake tonight
My heart skips a beat with the rhythm
of the current as the night casts it's shadow
over this ***** Jersey city
I fall in love with nothing in particular
There's an amusement park sleeping
at the edge of the boardwalk, west
All of the lights look like floating neon clouds
reflecting in the dark sea that tosses before me
The Ferris wheel, towering over everything
reminds me that this world is endless
and my arms are not as big
as they feel to me, sometimes
I am the only person on Earth tonight
And perhaps I matter
I can taste the salt in the air
It leaves a stale tingling on my tongue
I draw focus to the lingering scent of
funnel cake and nicotine that swallows this place
And I know I'll be okay
There are a sneaker's footprints that lay
perfectly parallel to a set made with bare feet
heading toward the pier
I'm walking beside them and wondering
if they were here together
Or if they followed the marks of each other
In a lonely wandering stroll, much like me
Maybe they're just like me
Morgan Jul 2013
None of this is real
We make it up as we go
But on rare occasions
Two people may find their scripts
Melting into each other's pages...
Different endings of course
But for one moment
Two minds have conjured up
The same situation
That they wish to live in
At this very moment
Three AM on a Saturday night
In the summer after long shifts
At different jobs
We find ourselves reaching
out for a similar cause
But
None of this is real
And that's why the ending never seems to make sense
To both parties
It's as though our director is missing
And the choreography is always
Right off cue
We're just a bunch of amateur actors
And actresses just trying to feel something real
But it doesn't exist
We are not in love
We are bored
And we are all just pretending
Some of us have mastered it so well that we forget it's just a game
But we're the ones who hurt the most when the curtain falls
And we are left with nothing at all
Morgan Nov 2013
We're caught somewhere between
falling in love with ourselves
and wishing we were someone else
Morgan Oct 2013
i don't live in a city
i live in an apartment
(that happens to be inside of a city)
but
it's not loud
or bright
or busy
where i live
i keep the doors closed
i keep the blinds drawn

tonight,
i'm drinking cold coffee
wrapped in a thin blanket
the air is on high
as it always is
and my hands are shaking
as they always are
my phone is warm
i'm holding it close--
as an extended limb
that reaches out from
me to you
when the touch
is lost in the distance

silence gets stranger
by the hour and
i'm starting to feel
the sadness now
it's poured
out from my skull
and stained my skin
it's leaking into my clothes--
it's becoming all that i know

i said i would never call this Hell home,
because home was a place inside my mind
where i felt safe but it seems to have caught fire
in my sleep & burned to ashes with my dreams

how do i rebuild my life
when all i have are the bits and pieces
of a comfort that once sheltered me?
*what is the foundation for change made of?
Morgan Aug 2013
I was clutching the wheel tight
on my way home
One last left turn
before my street
Trying to choke back the tears
At least until I made it
through my front door
A line too long of cars to my left
I waited in exhaustion
with my blinker flashing,
As to say "someone please"
Then I glanced over
into the face of a determined man,
speeding impatiently down
the cluttered road
He was wearing a suit
and a blue tooth head piece
You can almost hear his mind racing
from the next lane over
In an obvious hurry,
he managed to notice
the bags under my eyes
And the pain growing
from their insides
He slammed on his breaks
and with a flick of his wrist,
he ushered me forward
Smiled slightly
Allowed me to turn fully
And then rushed off quickly
My faith in humanity
Never wavers for too long
Just an other mindful darling
Rising up from the rubble
Of a bad day to silently say
*It'll be okay
Morgan Aug 2013
She was wearing a tight black dress under her
red flannel. Studded combat boots and a crooked smile. She slung her arms around my neck and then pointed to the bottle of whiskey she left by the fire behind me. "Catch up" she whispered through a sea of adorable laughter and wandered off to talk to my ex boyfriend. He's my best friend and they get along just like siblings. She isn't jealous but she cares more than I'd ever expect from an other human being. She is so gentle at the smallest hint of pain but so harsh in the way she jokes. I think she's flawless. She wouldn't agree but she's not hurting herself to meet anyone's needs. She thinks The Hangover movies are "******* stupid" but she watches Christmas Vacation at least once a month and America's Next Top Model religiously. She said she likes to remind herself, she can feel for people without understanding their ways so she keeps an eye on all of the things she hates. She was meeting my friends for the first time on a cool Thursday night in the summer. We went to their show and she cried at the way they write their songs. She didn't ask a single question between sets when she saw them fighting. She just looked them all in their eyes and told them they were gonna make it just fine. I think that was the first time I fell in love with the sound of her voice. It's the only thing that stops my hands from shaking in the middle of the night
Morgan Dec 2013
well I guess
that's the thing
about darkness,
it's not just part
of our surroundings
at midnight
on a tuesday
in the summer
or at 6 a.m
on a wednesday
in the winter.
it's more than that,
we can feel it
and sometimes it crawls
into bed with us
while we're staring
at the white walls
that cling to
old photographs
hung with tacs
of people who never
bother to call anymore
but then sometimes
it comes spiraling
toward us,
to knock the air
out of our lungs
and the wine glass
out of our hands
at 11:08 on a saturday
that's when it's hard,
when there are twenty
people smiling in a busy
room filled to the brim
with music and stories
and suddenly
all we can think to do is
stare down at our feet
and hope it'll leave us be
Morgan Aug 2013
Here we are again,
18 & already broken
I can feel my heart beating in my back
And my throat closing
The air around me dissolving
Disappearing
My lungs are empty
Tightening
Gasping
Shrinking
Inside of me
It's 3 AM
and the night is thick,
wet and warm as it falls
down around me
Street lights reflecting the
left over dew of a humid summer
My limbs are stuck to these sheets
My mind is racing
My head is aching
We all wanna talk about our feelings
But I just want my *******
tonsils to stop being swollen
for one month out of the year
This illness takes a toll
And it's more than physical,
when sleep is perpetually lost
and pain is perpetually growing
Forget the Vicodin,
I'll swallow a bullet
Lay a handgun down on my night stand
I'll reach for it
like the bottle of pills I'm so sick of grabbing
Morgan Oct 2014
i used to think that maybe if i just
swallowed enough of these pills
i could fill my veins with the
yellow pigment they held
so that when my skin opened up
i'd bleed the color of plastic toy trucks
and the sun on winter mornings
instead of bit lips and
tired, teary eyes
but the red never truly faded
until i stopped trying to change it
Morgan Aug 2013
Never allow your own pain
to leave you too bitter to feel
compassion for an other's,
no matter how strong or weak
their's may be.
If you believe you've been through
too much to give a **** for love,
you're wrong.
You need it just as much as the rest of us...
Need to provide it, need to recieve it.
Because honestly
I've slept nights in the truest of Hell,
and I still long for nights in his arms.
There's no life without it.
And that's just the way things are.
Morgan Oct 2013
you have to live with you forever
so you might as well forgive yourself, now
or be eternally bitter
Morgan Oct 2013
hating yourself
is not punishing yourself
for what you've done

hating yourself
is just an excuse
to keep treating
yourself like ****

hating yourself
is what got you
here in the first place

to hate yourself is not to be brave
to hate yourself is to stay exactly the same
Morgan Nov 2014
healing is not always graceful,
i am contented most days,
pleased with all the progress
i've made
but some times
i feel the foundation i am building
start to crack beneath my feet
and i am reminded of how
fragile all of it is
and i think to myself,
"maybe it's not too late
to burn it all down
& go home"
and i just
don't know how
many more nights
i could spend
tip toeing on thin ice
just above rock bottom
before it shatters and
i am back where i started
Morgan Jul 2013
I stood in front of the mirror until four in the morning. I counted the imperfections in my face, multiplied them by ten & called it the imperfections in my head.

I wrote to you until eight in the morning. Counted every "I'm sorry" scratched in red pen on white pages, multiplied them by ten & called it the guilt scratched into the blue of my veins.

*I listened to your album until two in the afternoon. Counted every mention of her eyes, multiplied them by ten & called it suicide.
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