I fell in love with a sadness that poured
quietly down around me like
a cold, yet peaceful rain
It burned my aching wounds,
Reminded me of their existence,
Forced me to feel the sting of them
all over again
Like the eerie hum of a depressing song,
to hurry your tears when you're on the
verge of breaking
I felt clean and honest for the first
time since I got those scars
I was exposed and shaking,
Yet comfortable
So comfortable that I lied in pain
beneath the sky's cry for six years
Hardly living
I think I needed the rain to wash the
blood from my skin but once the crimson
trickled down through the
gutter, I should've risen
And for way too long I just... didn't
Now I'm too calm
It's too easy to be here;
Just waiting on the sunshine
Listening to the wrong songs
Face down in wet grass
I know that the world turns
I know that our lives change
That nothing stays the same
Well when does the storm break?
Cause I'm weak
And I'm exhausted
And I'm ready for a change
In this weather pattern
Yeah,
I'm ready for a change
*I'm ready to change

I don't want
to write about
fireworks,
and butterflies
and pretty
stars in
perfect
skys.
I want
to write about
the gaps
in your teeth
and the way
your voice
sounds when
you're angry
I want
to write about
the mess of
clothing
that you
don't even
wear,
all over
your bedroom
floor
I want
to write about
the tears
on your pillowcase
and the way
you so often
fail to make
sense
in the morning
I don't want
to write about
all of the perfect
things you do
I want
to write about
why I'm
in love with you
and
I want my words
to prove that
there's nothing
you do
that
I'm not
attracted to
...

I’ve been dressing up ugly lies in pretty words for a little over a year, now. I’m driving around this town with the windows down, blasting music just to drown out every self-deprecating thought but they’re louder than the base & more violent than the drums. I’m cutting into the rhythm with a pounding headache. The heart beat in my forehead is distorting every word. It’s warmer today than it’s been in a while, around here. Everyone is climbing out of their winter skin and burning their feet on black pavement. My eyes are stinging but I’m waving, and we’re smiling. Well, hey, it’s not all completely eradicated. I’m really working on it this time. I’m doing everything in my power not to panic. Counting breaths & skipping over every song that brings me down. I’m focusing on the street signs blurring together in my rear view & reminding myself to forget about you. I’m ripping cigarettes to shreds and burying their remains in my back yard. I’m washing pills down my kitchen sink. I’m silencing my cell phone when your name lights up the screen. Dependence is just old & abused comfort laced in fear. Well I know the swelling in my veins won't go down for a couple more weeks & I know my knees will shake for days to come but I swear to Christ, I’ll walk straight through this summer clinging to nothing but my shell. I swear to Christ, I will shed every inch of this ******* Hell.

We were never
much for
                                           shopping malls
We weren't
interested in
                                             t a l k i n' ****
We
chose
your basement
and a case
over every single
                                                   house kegger
for four years straight
We bought
concert tickets
on
                                             prom night
We drove to
Philly
with a couple forties
and
~l A u g H E d~
so hard
our
ribs
ached
Always
doing
100
miles
an
hour
                                          down
the
                         freeway
listening to
Scranton punk
and flicking
dead joints
out the
passenger side
window
On
l a z y
nights
we'd park at the church
up the road a little ways from my house
I'd watch your
lips
move
                                                                ­                 slow and careful
as you sang
under the street lights
and asked
"how am I sounding?"
I'd usually tell you
...it could be better
Just because I wanted to listen
to you try again
And again and again
until it was stuck in my head
Oh,
I swear
You're
Still
Stuck
In
My
Head