You have split knuckles,
Dry blood on your fists

You've got crooked teeth,
Chapped lips,

Dark blue eyes,
And deep dimples

You have my heart
In the cracks between your knuckles
You have my heart in the space
between your teeth
You have my heart all over your lips,
You bite down
& I bleed

I'm always falling in & out of the holes
Near the corners of your mouth,

I am an anchor
Held down beneath the tears
that fall like waves from
The navy sea you navigate

My lungs haven't taken on
This much water
Since the last time
I fell in love

It's harder to breathe by the second
And I know now
That you're no lifeguard,

I'm completely ******

I'll drown in you
And you won't even notice

I'll drown in you
Will you even care?

It's not up to me anymore
The wind takes me by the sails
I'm crashing into your chest
Like an iceberg
This is how it ends,

This is how it ends

I wish my hands had ghosts of their own,
That could pass through walls
Without chipping paint,
That could swim through oceans
Without making waves,
And that could penetrate skin
Without drawing blood

I would reach inside your skull,
No matter how far from my bed
You lie awake,
And I'd pull out all the fear
That collects in the
Grooves of your brain
And I'd drop it in the gravel,
And squash it like a cigarette ****
Between my thumb & pointer fingers,
And once it lost its flame
I'd put it back inside your
Pretty head
Just so you could feel
how small it really is,
How powerless,
How easy to extinguish

Then I'd catch the rain
That is constantly falling
From your eyes,
I'd hold it in front of your nose
So you can see
Its softness as
It drains between
My knuckles,
How it nourishes the soil,
How gentle it really is
When it makes it to the ground

You are vibrant
And you are safe

You are vibrant
And you are safe

I'd dip my finger in charcoal
And write that all across
Your windows
Until I could feel the anxiety
Slow in your heart beat,
Until I could feel the calm
Crawling into bed with you,
Cradling you to sleep

I'd trace the letters
To make the words,
"You are strong
And nothing can hurt you"
Across your chest

This may feel like a nightmare
But you are a dream
And you are made of so much more

My hands don't have ghosts,

But if there are live wires
That pump energy
From every heart
to every other,
I hope you,
Each of you,
Who see your life
Being drained of its
Beauty by the ****** hands
Of hate and bigotry
Feel the weight of all the love
I'm sending you

Even through all the cruelty
That overwhelms you,
I hope you feel the weight
of all the love I'm sending you,

And I hope you know
No matter what
That you are poetry
You are art
You are power
And you won't
Crumble
And you won't
Fade away

I hope you feel the weight
Of all the blooming
Flowers who look up to you
To keep your cleansing light
In a polluted sky

We watched three DVDs of Elvis
on the Ed Sullivan show,
Just to find you waving in the crowd
for a quarter of a second

It was brief
But to see you so young
And gentle and light
Was worth the hours
Of black & white tv
And jokes that are no longer funny

The first night I met you
You asked me if I was a writer
And I asked how you knew

You said it takes one to know one

I read your poetry for three hours
In Indian style on your living room floor
While you ate crackers from a ziplock bag
And talked about the love of your life
And the way his chest felt
The first time you used it as a pillow

You told me not to cry
When Elijah dumped me
You said pain is everywhere,
I'll miss out on life
If I let it consume me

I turned to leave your room
On a random Sunday last December,
It was cold and wet and dark,
And I was tired,
You grabbed my hand
And stopped me in my tracks
You said "learn to relax"
And then you held me still
Until you saw the anxiety
melt out of my eyes

I asked you why you
Bother to keep the car
Even though you know
You'll never drive it
You asked me why
I bother to love the sick
Even though I know
They're dying

You told me "don't close the blinds,
The world is beautiful"
Last time I came to say goodnight

You kept making plans,
Where you'd go after you left here
Even though "here" was certainly
The last place you'd be

I never understood
Why you kept pretending;
Pretending there was more

I get it now, Peggy
I know

Good morning,
It's a beautiful day
to romanticize my own death

Good morning,
My brain is doing this
Brand new ****** up thing
And it's hardly 8 AM

I used to know how to float
Now I'm drowning

I used to know how to keep my distance
Now my feet are dangling over the edge

And I have this constant feeling in my stomach
Like I'm already falling

And I'd ask you to talk me down
But we haven't been talking

And I'd ask you to hold my hand
But you can't reach me
From where I've been hiding

I don't know
What it is
About this bed
That's begun to feel
Like a coffin

I drink coffee at night
And pills in the morning

I am tired
But not for a
Lack of sleeping

My dad has a doctorate degree
In civil law

I'm 22 and a freshman
With very little direction

I've been disappointed in myself for so long
But I haven't done much to change it

I thought maybe yoga
Would enlighten me
But I don't like the way
My body looks
When it bends

I thought maybe
A boy could save me
From feeling ugly
But he doesn't like they way
My body looks
When it bends

And he doesn't say it

He doesn't say much at all

But I could tell,

I was born intuitive

And I've been trying
Lately
To shake it

Cause everyone's thoughts
Are cold and painful

And I don't wanna see them
Anymore

I get paid
to bathe people,
to feed them,
to do their laundry,
And to make them smile,
But they still tell me
Right before they fall asleep
At night,
Right before I finally get
To leave them,
That I'm going to Hell
For the pictures in my skin
That I thought I needed
When I got them

I just wanna love something

I just wanna feel loved sometimes

There's a broken heart
on my right bicep
With a banner through it
That reads "myself"
And I'd say it's pretty honest

I've been breaking my own heart
Since I learned how to be
Introspective
When I was eight

I've been breaking my own heart

I just wanna be kind
To myself
And to the boy
Who holds me
And to the friends
Who call me
And to the family
Who supports me

I just wanna be kind
To my mind
And to my body

Show me how
To be decent

I'm so cruel
Anymore