I know everyone writes,
"you make me happy"
in their
Valentine's day cards
but if I were to
make you one
it'd say,
"you taught me peace"
Because sadness is inevitable
some days but
peace is what told me
that crying on your cold,
wooden bedroom floor
at six in the morning
didn't mean I'd
never stand again

I dreamt of all the friends I've been missing
The ones I couldn't stop
from getting swallowed
by the sand
from the hour glass
sitting at the edge of
my dresser
The ones that became
victims of my endless hours
of essays and double shifts
The ones who sent text messages
that got swept beneath emails
from professors and managers
The ones who dialed my number
while I was in the shower
too many times in a row
and gave up
before I could answer
The ones who knocked
on my door while I
was away

The ones who will always
smell like summer
when I think of them
And the ones who will
always have a locker combination
in my memory

I dreamt of their hands
on my shoulders
and their laughter
warming the cool air
around me

But I woke up

in my bed

All alone

in my own home

Feeling terribly

**Homesick

my septum ring
is the most consistently
crooked thing in my life

He fell into his 20 somethings
with less grace than a stage dive
and about as much planning

I drove 100 miles per hour
down the expressway
just to make it to his bed,
before he got inside his own head
several times a week for
seven years straight

But something about this
time looked unsalvagable
as he came flailing,
wrecklessly
over head

I guess I found the courage
to step away
and let gravity
pull his weight

Well,
I sat on his front porch
this morning with a coffee between
my hands and my legs crossed,
hoping desperately
he wouldn't ask me
if he was going to be okay
cause I know that in some ways
he needs me to believe in him
but I was always bad at pretending
when my mom drug me to church
at age six
and not a whole lot
has changed since then