we sang along to the same
ten songs, until we thought
we found solutions to problems
we didn't know we had
we hid our fear under
mohawks & dreadlocks
and stitched our sadness
in with India ink
on our knee caps
and metal in our
faces

we looked pretty from the outside
but I remember the tears that swallowed
his blue eyes when he said
"i just hope for his sake,
next time he dies"
because addiction was a pain
none of us knew how to mend
and it left a hole right through us,
no amount of music could fill

when i was five my mom
used to tell me
that it was all fun
and games until
someone got hurt;
i don't think she knew
at the time just how familiar
i'd be with that concept
by the time i was
nineteen

i stopped getting memorial tattoos
after the sixth one,
and i stopped trying to quit
chain smoking when i finally realized
we were all gonna die

blood red hair
and blood shot eyes
i know how love feels
when it sighs a worn out
goodbye

I have songs on my phone
that remind me of my father
I listen to them on the longest rides home
in December,
They keep me warm
when my car is ready
To surrender
To the winter
And I have songs on mixed CD's
that remind me of my ex boyfriend
I listen to them on the
way to class at nine in the morning
They tell me that I'm worthy
of love, even if Love wanders
There are songs on the radio
that have woken me up
five days out of the week
for four years straight
and songs that have cradled me to sleep,
just the same

I don't need you to sing into my voice mail
or string together notes that sound
like my hands feel
But
If you sit beside me long enough,
I'll hear your laugh in
a Bright Eyes song at
Seven in the morning
Just when I feel like
I can hardly go on
You'll surface beneath my chest
And sing into my lungs
Until I catch my breath...
*If you sit beside me long enough

Vulnerable enough to love everyone
but never naive enough to
expect anyone to love me
Because
I sat on her front porch
and rubbed her back
for three hours,
drove home in the rain
when the morning came
Never heard from her again

i
think
i
must've
dropped
my
ambition
on its
head,
soon
after
its
birth
cause
it
tells
me
all
about
how
it's
gonna
grow
up
to
be
big
and
str...
but
it
falls
asleep
in
mid
sentence