they told him nothing lasts forever
so nothing's what he left to find
he filled his heart with quiet cobwebs
and pushed the thoughts out from his mind
dropped all the things that ever hurt him
then dropped the things he cared for too
for they say nothing's worth the pain
and pain was all he ever knew
he picked bouquets of silence
wore the shadows as a coat
then used their inky darkness
and he wrote on the empty air
"my whole life I've chased nothing.
for it I have nothing to show
I've got nothing in my heart
and there is nothing that I know
but I'd give everything for something
that could erase what I'd been told
for emptiness is the heaviest thing
I've ever had to hold"

if I met my seven year old self today
what would I tell him?
what would I say?
would I warm him of the future
of the bad things yet to come?
or would I leave him to be naive
to keep having fun?
because my seven year old self
believed the world was a perfect place
would he recognize himself
when he looked into my face?
even though I've leaned so much more
and 8 years have passed since then
I would give up everything I have
to veiw life through his eyes again.

I always thought
that I was never handsome enough
or skinny enough
I always thought that I laughed too loudly
and that I should have daintier hands
or a gap between my thighs
that my hair didn't always
fall perfectly
and that I was way too sensitive
when it came to sad movies or rejection
I always thought that when the world
saw me these were all the flaws pointed out
but no the world doesn't see me that way
the only one that saw me that way was you

I missed you for too long
in too many ways
that it became just another part of me
engraved deeper into my heart with the
passing of time
I would wake up
stretch
breathe
and miss you
they told me to let it go
to let you go
and I would say:
you can not simply will your heart to stop beating
that no matter how long you hold
your breath for
you cannot hold it forever
and I could only stop missing you
if I stopped being myself entirely

as humans we are like chameleons
in that. depending on
what's put in front of us
we change
what you want today
you might want tomorrow
and the beautiful thing is that,
that is okay
you grow, you change, you adapt
don't let today define your tomorrow
you have to let go of the edge
you cling to in order to fly

a sunken chest
on the ocean ground
to never be found
was where she found me

there she stirred
my every thought
my every word
so gently, so profoundly

now I am kept
from dreams I dreamt
when once I slept
so soundly

silly little girl
don't fool yourself
they've seen your scars
they just don't want to help

little do they know
how much could change
with three little words
"are you okay?"