As of late
I'm scared to sleep
To plunge my
head heavy
in a pile of pillows
To feel "at home"
For only a moment
Then I notice the closeness
Was just my lonely
Using illusions to subdue
my human
thinkin'
maybe
It  saves me
from
breaking  daily
Clock work can't get
The glue to stick
My squishy equipment
Has always been a nuisance
You've been holding onto
your own skin
  since gravity's
forgotten you
Orphaned
at hells door
Clenching linens
Tight fists
Just might fight the fire
Death danced into
My chest
Don't expect to escape this
God had given me a gift
Can't just Indian give it
Back to the wind
Listen....
Mama didn't raise me
To quit
I gotta mission to finish

Have you seen
Where serpents
Twist
Into one flesh
Are they ripping off
Ones' heads?
Or are they
Simply
a symbol
Of the double helix
System
So impossible
To crack codes
Crack skulls
Let's peek inside
Its clavicle

Brought back
For the last time
Gambling w grenades
Was our favorite pastime
Rhyming to get your mind right
Recently,
The reason that I can't write
Is bc you died before you
Felt the spotlight
And I'm not talented without you
GONE before our time
2020 was the worst year of my life....

Faulty prospects
Aw-fu-lly in-comp-etent
I'm all blocked up
And honestly
*******
At the result
**** the tick took
Why can't I rewind this clock?

Do you ever miss me?
Finding all of these forgotten songs
I wrote for you
10 plus years of hope
Hoping I'd learn how to get over you
I filled my void with food,
With hunger,
With chemicals,
With ***,
With words,
Waiting for each one
To fill me with warmth
But I hadn't felt it since
These old songs match the scars on my arms
And I'm left here wondering
Was it ever mutual?
Did you even feel a fraction
Of the hurt I did?