Maybe its better to have nobody, then have a leach
Wretched over every facet
waiting to dissect you in the most gruesome of ways

Maybe it's better to be bored
And unknowing than to be poisoned by waves of euphoria
Or the parasitic ***** that run this town

Maybe it's better to love simply for the sake of it, thriving off this new energy he brings you, than searching for a soul too much like yourself

Maybe it's better to be content I think
Then I think again, maybe it's better to be sad happy lonely angry scared because that way I'll never stagnate

Maybe it's better if I carry all my doubts to the great mother
Rather than carrying the **** through life with trembling hands
Putting my faith in something larger than this faulty machine

Maybe the rage gives me power
Makes my writings fly straight off the page and into your bloodstream

Maybe I'm the main character
In a show like the twilight zone
..Or twin peaks
Where I'm the only sane one left here to document it all

Maybe I'm happy for once and the serotonin just hasn't resumed
It's fill line yet..

Maybe
Just maybe
All the answers and all the possibilities are here
Questioning me

40 days in
and you think your cured
until you see a glimpse of your old life
in treatment they call it Euphoric Recall
thinking using comes with happy days
but you know its misery
when you have a random fit
a craving..
that pulls every atom in different directions
and it seems like nothing can stop it
this isn't a poem, this is truth
this is me crying out because I've forgotten how
no clever quips, no word play
just the here and now
what good is a sponsor when you cant be trusted with a phone
especially when a gut-wrenching void rears it's head
at 3.a.m
this has always been the hardest part of the day for me
the loneliness settles in ..
I start to miss people I shouldn't miss
My God, I am still sick
and I might always be this way
I shut my eyes and give up all my worries
eliminate desire from my heart
40 days in
and I was so close to giving up
Just for today
I will look my disease in the face
and say *******!

I still read your work
in secret..
watching your life through a screen
where beautiful words dance
from the fangs of rambling monster
So much gray matter
in between neurons
where potential lives
and I understand the pain
that comes with distance
and disease
but, I have my own work to attend to
and I can't afford distractions..
you'd place heavy creatures on my back
in the hope that they would eat every good thing that came into my light
and yes, they are ravenous and powerful
but I've got a hunger in me
that surpasses all
and it isn't for you anymore.

Here's me learning how to write again
In a world that is dying
Here's me learning how to live again without the thirst
Here's me learning how to love again
Because I know you will need me when you are let loose from your dungeon
Here's me attempting to be human again
Because we need more heroes instead of vampires
I am one in the same
Laid open, waiting
for the wind in me
To shift

That we never thought existed  
We're slipping in and out of dimensions
Quick, knock me back to 20-12
Before the universal concious shift When we had no idea...
it had been a simulation
ever since.

I'm a junkyard dog,
who was scooped
from it's home
and taken
to the pound.

I'm a mother,
who doesn't show affection
because I don't know how.

I'm a raindrop,
soon to be converted
into a thousand tiny pieces
of a town's White Christmas.

I'm a house-cat,
easily amused by a pile
of dissected presents.

I am a child,
enthralled by the shimmer
and fantasy hoax.

I am a Grandfather,
whining,
because I let my spirit slip
years ago.

I am a pigeon,
indecisive,
sitting on a wire all alone..
I've watched all my brethren migrate
because this year..
I'd rather be at home.

How many days
Must I run through
Til happiness is found..
Too many..
Still I hold onto to the hope that I see some golden arches
With waving hands to greet me
Angels singing all around
Acknowledge my accomplishments
But I'm just a sloppy slab of ****
Constantly digging
For diamonds in coal mines
And happiness, it only exists
In my mind
I know this
And once i find it
I will bury it six feet under
Never to be lost or forgotten
Again.