I am trusting the timing of my life
Letting go
and letting be
For once,
I allow the waves to crash over me
I’ll hold my breath
Stand tall and still
Embrace the rough waters
And love the time to ****

The universe will speak
And she’ll say it’s time
To grip back on
When to call him mine

I wonder about his face
And the smell of his shirts  
The way he combs his hair
And his past hurts

I hope he likes to dance
And plays with my hair
Laughs at my jokes
And deeply cares

Until then, goodnight.

The sun was beaming through my sun roof today
Illuminating all of those places you've touched
And I heard your voice
Kissing my ears

I arrived at my destination
And you brushed through my hair
Using the wind as a current

That fine line between lust and insanity
I walk it
I am there.

I hope you're happy
And she loves you as I should
I hope she stays here
She'll understand more than I could

I wish for your happiness
And your dreams to come true
Love her endlessly
Until she marries you
I know I said forever
But she'll see it through

One day you'll meet her
You'll both be ready
Open up your heart once more
No matter how heavy
It's time to leave me behind
When you're ready

I know he is going to take my soul
He left and it's raining
Freezing on my skin
Maybe it'll wash him away?

He is in the jokes I say
And the food I eat
He's all around me

He is gone
Taken my spirit along
I'm here
Waiting for a piece of him
A feeling of him.

She steps out of the shower expecting the water to wash away those thoughts
“Let go,” she tells herself
A deep breath in…
Let.
Go.
This doesn’t take away the thoughts
Those feelings

She dries herself off with a towel
As it scrapes loudly against her skin
The idea of drying off seems silly
It feels foolish

She wants to collapse down where her feel lie
“keep it together,” she tells herself
But moving to another room that feels just as empty is idiotic

Stumbling into the next room
She falls into the bed
Disintegrating.

Day one, they say.
Day one is the hardest,
I agree.

But what about day 25
& 36?
Will I ever feel relief from you?

You need 2 things: chemistry and timing, they say.
Well, we've had one.
Is it strange to say I miss you?
That I've never connected with someone in the way we have.

I hope you come back
& I hope you save me.

There are times when
My nerves are numb
My thoughts are blank
& blood stops pumping through my frozen veins.

I have come to the conclusion I am incapable of "love"
I am incapable of perceiving this perceptual, intimate affection
The everlasting and hopeful joy which one feels towards another.
Do I feel it?
Yes. But briefly have I ever felt... well... anything.

There is no place or person I can call "home"
I look for it in everything
I have gazed for security in every soul ive ever met
I have searched for warmth in every room ive explored
But where and who can I call home?

I find love in myself
I find home in my comfort
and I feel more alone than ever.

I wonder why i've been placed here
with these people
in a place where I feel so homesick when I am home
Continuously searching for a place or person that makes me feel whole.
Inevitably seeking something that does not exist.