I know he is going to take my soul
He left and it's raining
Freezing on my skin
Maybe it'll wash him away?

He is in the jokes I say
And the food I eat
He's all around me

He is gone
Taken my spirit along
I'm here
Waiting for a piece of him
A feeling of him.

I can't help but see the old you glaring back at me
The old you playing games with my young mind
A mind that had yet to be shaped
A blank slate

I'm so happy you've been freed from the devil of addiction
I'm so angry why you've chosen this time in my life to do so

I've been left with these memories
Most of them which you remember as a distant dream
And those same memories that starve me awake at night
It's not fair god has chosen this time in your life

Those days I cried out for your help and understanding
Those countless days that I wanted to end my life
Those days I tried to end my life
I needed you
You were not there

You're still not here
And I don't need you

She steps out of the shower expecting the water to wash away those thoughts
“Let go,” she tells herself
A deep breath in…
Let.
Go.
This doesn’t take away the thoughts
Those feelings

She dries herself off with a towel
As it scrapes loudly against her skin
The idea of drying off seems silly
It feels foolish

She wants to collapse down where her feel lie
“keep it together,” she tells herself
But moving to another room that feels just as empty is idiotic

Stumbling into the next room
She falls into the bed
Disintegrating.

Day one, they say.
Day one is the hardest,
I agree.

But what about day 25
& 36?
Will I ever feel relief from you?

You need 2 things: chemistry and timing, they say.
Well, we've had one.
Is it strange to say I miss you?
That I've never connected with someone in the way we have.

I hope you come back
& I hope you save me.

There are times when
My nerves are numb
My thoughts are blank
& blood stops pumping through my frozen veins.

I have come to the conclusion I am incapable of "love"
I am incapable of perceiving this perceptual, intimate affection
The everlasting and hopeful joy which one feels towards another.
Do I feel it?
Yes. But briefly have I ever felt... well... anything.

There is no place or person I can call "home"
I look for it in everything
I have gazed for security in every soul ive ever met
I have searched for warmth in every room ive explored
But where and who can I call home?

I find love in myself
I find home in my comfort
and I feel more alone than ever.

I wonder why i've been placed here
with these people
in a place where I feel so homesick when I am home
Continuously searching for a place or person that makes me feel whole.
Inevitably seeking something that does not exist.

Your glances still flood my head
The looks of love awaking in our bed
I'll love you forever, he said

There was love
Caught in the wind
I loved you endlessly, cant you see?

How have we reached this edge?
Blatantly blindsided by the path we've been led
Who has let us waste away?

Accompanied by the full moon I lay
Dance with me in my mind, I say
Grab me by the hand and never leave
When I see you in my dreams
Please stay
You've left too many times ago
And I'm just not ready to let go