wind chimes because
...  i love the sound
you learned our song and played it
... Christmas morning
notes on my windshield even though
... i'd see you at home
the beach cruiser you bought me
... that looks just like yours

i can still hear the waves
... at my front door
but i can't seem to visit
... the  shore anymore
my stomach can't take
... those long walks alone
we spent so many hours
... now;... i wonder;... what for¿

maybe it's to spite you
... because-you-want-it-so
maybe it's the memories
... of our life. here. before.

OR;,...may
                    be i just can't
... love ((it))
any _ _ _ more

How she can c
                          l
                           A.
                             i. {havehearditfromthestart}
                              m
All. She. Wants. Is.

toBeLOVE---Ed

How she could have that
^^^^^ 1000 ^^^^         ^^^^ over ^^^^^^
                              times

But in>>>  stead she chooses the ones
who.         don't.

&I;'M stifling a S C R E A M
i'm punching imaginary  |||||  walls

I've  grown weary of BiTinG-My-TonGue, dear
,...oh the blood tastes a b\it\te\r pinch

It's so hard tofeelsorry a-bout
the lessons you've learned, l _ _ ov _ _ e

Because;.... it isn't eno.  ugh

You haven't really OpeneD your I's.
at all,....@

but wait,...I had s. o. m. e. hope
itfeltsostrange in my body
so displaced on-my-tongue
let's just be honest; I knew that it didn't
be\Long

it's a place I've. come. to. know.
A little {A lot} Too Well
it's sick; i've found there's a comfort
~in the broken~
grown "ac"cust"om"ed" to this hell

oh-sweet-love; i don't have the vanity to
pretend
...that your g. o. n. e.  doesn't a\c\h\e\
... my whiskey bears witness to how
my >hands> qui>ver > and> shake

spendingmy nights
on-the-living-room-floor
dra _ gg _ ing>>>  a cigarette
while 'ole Keaton sings... my... songs...

^H^op^E^ is wish _ ful th°in°king°
better saved for those who-know-it's-worth
cause I've tossedthedice; and/my/love
,... and it {just} hasn't been,... e n o  **ugh.

How the feel. of. you. lingers
<been looking for some.... one; I
can be a\lone __ with>
... in your arms i seemed to get myself
a//  Way from;...me

time just didn't 't' i' c' k' ' '  the same
Nospacebetweenyouandme
tan~g\l~~ed~ uP in-your-sheets

On your mouth I;
(((no longer treading water)))
could.     b. R. e. a. t. H.     again

I'mtryingtoexplain;,...

how; your hands-in-my-hair
made my loneliness leave.  me. alone.
notforminutesbut for {h} ours

and:,...Since having^your^tongue^
things just-won't-taste-the-Same
My memory guards. the. meaning;
.... of my FaVoRiTe New Years ...day

wAKing UP
Next>> to you
In~   hale 》breathe. you. IN
you,.you,.....your ten《so soft》der skin
how it hasn't felt
quite. like. this.
so en>twin>>ed
so right, right, right
as if we've held. _  that  _  space
100s of;... times.
wh\  is\ per\ s. S. s. about our Iives
tra》》cing your arm
KiSSing your s  p  i n   e
such peaceful moments
losing-the-time
touching like this,...
...my fa vore ite
& it's as if We'VE BEEN here
be, {some other life} fore
so ~at~ease~
...in. your. arms.
I suppose;,...
it's  //like//
,.... *home

can't u<n<d<o what's been done
the gap that once- held- a- heart
is bound to a girl
who. wants. no. part.

in the lov\ing and long\ing
that tears me A. p.   a.    r. T.
cause the mind^might^know^better
but there's-no-convincing the heart

De》spite what's better for me
... to be loved and HeldSoClose
how do I [shadow. ]]]]]]  the memory
of what I wanted,... most ¿

Oh, the irony; how I never
really had. her. at. All
still;,.... left alone spinning
I'm left alone //stalled//

this hopeless ro°man°tic°
keeps playing a game I. can't. win.
time can't e《《《rase her beauty;
OR how she seeped in

It's like beating>my> head>>
against the same spite||ful wall
...but giving-up-is-just-giving-in
By God, the re■so■lute should... win

I couldn't make her keep me
been-on-my-knees for_so _long
~    And now. I. see. the
                the writing on the wall ~~~~
It's the same for you now,...as you/want/me
to love you// you want me to fall

& isn't that such a...s  h  a  m  e
why does it have to be\ that\ way¿
So much loving, and, passion, and, good,
        tossed》 to》the 》winds;

...  lostinthe  ...  would/ should...{if only I}
... Could

Remember how it started...
Rasberry mocha
....Postcard from Chicago
Making love on the lifeguard tower
How we we soaked the sheets
.... in your apartment...that
Blistering summer

Pedaling through sunshine
To find the largest brews
...Reading in bed
Making a home...

Our kitten burrito
...Lazy afternoons
Spooning to football
...on the sofa

Your Masters show
Sundays in the print room
...The giant press
It took both of us to turn the wheel

My favorite friend
My favorite laugh
How I fell so much more in love with you
...each time you sang to me...
{****** voice}
......'Mon Cheri' Amore'

Our nephews...so tiny in our hands
... Christmas gingerbread
And quarters on the living room floor
Standing in the rain for hours to help a stranger;...78 bites later

I never felt more beaUtiful than
that day// in that dress// I do and I did
How we fit so perfectly/puzzled
...but we still fell to pieces

When you were pack\ing\up
》》Back to New York
I. was. so. ready... to let it go
But-then-you twisted it up
You dug^your^self^in^
,...at the very-last-moment
and SaiD allofthethings
I nev.   er // ev.  en knew;
{I wanted to hear}
so;,... youcalleddibs
And I thought. you. meant. it.
I went-along-for-the-ride
until I >could>not>dream>of>a>time
                   with out
                      YoU
And precisely once/I/told/you/so;
you van.      ish.            ed

You don't gettodecide
if. you. hurt. me; ....darling
that's enTIRE {d}ly
up to....Me

I want to feel deeply again,
She had written;
&I; didn't know there was any other wAy;
But then, again that's\been\my\problem
... for. so. long...
She's got some-appointments-to-keep
And I've got >my >miles to walk and. to. Think .
But I im/a/gine a;... time
    maybesometimesoon
we'll meet~on~some~street
& I will know those hazel eyes
...and,... her laugh will recallmyeasysmile
& it will be;
Our time,...

let's go back.  to.  the. start.
Texts-and-Snaps
late-night-talks

can\we\start\over,..?
re­read Clementine
andcrytogether,...

how about a re//do?
Before;...I overusedmyverbs
and you would\n't hear. me. anymore.

I could turn-down-the-noise
...to a suit/ab/le level
for us to continue
...ex》ploring each》 other

I want {you} to be back
whenall_ I couldhopefor
...was. your. lipPsSsss
awake\every\night
...with °thou°ghts° of. your. kiss.

Before my s/t/u/p/i/d
₩,...romanTIC...°°mind
Caved>> every//thing//in

But,..then;.... a_gain,...

maybewewereneverreally
meant;... to be
...JUst,... friends

Her loving is wan__ing
...it creeps in
it crawls out...
Who's behind the curtain
...is ta^ng^led in doubt
And it's wr\ench\ing
...and charming
...and beautiful//too
it's all-that-you-wanted
It's all that you knew
...and the more you try. to. fight. it.
The more you only
...lose.

in the rearview mir\r\o\r
- everything is clear (n)er -
it was always all. about. you
Just-A-Breath-Between-Disasters

i was.so.sure. i could keep you
(then//It was all that seemed to matter)
your leavingwassudden
...your damage was g. r. a. d\ u\  al...

trymybest to drink-you-away
the ghost of your smile
is a per>sis>tent>spector
(and I know/no/now)
How-Much-I-Do-Not-Want-You-Any-Longer

O<but>h~-

how-

you _have __

ling  er.   e          d

Honesty; A Funny Thing
everyone says it's what they want
but what they need is a reflection
of their own thoughts

i have been honest
i say what i feel \ feel what i say
keep giving chunks of this heart away
pieces of me strung all over the place

and the poet and the writer
who've camped in my chest
the aristist i married
wrecking ***** & trainwrecks

all one-in-the-same
they each dug inside
...some with spoons//
...some with knives

If only...
you were a.  p
                            o
                            e­
                            m

I could e.  r.  a. s. e.

[                 ]
[                 ]

each line...

...I could

ecapskc a b

every.  ...   l e t t e r

1.
at.
a.
time.

If only...you were

A ~ s°     n°
            O.      G.~~~

I could hit

               S }>k}>i}>p}>

I could p.r.e.s.s.

_mute

...l o v e...

comes¡so¡quickly¡

《yet》

..... FORGET///ing

takes

so  -  d/a/m/n/e/d/

loooooooooooooooonnnnnnnngggggggg

I drink from the b°ot°tle°
,...these days
Let's just cut-to-the-chase
what I thought mattered
was your wasted space
But no matter//no worry
I'm glad. for. this. ache.
at least I have felt it
I don't. have. any. shame.
I refuse to feel sorry (or any regret)
you own so much beauty
I'm just another some//body who
....F
        E
             L
                  L
... for it

we didn't talk. of. the. weather.
except to concede
its power over sub//lime sleep
Our hushed
Whispers
of what
Set
our
Skin
on
f...^^i...^r..^^e
,,...the wet
longing
in the the pages of
a French harlot
,... the empty spaces left
When love
Is 》》》 gone
& how kissing
Should be done only
by,...°°hours°°...
How melodies
can leave us n.a.k.e.d
& time and space
are tiny matters
when the stars aro{we}und collide

no,...we didn't speak of
^little^things^
We lost our hours in
ThE WoRdS
and it's the teary
re// col// lec// tion of this
That has me typing
At 3 AM
..._again

green eyes
pale skin
you- know- me- already
so much better than most
...the endless loop
of your mouth/and/your/words...
too young to walk
around with your ghost,...
old enough to know
what .you're. worth.
and the miles
...and years between us
...don't scare me...
but the steps I take
with~out~you
KEEP me
from getting any
sleep

my
LipPps

On.your.

LipPps
and

d e
...lic
...i
o...
U... S. sss. sss

My legs are growing  ~weary~
walking with these boulders.on.my.chest,...
have to focus on each ^bre{inoutinout}ath^
while I'm spinning to ¤de¤ci¤pher,...
be\tween the right/and\wrong
....and the [s p a c e ] in be-tween,...

I know I fell for you,...but that's no reason
to》hold》 it 》against me,...
even when I held 《you《against 《me,...
it was always the words...
and the s/h/a/r/i/n/g that matter most,...and I just...
wAnt...thAt...AgAin,...

Let's <carve> out a space that is... just//ours
... to share,...
it doesn't have to be what anyone...
... e.x.p.e.c.t.s,...
But the gap_ that's been
>>>left>>>>>>
... by the words-and-wants-we-shared
is a vastness that's haunting,...

...it just feels so... ₩rong...

& i don't want to be heavy
but I'm on.my.knees.now,..
for some words//letters//sounds,...
to make ~sense~ of the beauty
we,...just,... left,....
,
......ontheground

silence
ScrEamS your
c
H
o.   <youcouldhavejustsaid>
i
C
e

YOU;,...didn't have to
LeT the flo
                wers,...die
To
prove/a/point

Be_cause
The only lie^i^told^
was when i said the
Po
    Ems
Weren't a\b\o\u\T
you, Y o u, {o, u, Y}¿

>>>>Mostly
i.just.want.you.
To have(andtohold)
Allofthethings
....EVEN IF
it's
with//so {me} one
//else...

When the words
are no long er my
...allies
How I still covet
each... l e t t e r
shared
,...yet;now
she swears
<< timing >>
owns
every\Y\thing
& I
don't even...k{NO}w
whatthatmeans

I. need. you.
To help me...
Let/this/go{ifthatswhatyouwant}
Because the taste of your words
...And\your\mouth
Are- merciless- spectors
In a mind swimming with wants...
It takes only.one.word.
Your choice
Stay....
Or go,...
2 letters or 4
...and no//thing more,...

How. I. wish.
her....po//ems.S.sssss
Were.
about
m
E

I just want to love you
...I've decided.
And it's not what/you're/expecting
It's not what you've.come.to.know.
You see,....as I walked with the stars
tonight;
It occurred to me....
....What most call 'love' isn't so...at all...
What most call love...
Is merely a loan....

They give their 'love'
But if not returned...(it is expected to be returned{and often with interest})
Well,...there is disappointment/resentment/even the///antonym...{howdaresheafteralltheloveI've....}
That kind of 'love' is merely a bar//gain...
That kind is a ne-go-ti-at-tion of give/and/ receive...that.is.a.......loan...
That is Banking 101.

I'm not going to loan you.

I've decided {iamhelplesstoresist} to love you...
...I am in love with you...
And who doesn't love being in love...?
I mean,...I'm elated
I could burst just thinking your name
I am grinning like a fool [when I think of things I want to tell you]
And my step is lighter>And my heart is fuller> And my laugh is quicker>and the world is a warmer place....
...Like this...
And I am grateful.
...and I need nothing from ...you
You never have to even... know...
I just get to selfishly enjoy loving you  {eyes,mouth,voice,words}
On
My
Own

So,..I've decided to. l o v e. you
.....And I'm so h/a/p/p/y.

Words that fell so...easily
...now stalled within my mouth.
Our static/electric/con-nec-tion
...faint and all but ground.ed.out.
Violet/crimson/tangerine
...whitewashed to simple gray.
The tension of.the.wanting
...slackened-slip-knot...
given; way.
My head is above^ground^again
...My feet treaded/your/way
Now that you've chosen...n o t h in g
...only scattered letters
....left...to...claim.
The spell...has been/b/r/o/k/e/n.
...You made your point-of-pain;...
you,...so convinced 'defeat and ruin'
...the only outcomes gained.
Your reasons and your why's
{You so clea(n)r-ly cling to fear}
There's a calm...you've...found
....in-holding-on to old love and/old/tears.
Although I tend/to/let/slip ONLY
..what's been torn from my clenched F ist S.
I realize in my heart-break-moment
There.... is.a.certain//...
...Mercy...
...found.../in/this.