I can't shake ...
the hold/the clasp/the clench...
All/my/air.
...she told me... I/had/a/
....good //name.
...And
I can't-explain-to-anyone
(She's probably the only
heartbeat to.get.it//said it)
...why it even...matters.
But the sentiment has. ..
... s. t.
>U.
>C.
k.
And i'm Swallowing marbles
...At the thought/of/it
[IKnowsheknowsiknow]
In the end...
It's those {little}
...Things
that so easily could go... <un-noticed>
{WE noticed everything
sheandi}
..That was the beginning
Of the beginning
[That barely got a start]
So many ~little~ things...
//armwrestlingpoetswhiskeyart//

In the end it's so... p l a i n...to see

...it's so.often.the {small---est} shards...
that cause.the.most.
...harm.

I watched the sun...rise...
Naturally (these,days) my thoughts.... drift.to.her.
~as they seem to do~
orange, and, blue, orange, and, blue,
And I've always had faith in the universe
Knowing the lessons were there...
...Somewhere.
But this time....this one.woman.
《poetinmyheart》
It doesn't seem quite... fair
I wasn't ......l o o k i n g
I did. Not. need.
I/was/con.tent.
being.
How is it that I stumbled upon...her
The path;each step;...cruel shoes
...wonder//how I ever wandered...
...On that road that-led-to-her
I AM NOT this girl...
I don't just.... fall,...
Not.like.this...
Mostly,...--- not. at. all,...
I even told her...how I/don't/think/I've/met my greatest love,..yet
And,..yet....
I'm wounded and I'm b a f f l e d
And feelingsosmall...
...this longing so desparately
For.her.eyes/hands ^smile/voice
...alloverme
And all of it just- a - l-o-n-g - list
Of what-I-
can...Not
--------- have...
.here. I. am.
///Stalled///
...maybe I...can...
feel Grateful {nonetheless}
For f/i/n/a/l/l/y
Feeling... this way
....at all....
Now I know---I CAN...
I guess there is.a.lesson
in ...being...
s/m/a/s/h/e/d/....

Until her...
....I thought I was just...
... broken.

My reasons...
Lack reason.
Shared paper/words/
wants.
Con\nec\tions...
...SNAPS and ...dots...
Don't.know.what's.missing.
Until... you... find...it...
//Own my heart//
Own/my/thoughts
And I never had you at all
...But how I  want you
    So.little.time.
spilledwords---spilled wine
On paper <insignificant>
...I suppose...
holding hands by holding rhymes
If marked in tempo...if marked in time
...Barely a cursive i
Still//stillness... I,...Left here...
...am haunted
{Spector of your smile}
-ScribblingMyVitals-
Prose to quell the ache
....finally awake....
Left to linger in the wake:
the joy of your hello;
Deceives the
...the s l i c e of/your/
good//bye.
...minutes too slender
Yet my skin... knows...
the bite.

You, so carefully reckless
so lovely..
so delicious...your words/thoughts/vision...
...these Flavors of Entanglement
Form the most.savory.morsel
.... that makes this...
wanting you...
a...Jagged Little Pill

And you already know
.... I'd hand over my ribs to be your anything;
tiptoe-ing toward "Everything"...
How I've wanted to have you and to hold you..,,  Now is the Time
.... I'd give all I have and I.think.you.should.know.that...
"You Owe Me Nothing"...and yet, I choke down these empty bites/Space Cakes/
...just as you know and I k(no)w in the end, this is the end....
... of the story that only
began,....

I should spend my minutes... singing "Sorry to Myself" instead...of
Soaking up the hours, here,....
I "Flinch" 'at your name'...
And long so absently present
Because I know "UR"
. ...you're there...
I found you,...'in a universe of cosmic tears'

Darling, you must know.... It's a bitter thing to swallow
"That I Would Be Good"...'whether with or without you'
...But you won't have me...
..and "Till You"...
I didn't know what it was...
... to be "Incomplete"
left alone...
to Feast on the Scraps

And it's not and will/not/be...there is no "Permission" granted here....'spinning my wheels around'....
Stifled... down,...
"Not As We"
....and it won't be me...
And isn't it "Ironic" how "You Learn"
...the best...
from the silent things?

And it's wrenching and it's...
... honest; how such  "Precious Illusions" grind/my/bones.
One hand tossing you my...marrow
And "One Hand in My Pocket"

You, you, you...with your words and your... lips...
"So Pure" {How 'I love how you dance'}
Knocked/me/out/of/my/senses
And threw my "Head Over Feet"...
Although...."Uninvited"
...I "Thank U" for showing me
"All I Really Want"
..even knowing...knowing...
All our connects are Under Rug Swept
... I have no place in "Your House"
...You, you, you.... in your self imposed "Moratorium"

I,...a **** distance away...
Supposed Former Infatuation ******
Savor the sweet incessant taste of; loNGING ...it lingers,in my mouth...in my teeth
For you,/me, /we
To be
"SIMPLE Together"
"In Limbo No More"

I know/I know better,.. I have to let.it.be.
It may be some time
...It's going to take awhile longer
...I "Can't Not"
Hunger for you
{Held in the craving}...the
Havoc and Bright Lights....
blinded in focus ...of the So-called Chaos ..
....of my wanting you

Someday I'll be "Hands Clean"
...In the moments between,...my " Torch" is
still lit...
"I Remain"...  bound in a feeling,..an awe,...An. .....overwhelming
consumption-of-my-guts...
from "That Particular Time"...when we spoke of.... words...and The Collection
Of all the/things/that/matter...
ignoring all the space
b  e  t  w  e  e  n
...Rejecting the // time....

And I call it significant...
... "You Oughta Know".

SOoo,...it's popcorn for dinner...
...how the gin soaks up the hours...
scouring some words...
To/bring/an/end
The END
{no epilogue required}
...To the aching spaces in my marrow
The Binding/Cinching
across.my.chest
...the natural consequence;
every time I think your...
Name.
Because the whiskey won't do
O
R
the wine or the smoke
...it's just me
~And my dog~
...wondering...
what is to become of me.
And
I was f  i  n  e  before I found you,... how-we-wish
you'd come
...Fetch me.

Ah,..
What.A.Thrill...first thought...last
thought...first thought,...last...and my words
don't...
scare...you...because you like to read...and
feel...and think and know...and, I have
always been in love with honesty...and you
accept the... words...that
walk out of my
fingers,...
and swim off my
tongue,...
thankyou
it feels like freedom,...
and sunrise....

I.
Tripped/Fell/Crashed/Burned
In-
Love-
With-
You.

Sadly,...
That.
Is
The
End...
Of.
The.
Story.

Hung...
over.
Trying to get over...it
Half the time,..I don't even know what.I'm.
Doing...
There's been too much w (h) in e .
...I know
that much.

I.Fell.
Hard.
I think it smacked me...
stupid.
I think it's got me...
******.
To think; I think; if I can write
the...right...
words...
It will change the whole
song.
I must be moronic//
my brain is just complete mush.
The band long since left the stage....
and the mics have all been hushed.
There is no combination; or action; or words
I know; I know; I know;
that can change your mind or change.the.
world.
enough for US to ever...work...
I keep telling my simple self
{some small part knows the truth}
But here I am still s p i l l i n g l e t t e r s...
...I s t i l l keep w a n t i n g......
you.

I'm sorry my, dear
But you
just
aren't
Her
...I could only give you what's left of my
heart
...Now,...; isn't that a
lo(n)vely
Start...

My regrets, sweetheart..
You look so pretty in that dress,
As I watch you undress...
...and you fit the space in my bed so
Nicely;
...a reprieve from its emptiness.

My apologies, my girl;
I know you want to love me through
tomorrow;
but-that's-just/not/fair.

I feel badly, my darling...
...It's not/your/fault.
She's seeped in my teeth
and nothing tastes.the.same.
...since she's gone...

I'll tell you, beautiful one,
Thank you, for how you
Hold me.
...It's nice here...
But I
just
can't
...stay.
Since September;,...everything
changed.

...and after they had finished speaking...
tucked soundly in her sacred
bed...it...rained...it poured...the most
delicious sound her ears could hear...it
rained...and, so...christened...she and
she...and what it all could be....

You...were alwaYs
so hectic in.the.Morning
How I should just call you
Mis
take

But,...now I have. Your.
Dog.  I think he's
Stay(unlike you)ing

And lying next
to me
I should thank.you.

You left.
and gave me...
thegreatestloveiveeverknown.

Our toes were in the sand,...
when I saw your eyes
...fade
Something in the timing of your...blink
...something vacant in all//that//green
So vivid; the moment//sepia tone Poloroid in
my brain.
...more honestly,...I felt it,... mostly
You had stopped
seeing
///me.
Ohhhhh,... you let~me~love~you
one.more.time.
You rushed in and then.you.were.out.
{how you always liked to
Come
and go}.
And there was little ten/der/ness in it
Your eyes had always pul(owned)led me
in...

Until. that.
Mo/ment
...and I Knew.
It was
over.

.

of course,... I get it
Where/can/it/go
why.bother.even.try/ing
You're playing it smart
Protecting your
...heart.
For me...it's was just.too.late...
too many...connects;
...not every{any}
one is...like you,...and so that/is/my/problem.
The more im pos si ble// = so romantic
It's like fuel to a fire
...and the years/lifetime be/tween //me and you
scream how much more....learning
I have to do
And there is no fault...really,
...longing is.the.beast...
We've both been here before
You already know...
She {insatiable brute} will not
stop...//...harnessed heart...//leading
thoughts and pulling parts...until...
...maybe,...we have the guts
To set -- her --
Free;
onto you//into me

I guess I de
Serve it.

Split open my chest
rip out what's left//left//left/right//left...

left to wonder/obsessed

Hanging
~Tangled in the words~

torture

Give me cursing/screams/mock me to
...tears.

But please.dear.god.

the smothering solitude of...

[                                            ]

"****** my trigger
blame my gun"
And who knew...you... would have such an... effect
on/in me.
I see you had no intention...nor did
I...but...still
Dumb luck.
We had so much to say/mean/connect/upon
...and all/of/a/sudden
it was all I ever wanted...before
I knew what
I wanted..
And... that's how loving seems to go...
Chasing our ghosts,...while another chases us with
prose...
Each deciphering the can-not-haves///
from different ends of the... barrel.
And I have only sadness and longing
and joy....
For what you struck.in.me....
Because,... I know that my aim is
true...
...but my gun is too
weak.
And,... my darling, darling girl,...
I've been there,...
too.

it's not (much) like a Virgo
to put.it.all.out.there
but earth needs water....to thrive
/so I live by the ocean/
...and it took a fish to bring the words...
to life.
It's not just about...her
...a wellspring was... sprung
and language spills out.
Something about walking toward sunrise (her smile)
the fog horns (her laugh) and eucalyptus (her story) has ...
got me.
It's not as if I've gone crazy...
but, she is my favorite fish ~ these days ~
...she had something(s) to say
her words and thoughts dropped desperate rain;
...I had no choice but to soak.her.in.
It's not so hard to fathom
I was born with a love for words...,
although, it's true,... I haven't
always had so much to say.
But there is some..thing
about that Pisces
that has me spinning,typing,spinning...away...
Don't take it literarily
...unless,.. the words move you.
Earth has a constant/unconscious
chatter...
even though,{ironically}, most of it is under...
water....
You might think me mad,
but there is a... hunger... I'm feeding,
and,.. I didn't know it was there
...until, (not.a.moment.too.soon.)
I found her.
So,... I live for these hours,...alone
...the words...they have their own....pleading.
I didn't even know it was in me...
but this well seems to run...deeply...
Oh,... how the one's before her would have adored it...
theywerecertainlynotprivy
to words of longing/love/needing.
Those are all. just .for. her.
although I know it seems...heavy.
But this GIRL has me flooded..
this fish...//has me//...swimming
...and I'm reveling in the struggle;
...even if/it's/just/treading/water.

there's been...enough... wine
but...not,...enough
time...to for-
get
a
Bout
You.

That's gonna take

more.

letting...it...go
But/can/someone
...please...
Tell
me

What do I do with the [    space.    ]
left
...///between//

us

I don't even know what.I. want.
...but there is such...beauty
In the longing
...you taught me
That.

I guess...you could be...right...
since when does irrational...pay off...?
And... you have your reasons;
there's a list as long as your arm.
I assume you've thought.this.through.
I'm left to accept...
making love to you... would probably have
been my death;
After all,...just the thought stops my chest.
I realize...your fear is valid;
I'm sure your...taste... would leave me...
starving.
Clearly, you know what you know you know what you
know,...you know...
There was no//where this could go.
I presume you're sure you're correct,...
your voice is my honey,.. but I'm sure
you've got words that could...sting.
You're so certain STOP is more suitable
...and ' irrational ' is too risky;
for sensitive little fishes.
I know you have been here...before...
Chasing the unknown;
But that was a different girl -
You should remember that I'm/not/her;or her;...
I'm thinking you'd like to be convinced this is
wise
~letting it go~
...even though I see the sun/rise in your
eyes...
And I could love you...clean.
You're probably right,...if you so insist...
I'm sure we're.better.off.
Not.
Knowing.

It makes no...sense
...I plead no pretense.
But if honesty is a...fault
...well, then, I own it in spades;
And I'm pleased to have.no.shame.
Because,...darling...
We aren't what.we.need.
...and don't you see the...beauty
In that?
It's all the ...wants {Iwantyou}
..all OF the wants...
Wrapped into one (youmewe)
...and I can't close my eyes...anymore
Without the delicious thoughts...
Of your~skin~on~me;
How I want to trace those freckles with my...
Tongue...
...And map each one.
Just the lightest touch...
To form your body's silhouette;
Drawing portraits of poets from your ribs to
Your feet.
...and there is no rush in this//
And these moments are ours
...and it means everything to kiss//
How I could kiss you for hours.
No, ...my dear...darling
...there is no.sense.in.this.
But if loving needs... logic...
...I want no/part/in/it.

Lips..;
your Mouth...
I want
N
ee
D
...to
Kn
...OW

There was something in the way
she left nail marks in my...
shoulders...
and she rode me for hours...
and she liked to be up against
the shower...
and she told me to dosomethingabout_it...
and she liked to watch my eyes...with me
behind her...
and she begged me to tell her things in her
moment...
and she wanted all that I could give her.
The night we crashed into the table,../with
wine wetting the moments;
and on the carpet in the bedroom.
The way she took me in the kitchen,
{pressed against cool Lemon tiles; with
dinner burning}...
and she thought that I ought to
****/the/brat/right/outta/her...
it was so much to savor...
but knowing how I know her
...what she really needed was someone to
save
...her.

I would thank...you
There is such beauty in your...pain
And there is the...healer in.me.
but the ache let's me know I'm alive
I've loved you in my hea(rt)d
and my hea(d)rt longs to.know.you.more.
I was so rarely lonely...before,...I met you
...and it doesn't/wouldn't/couldn't/won't have
to make sense to anyone,...but me and {maybe} you
//how you seeped into my bones//linger in my mouth//your pirate smile smuggles my thoughts//
And,....tell me now, darling; how do I get
through...tonight...today
{knowing you are out there}
And we con-nect-ed....
SO...ManY...Dots...
andwordsmatter.
When it went  //     silen.t.    //
well...
it just knocked me to the floor...
...and i've been laying/lying/laid/lain there
ever...
...since...

Crossed lines, lines crossed...tangled up in
the sublime...the beauty in so much to
say...trading words and thoughts and
wonderings...each a thread; now binding up
my silly heart...So tied in satin...twisted
bows of truth and longing
and...words...and words and words...I can
not begin to unravel the tightness in my
chest at the thought of your smile...Waking
wish for your eyes on me...and all of the
pretty words...oh my stupid little heart...left
...
hanging...

Slipping do
W
n
The rabbit hole...
Thoughts and wants and thoughts and
wants...
spinning,...gloriously spinning
Can't wipe this...
Smile...off my face just thinking your...name
And your words and your...voice...the
sounds of you...
......burrowed inside of me
And it's Last thoughts and First thoughts and
First and Last, last and first...and waking to
the wet wanting of
your skin all over me...

your mouth...I want to bite your lips...****
on each and kiss you for hours...That proud
nose, those bottomless green
eyes...eyes...the eyes have it, that those
brows frame in vain.....Features,
that,...form the most interesting face I've
ever ....Seen...BeaUtiful...yesss...but more,
more,...morethanthat...and I just keep
finding That face...and ***...this is
ridiculous...and ****...*******...****...I'm a
******* of the highest degree to want
and want...can't have can't have...and really
you shouldn't be had at all...not that
we had a chance...Years and miles.Miles
and years...but God
knows...knowing...knowing...knowing all of
this...My.dear.God.,...I'd still die to be
underneath you.

Can't tell you why I'm up
...exhausted in sleep.
It could be the suffocating heat
the beers I had to drink.
...but you said you'd call...
and I'm thinking of all the reasons I made up
in/my/head,...that I haven't heard
from you in 14 days/2weeks/336 hours...
When we shared so Many Words
{And it meant so much
And I want you so much}
...and you are still spinning prose,...so I know
You are up....
I've waited...to hear from you
...and now I know why I'm up.

I'm so spun out
spinning
spun
spit  me out

slipping
sliding
sinking
d
o
w
n

to an empty space,...where
there is no room for love...because
you don't believe and you
don't need it

you like to say poetry is everywhere...I'd like
to say it dances on your lips...tangled in,...
your hair,...swimming in your eyes,...tattooed
on your skin,..the freckles on your
chest,...your hands that hold whiskey and
books,...coffee cups,...and tiny hands that
bring so much love,...Poetry thrives in your
smile,...your laugh,...your *******,...the wet
reminder of longing and lust...the poetry
is,..you

I've had them FA{ithinkiwanttodateguys}ST

I've had them SL{imsooverthis}OW

I've had a wi{justdome}fe

I've had a di{idontwantanykids}vorce

But this time it was all coffee arm wrestling sexwax....and
whiskey
.... then
[                                     ]

I guess,... I don't get to.
know.
It was...all the somethings I said/
The lines that I wrote;
it was all you...you. the. catalyst...forgotten
whims of passion and romance, {back to life}
...so/so/so
long; lost at sea*

And; ...now ...I don't get.to.know. if you...
hitch hiked..ed...to Africa//with Beryl...
SOARING; West With the Night,...

Or if Nin's siren; was
That woman you can't/not love;...as you feel
your soul haunted in the House of Love,...

So,...what's to come...of//old
Heming{blasphemy}way...in Spain as the Sun
Also Rises; so tortured by the love that can
not consumate,...does it make your
longing for it...//more...?

And,...I g.U.e.s.s.
I'll never know...
...if you tried your coffee with
Honey...

...I just don't.get.to.know,........now.

It was im//pos//sible from the start
..but my god...
...You were delicious
I have held you in my
mouth...
I have held you on my
...tongue
I have spilled my words and my
...heart
As you rest there against my
teeth//
I tasted your letters and I drank your
Loves
And now I'm just here
........starving.

I think I dreamed you up...probably/maybe
it's the whiskey
Here one minute...late night phone calls....then
gone
-------it's only an illusion
I'm stuck on----
That would be the gentler truth...any other...
than your vanishing...
cause you knew all the authors...we chimed
in on
...stanzas
You had no idea; how much it all
mattered...
I so caught up
...I weaved you words polished in wine
to be greeted by...
silence...
left/a/lone
to write sappy lines....

How I woulda, coulda,...shoulda...

taken.my.time.

you have a phenomenal...smile.., close to
a...**** eating grin, really...of epic proportions...it says...I know fuckingshit you don't know... and... I wanna color and do
Play-Doh with you...and when you share
it...well...one can feel...absolutely certain...
that you have carnal knowledge
of...every...inch...of...skin...and that
you...can...smell...the wet...between
the legs...at the sound...of your name...
and it's all swimming together in one...
marvelous...grin...and all at once...it's
******* lovely...

I don't think... I.am.s orry are the right.
3. words to choose
They can't retract/remove/retrace the wreck
of all the ones I used
Oh/my/I couldn't help myself; Your voice was a sunrise
your words Neptune

Hearing you,Hearing you...Reading you,...reading
you,...reading you...

There was no other way this could go
...regardless of wisdom
and the light of ageless truths...of distance and time.//you
should know; passionate women are always
going. to. be. so,..
and with reckless abandon...
[the more it doesn't make
A
N
Y
sense] the hyper! incessant! flashing! green!
light! in my head...just blink-blink-blinking
me to keep spilling...the...letters/words/language/said...

{that.should.have.just.stayed.in.my.head}

and so here we are...it WAS the cru{foolish}
elest lie...when I tossed you my banner: I said
I.have.nothing.to.lose.
...so very wrong...I lost it all; and now I
don't
even
have someone to
Cry over Clementine
with.

The eternity of moments...waiting
mo...ments.....
does she know what I
meant?...well it means everything,.. but
that's too much...If only I could have
stopped
...my silly heart overtakes my head
and my hands,... just keep
writing....it...
down.  Keep spilling...my words and
soul,,, turned inside out//exposed///
Howmuch- howgood-howunique...to feel a
kindred...heart...
SPlattER...my silly heart all
over the page and ...handing.it.over.
a coffee mug stain
of shameless/vulnerable/bold/
Really,...and now
we know
just ill advised... because,...everyone
knows,...
truth/passion/romance
died
long ago... and all of the words... are just too
much,...
too, too, too
much

You can't...really blame her;...it was fall
and,...so...she fell...Tripping along through
Clementine and Nin.,,,the sweet seduction
of...this stanza,...these words//yes,..{yes}
I feel it, too/two/to...
Stumbling...through...the
wanting ...to.hear.her.voice,,..//shared//..,,heart
breaking;...with Ray and soaring with Zoe,...taking the
leap..,,///
~There aren't many out
there who care so much about words~...she
so s.t.u.ck. in my head...crash to my knees,...
the{oh ****}landing//that h u r t s
...but the rush,..the way down....the
weightlessness,...short eternal
flight.  Soaring// through space;
...bird
...heart beat.
Counting
time,... it's everything,..and it's everything..to have
a falling heart is to have...
everything...
Every
Thing.

Morning walk...you know how I covet
sunrise...and eucalyptus...the damp and
the salt....[oh, how I am drawn to
fishes]...sherbet streaks through a
retreating
dark. A new day...
a new fate...
Mind drifts://colors fade from
sight;...and left with Me...
reaching across a
table; *******...gently
...slowly,... so de//li//cious the
moment...Guide the hair that has
fallen...across your face.. a vague
interruption. ..to our eyes locked in a
stare.  and there is no sound//all light//stillness//eyes
speaking volumes,...eyes have so much to say;in these
moments,..
,,.....In these seconds,... there is and has
only ever been the two of us...you and I in a timeless gaze,...and
...only so slightly aware of the scattering of atoms, stirred by...Me...
reaching across a
table; *******...gently
...slowly...so bound in the
moment...Guide the hair that has fallen....