It’s been a years time.
I pretend to be fine
Peachy and refined.
But I’m broken.
Can’t let people hear the words unspoken,
Because no one actually cares about these emotions.
Sometimes you let them out,
Then you get an unhealthy amount
Of awkwardness...
And loneliness.
Because no ones listening to what you have to say,
They just say sorry about your day
Never hearing the awful way
Your heart cracks...
And shatters inside you..
Like a heart attack...
Breaking but what can you do
Except sit there and hide the awkwardness
And loneliness.

I dreamed of you again,
Every time I seem to be able to forget about you and move on,
I dream of you again.
It’s like the cracks in my heart refuse to mend,
It’s like my brain wants a constant reminder of you.
10 years and now all I get is to dream of you again.

I woke with a start and reached for you.
You weren’t there and I remembered why.
I let out a sob and my tears ran black,
Like my tainted soul.
They burned on the way out as well
Like my soul was trying to burn you away from the inside out.
So I sobbed as I forgot you again for another night.
Eventually the tears turned to ice,
My soul freezing out the memory of you,
And I returned to bed, my soul numbed.

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed,
Woke up with something wrong in my head,
Woke up feeling like the living dead.

I woke up to one of those days,
Where things go wrong in so many ways,
Where things on a Tuesday feel like mondays.

I woke up to a black cat crossing me,
Went under a ladder I didn’t see,
Hit a salt shaker and thought well everything comes in three.

But it’s okay,
Is what I tried to say,
As I sat there on a Tuesday that was like a Monday.

Was it fun,
Watching me dig my own grave,
How about when I tripped and fell in?
No. The most delightful part must have been dropping the dirt on top of me.
Watching me suffocate,
Alone and helpless.

Was I that worthless to you,
You said nothing as you left,
I thought it’d be alright when you came back,
But I was the last to know.

Was I so worthless you couldn’t talk to me,
You couldn’t act like you cared,
You couldn’t treat me how I treated you.

I tried so hard,
I gave as much as I could,
I lost myself in our time together,
And you didn’t even care.

You broke me,
And you didn’t care,
You ruined me,
And you didn’t care.

Was I that worthless to you?