It's the smallest moments
Etched throughout time
That swells your heart
With unyielding love

This motel's coffee is weak
Even after the 8th cup
Trying to shake off the storms
Thundering in my head
Like too many days
When I haven't felt a reason to be
Out on open roads
I promised to write a letter
To you every day
That these wheels have been rolling
But you've forgotten all the curves to my script

Because it's been too long
Since my pen has scriven
And it's been too long
Since I've kept any promises

Another day and another night
Passes by on the road to another town
And I can't keep track
Of where I was
And who I'm finding myself to become
I call you up from a pay phone
On the corner of loneliness and nowhere
But when you answer
I can't find my voice
And there's a silence that hangs deadly in the air
As you ask is anyone there
I know you know it's me
But you play along like a stranger
Dialing the wrong number
And maybe I'm just a stranger to you anyway now

Because it's been too long
Since I have called
And it's been too long
Since I've kept any promises

This place looks familiarly foreign
Rundown warehouses and farmland
That time left buried deep in a past
That's become more of a dream
Than some old reality
I look around to find the same memories
Playing from the viewpoint of an outsider

Because it's been too long
Since I've been home
And it's been too long
Since I've kept any promises

These tires have lost their tread
On the long driveway
To a house I once called home
That I shared once upon a time
With a woman I loved
I see the embrace waiting for me
Behind that dark oak front door
If I could find the courage
To leave this car
And put the key into the lock
With a twist of the ****
I wonder if I'd still find you
There waiting for me

Because it's been too long
Since I have held you in my arms
And it's been too long
Since I've kept any promises

Because it's been too long
And all my promises are gone

Amber embers cascade
Free falling towards hard pine
Burning sangria of love failed
Sipped sullenly thru disbelievers lips
This is the last time spent beneath ashen skies

Yesterday I watched the world get torn away
Clenched my fists until I bled
Closed my eyes and a laugh escaped
I think I'm going crazy
But that's to be expected
Whatever happened to my happiness
Tied it off into a tourniquet
Didn't mind, I was made to forget
What's usefulness used for
If its utilized uselessly?

I
Have left behind
All
The things that bind
I
Have left behind
All
The things that bind

Tomorrow I'll see the reflection of my past
Can't count the days
But I'll watch them slowly degradet
It's all in asking the questions
Maybe the answers will spill out
When I'm not paying attention
What's usefulness used for
If its utilized uselessly?

I
Have left behind
All
The things that bind
I
Have left behind
All
The things that bind

Today came and went
Couldn't tell you a **** thing about it
I cleansed the dirt beneath my fingers
And pealed my skin away
What's usefulness used for
If its utilized uselessly?

I
Have left behind
All
The things that bind
I
Have left behind
All
The things that bind

(Today)
I have
(Tomorrow)
Left behind
(Yesterday)
All the things

That bind

It was a national day
I pieced myself together
From remains of melancholia  
You asked about the weather
I said it looked like a tornado
I'm spinning into a dreary dream
You laughed the way roses wilt away
And took another sip from a broken glass of wine

I watched the garden untangle itself
In the breeze of an April's December
Hanging holiday lights with whiskey breath
Your hair tangled in knots
Like bows on unopened presents
I remember the shade of Crimson
That you left across the white picket fence
When the rain poured and tried to wash it all away

Tonight's bourbon just fuels the anger
and you're all ******* *******
squatting in dilapidated houses
looking for your next score of *****,
drugs, ******, and freedom.

I support bluegrass music
Slit your wrist with a banjo string
Play me that beautiful country twang

Has the well run dry
Or did it just lose its funding
Of heartbreak, ache, and mistakes?

             *What is there to drink
     When the land is no longer livable
              And we've moved on
                 To better pastures?

I've never known the days
To tick away so slowly
As they have of late
Waiting for my age
To reach retirement
When my body feels
As if it's already there

The day came to an end as the fiery embers of the burning sun hung low and hid behind bruised clouds, setting into the darkening ground far off into the horizon. I looked down and checked the aged and black shaft of the arrow that I absentmindedly twirled between the worn life grooves of my hand. It had been shot many times and taken just as many lives but still remained true and sturdy. The broad head could have used a little sharpening but was still sharp enough to tear and rip thru the thick flesh of most big game. I muttered softly and straggly as I checked the nock. The hoarseness in my voice telling me that it had been a long time since I took a sip from my flask. The smell of courage hung in the air of my breath after a few small gulps; enough to feel the warmth spread evenly over the taste of my tongue and into my bloodstream, coursing it's burn thruout the extremities of my body. I watched out of the broken tree limbs, thorn bush, and **** grass makeshift blind and kept my eyes peeled on the decaying sunlit landscape for any signs of movement as the hunger in my stomach grumbled it's ache aloud. I took another drink to quiet it down and notched the arrow onto the string of my Hoyt compound bow, reading the arrow and my nerves for the **** that I had been anticipating and waiting for the past twelve hours but had also been waiting and anticipating for many days of my long and tired life...

It's in these moments
seldom and few
as they've become
where I feel an infallible loss
ricocheting against my ribcage
when I need you
to quiet the world around me
until I can find serenity
entangled in the lock of your lips
and the warmth of your heartbeat

Life's a shame
***** weather
And broken pain
A life so cold
A summer ago
Lost in a haze
I could not see
Could not touch
The things meant for me

Don't give me death
Just set me free

Wounded wounds
The kind that bleed
I've stitched myself
Beneath Ohio skies
Potholed roads
Traveled long ago
Lead to nowhere
I've been
Wanting to leave

Don't give me death
Just set me free

The best part about having the radio on
Driving down an out in the middle of nowhere road
Is my girl singing the lyrics to every song that comes on
In the seat next to me
With a smile in her eyes
That shines brighter than the moonlight

There's a whole world out there for you and I
Waiting to be seen by our eyes
And explored with every last bit of our senses
There's a whole world out there that can't be missed
I've sat here waiting to meet you
So we can venture onto our adventure together
But I'm thinking that you walked past me unnoticed one day
Or maybe you missed the bus to your next stop
I know there's always that chance that you don't exist
Whatever the reason
This soul is tired of waiting
And I'll be off in the world
Seeing the things we were meant to see
And exploring the world unfolding
Should you feel the need to catch up to me.

The strange thing about lonesomeness
is that no matter how many people
you surround yourself with,
be it the best of friends,
lovers,
or acquaintances;
you'll never get to the point
where you feel like you're with anyone
besides your own voice
rattling away insults in your head.

And even that voice
feels a thousand miles away.

I'm in a world of friends
with strange faces,
hipster clothing,
and lives
that I no longer relate to

And I watch them pass me by
Like snow dunes on the side of the road

These hands have not
Touched a pen
In such a long while
I think of all the words
I mean to write
And how they all fall silent
Before they reach
The page

This voice has not
Spoken a word
In such a long while
I think of all the things
I mean to say
And how they all fall silent
Before they escape
My lips

To claw and grasp at the nearest death
Am I so wrong to cling to my last breath
I've shed this skin a million times before
Soured by the repetition
Of skinning myself to fit in

Two hands joining
The others holding back

To swim in your ocean
Lost in the sea I'll thank you as waves
Take me under, crash over me
And I'll drown the sincerest goodbye
With an abysmal lullaby

For a chance you've said I'd be missed
I'll repeat the scars I've branded with honor
But wear them with diluted meanings
My intentions once seemed pure
Now they're promises I can't endure

Two hands joining
The others holding back

To swim in your ocean
Lost in the sea I'll thank you as waves
Take me under, crash over me
And I'll drown the sincerest goodbye
With an abysmal lullaby

How long the road has waited
To crumble beneath my feet
Wandering to the edge
For a last look at the sun setting
And then I felt the path give way

Two hands joining
The others holding back

To swim in your ocean
Lost in the sea I'll thank you as waves
Take me under, crash over me
And I'll drown the sincerest goodbye
With an abysmal lullaby

Two hands joined
The others held back

I lay on my back pretending I am floating on water
Thinking what dreams you are watching with your eyes tightly closed

Am I missing a world I'm not seeing thru your eyes

I wonder if you'd like to run thru lush overgrown forests with me like a wild beast never knowing humankind
Gliding in and out of the greenest grass and the tallest trees

Or barefoot in the sand on a beach slowly giving way to the waves of an ocean washing inland
I let the water swirl around my feet, pulling sand free and taking me with it

I question if you are doing the same if you were to share my dream

Do you watch the sunset and see the colors I see dancing like an oasis in the distance

Does the same moon shine down for you and bathe us in the same glow on clear sky filled nights

I close my eyes and I taste your dreams as novas explore our atmosphere
And for a second I swear I can hear you whisper when the wind blows

For a second I swear I can hear you whisper that you'll be in my dreams
when the wind blows

So I close my eyes and let the wind carry me into the wildest dreams I'll ever dream

A kiss sweetly planted on the cheek
Moving slowly down the neck
The subtle tinge of hair follicles rising
From the soft brush of a lover's hand across the skin
An elicit moan escapes from a mouth
Hungrily waiting with anticipation
For lips to seal passionately against their own
The silk fabric of bed sheets bound endlessly entangled
As bodies sway to rhythmic dances as ancient as the world itself

We write late into the night,
words carved from barstools, conversations, and car drives.
Words borne from indecency, drawn out brawls, and fragmented memories
We write until the sun comes alive
and we see beastly revolutions
turn into beauty drenched by its brilliant rays
We write the tragedy the night has become
and immortalize our immoral defeats
for prosperity and time capsule memories
so that when we are old and broken and faded
we may recall the stories of our youth
with glimmers of hope
that there is
and always will be
the rebellion of life
coursing its way thru our veins
and that someday
we will go into the night again
And live like we were immortal

The melody plays
Haunting and slow
Getting our blood
Coursing thru

I react to your touch
Soft and careful
Like you're scared
I'm fragile

It's true
I could break
Beneath you

But I'd piece
Myself back
Together
To shatter
Beneath
Your touch
Soft
And delicate
Like a flower
Decaying

I move closer
Feeling the heat
Aching from
Your skin
Like its never
Been touched
And has long
Wanted to be
Caressed,
Worshipped,
And begging
To be
Released
Beneath
My touch

The softest moans
Become the hardest
Screams
When skin
Collides
And the melody plays
To the tangle
Of our
Lonesome ache

I don't believe in love
I haven't for the longest
And loneliest of times

I believe in convenience
Sometimes even coincidences

Small moments in a lifetime of living
Where someone, somewhere clicks
With your lifestyle, your ideology, your youness;
The who you are at that exact moment in who you're becoming

Sometimes they stick around as long as you want
Sometimes longer, much longer
Sometimes they don't stick around nearly long enough
And sometimes you only wish you would've met

You say another place, another time, another life
There's always another to grasp onto

You give chances

1 chance
2 chances
3...

At some point you draw the proverbial line
Cut off all ties
Become numb to the memories...

It haunts you
Somewhere deep where you can't remember it
But you know it's there
And you're back to where you started

With yourself
Becoming yourself
Being yourself...

Until the next love comes along
And you settle comfortably,
At times horribly uncomfortably,
Into the role of Us and We
For as long as you both shall..................

Drown me
In this cold

Tell me
I'm not alone

Fall into the grey
I peel myself away

Hang myself up
For another day

Shredded
On the outside

Scorched
On the inside

Still burning
To remember

What I can't
Forget

It's hard to know
What peace can bring

When I'm always at war
With the image

I've perceived
Of myself

It's hard to know
How bright I can burn

When I'm drowning
In this cold

"We only get a half hour break for lunch!"

Been on lunch for an hour and twenty three minutes.

I ache to trace the scars you've hid so well beneath your skin
   To feast on the nightmares that plague your sleep
Let my hunger satiate deprivation
       So that you may get an honest nights rest
   and tell me all about the good dreams you had

I want to know all the curves to your body
         and what makes them come alive
So that on days you're feeling dead
       I can help bring you back to life

Let me entwine my fingers into the curled strands of your hair
       And tangle them there for as long as you let me

Oh please let me do it for a long time

      I want to know you without borders

Long
          intimate
                          conversations
     over coffee and books we have read
         Books we want to read
     Books that weren't worth reading
            Books the other should read

And more coffee

Always more coffee so we can stay awake
For every moment that we share without borders

I want to sit with you in silence,



                 .             .             .



Look over and see you smiling with the pout of your lips
                   Like your dangerous
        And I'm asking for it
I'll always be asking for it

Without borders I would lean across the world
Just to hear your laughter
           And hold your hand in mine
              If only to feel your touch
                            Just once

      *Watch the sun saunter off into the horizon
      And the stars begin to shine
      As the moon lights up the sky
      In a world without borders
      I could be yours
      And you could be mine

It was silence I would beg for
Before I found the solitude that it brought

How quickly the falling leaves of autumn
Gave way to the bitter frost of winter

As the sun ended its shift earlier every day
And the cold dark night sky stretched across the horizon

Stars frozen in place
Shimmering on iced-over lakes

And glittered snowflakes fell to the earth
Compacted and crunched beneath our road weary feet

Our breath hung still in the air like ghosts made of vapor

We were lost in the white blanketed landscape

With only the warmth of each other for company

Pack the car

Let’s go on a road trip 

We’ll camp beneath the stars

Every chance we get

Wake to roadhouse breakfast

And a decent cup of coffee

All along the way

From one coast to the other

And when we hit that shoreline

We’ll get a boat

And sail around the world

Docking in every port

Taking in the breath of cultures

We never imagined existed

And try exotic cuisine 

That seemed questionable at the time

But tasted delicious

As it settled in our stomachs

And we’ll know every corner of this Earth

And finally be able to call it our home

And as our wanderlust satisfies

We’ll take off to the skies

Far past the atmosphere

And into an even greater unknown

Been working all day long
My hands are soiled
And my mind is gone

Been working all day long
There's dirt beneath my fingernails
As I strum these strings along

Been working all day long
Not a dime to my name
Somehow it all feels wrong

Been working all day long
Fattening another man's pockets
In a job he don't belong

Been working all day long
Busting my knuckles
And singing this work song

The more you move up in the world the more you get paid.
The more you get paid the more you accustom yourself to a way of life.
The more you get accustomed to a way of life the more you forget what living is.

Hop that morning train going down the line
Ride the rails and see the country side
Busk the streets and sleep beneath the stars
Life doesn't wait just because you have bills due.

I haven’t written in ages he thought as he sat down at his desk and stared at the blank piece of lined white notebook paper that stared equally back at him. He grabbed a pen from its holder and noted all the bite marks on the cap and wondered if all were from him or if some of the marks were from former flames, ones that had stood over his shoulder and peered down while he was writing.

He shook the thoughts from his head. It had been a long time since there had been any spark with anyone, hardly enough for a flame.

Ben put the pen nib to the paper and began writing. Words were forming on them but they were not his own and they did not stay. They would fade. They would crumble. They would be as if they never were.

He rubbed his head, paying attention to the bridge between his eyebrows as if the massaging of that one area would elicit an idea.

It did not.

He continued to stare.

The paper continued to stare.

He heard the carbonation fizzing in a gin drink he made before sitting down but could not motivate himself to lift the drink and take it to his lips. He was at a loss and knew there was no way out.

The end of the pen cap rolled onto the floor. The pen followed. Ben slumped down in his seat and rested his head on the paper. He fell asleep and dreamt of robots hunting with Ted Nugent, of swimming in obsidian clouds as the planet below obliterated itself in war, of a girl he knew in college that he had a crush on but never had the guts to talk to. Ben dreamt a thousand dreams and a thousand stories but when he woke up his mind remained blank and full of static.

He stared at the paper.

The paper stared back.

Ben closed his eyes.

The paper continued staring.

I am no beast
tearing thru the wilderness.

I am a newt
hiding beneath the leaves
trying not to get crushed
beneath the feet
of those destroying my habitat.



But sometimes
you have to be a beast...

so I am a newt
with poisonous skin.

Jacob awoke early in the morning on Sunday and stretched out his limbs beneath the flannel sheets on his bed before carelessly tossing them to the side and off of his body. Jacob sat up and half yawned before catching a whiff of his own morning breath and cracked a slight smile and smacked his lips together in disgust. He stood up and after adjusting himself walked down the stairs to his kitchen where a *** of coffee was already brewing having been programmed to do the night before. When the coffee was done percolating, he poured himself a cup in a mug that a student who had graduated years ago had given to him for his help with her English Lit thesis. Jacob drank his coffee black and could not understand why anyone would ruin the taste by mixing it with sugars and cream. But again he thought that of he were truthful he didnt understand much about people at all anymore anyway. He was out of touch with the outside world after his wife had passed away a little less than a year ago. She always kept him up to date with current events and trends, always made sure to keep him social. And without her around he had become a hermit only leaving the house to occasionally show up for work or go on hunting or fishing trips alone.

Always alone.

Today Jacob decided that he would spend the better half of the morning catching up on the world around him as he walked to his front door and opened it wide letting a bright vast amount of sunshine in nearly blinding him before his eyes adjusted. On his front porch was a stack of newspapers from everyday for the past three weeks. Jacob took the top five off of the stack and went back inside to his kitchen table and sat down after making a second cup of coffee, this time adding a splash of Kentucky bourbon. He unfolded the top section of the first newspaper and skimmed the headlines trying to catch something that would hold his attention. There was war, casualties, politics; none of which he felt like stomaching on this early morning.

He flipped to the comics and scanned the panels, laughing a silent chuckle at Garfield and a few others but folded the paper back up in disgust and tossed it towards the pile of other papers when nothing caught his attention longer than a couple of seconds.

Jacob sipped his coffee and stared into the dark black liquid until he saw his reflection staring back at him. He was disheveled, could use a shave and a haircut. His eyes, always the brightest blue, now looked dull grey, bloodshot, and sunken slightly into his forehead causing his eyebrows to become a prominent feature on his face. He wondered when the last time he had seen himself was but could not recall. He stared at the reflection and did not recognize the man staring back at him so he started to talk to him like a lost friend that he had not seen since the early stages of childhood.

Jacob caught up with the black coffee version of himself, handling both sides of the conversation in slightly different voices discussing his life story since they had last parted. How he met his future wife early in high school and how they could not stand each other initially, went to college on a football scholarship but fell in love with the English department and academia as a whole, how his girlfriend became his fiancé when he proposed to her while on vacation in upper Vermont, how they were married on a sandy beach in Hawaii hours before a hurricane came and the island was evacuated. He told his reflection about his three children - two boys and a girl - and how they had grown up, how he had finally got tenure at his alma mater, how his wife had succumbed to the cancer that had plagued her for the last few years of her life...he stopped at this part of the conversation and stared once again at the coffee and past his reflection. The coffee rippled from a tear that had been welling up in his left eye before slowly falling down his cheek into the coffee. Jacob stood up with the cup in his hand and emptied it out in the sink.

He rested his hands along the linoleum countertops and peered out the kitchen window, watching the breeze make the small birch tree branches sway and dance gracefully. He thought to call his children and see how they were doing but remembered that it was still too early in the morning in their part of the country. The sun was now shining in the backyard and if he looked hard enough he could see birds landing in his grass to eat worms and insects before flying back off to where they came or to where they were going. Jacob wished silently that he could be a bird and just fly away.

"There's no sense in all this dwelling," he heard a voice say from out of nowhere. For a moment he stood very still and felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up before he realized the voice was his own. He did not know he had spoken but knew that it had been said and tho he did not quite feel it, he knew it too be true as well. Jacob let a heavy sigh leave his body and felt a change come over him that started in his outer limbs before spreading inward. He felt a renewal of energy cling to his life.

Jacob went back upstairs to the bathroom and once again studied his face in the mirror. His beard was salt and pepper and he decided it looked rather good on him but needed a trim. He removed the beard trimmer from one of the cabinets and put on a number three guard, trimmed the hair, then replaced the guard with a number two and trimmed again. He looked at the beard and admired the length, color, and thickness and decided that it was how he wanted it.

Next he looked at his hair and tho he needed a haircut he decided to just brush it back and to the side holding the unruly pieces back with a small amount of pomade.

Jacob's grey eyes began to lighten to a sky blue.

He walked to his room and found the cleanest clothes he could find: a pair of blue jeans, fitted black tshirt, and a dark blue button down blazer. He addressed himself in the mirror hanging on the door after dressing and thought to himself that he looked quite respectable and felt very much like a gentleman.

Jacob looked at the photo of his wife on the dresser and smiled at the memories that he cherished deeply of her and his hand drifted towards it and his fingers gently traced the outline of her cheek. He smiled again when he felt the tear roll down his cheek and he knew that he was okay and that everything was okay. It was the most alive he had felt in months.

Another cigarette slowly withers to ashes grasped between the bruised knuckles of my index and ******* just as another burning yellow sun begins to cascade down into the deep blue and pink horizon on another day built solely to bring everyone closer to death.

I take a long drag off the cigarette before taking an equally long sip from a tumbler of whiskey. When I pick up the glass there's a ring of sweat left on the table that reminds me of an eclipse I once saw in my younger years. This was a pointless memory that was soon replaced by the burn from the bright amber spirit.

I savor the taste in my mouth, how it mixes with the blend 27 smoke. I swirl it around and feel the way that it lingers on the tip of my tongue and the way it coats my gums with its warmth. It does nothing to dull the pain that has been building inside but I continue to drink, pouring more in the tumbler until the bottle is empty; never feeling any effects.

I've become numb to the world.

I take another cigarette out of the golden brown and white box, bring it to my lips and light it with a rusted zippo that I found lying on the side of some no-name road a few years back when I was hauling illegal chemicals across state lines. I inhale, letting the acrid smoke fill my mouth before settling deep in my lungs, and exhale the excess. A thick veil of smoke clouds up in front of me and for a moment I cannot see the letter I've nailed into the wall and for that smallest of moments I forget about my troubles, my growing pain, and feel the overwhelming joy of contentment. It is fleeting. The smoke parts, fading into the corners of the room; leaving me staring once again at the note.

My eyes scan the letter and settle on the words "...one month to live." The postmark on the envelope read September 25th. It was now almost Halloween. My chest ached and I felt it cave in under the news that I had read over a dozen times already. Each time felt like a new time, that it couldn't actually be happening. But it was.

It is happening I remind myself.

The pain in my head shot to a burning brightness and I squinted my eyes as if to shield myself from some external force though I knew it to be a useless gesture. The tumor had appeared quickly and spread even faster.

About two months ago I was rewiring outlets for a building that the previous contractor had butchered. It was a simple job and I did it mindlessly, going about the work as usual until there was a searing pain shooting thru my head and I collapsed. When I awoke I was in a hospital with nurses and a doctor standing over me. They were blurry outlines of human forms and their voices were muffled. I slipped back into sleep.

When I woke up again there was only one doctor and he was staring down at a medical chart. My medical chart. He noticed my eyes open and asked questions. I did my best to answer. He told me about the tumor that had spread across my brain, that it was inoperable and the outlook was not good. He said this with all the years of professionalism a doctor can utter. A few hours later I was released.

I stared at the empty bottle of whiskey. I stared at the empty pack of cigarettes. I stared at the letter nailed on the wall. I stared at nothing.

When I stood up a wave of nausea coursed its way thru my body and I caught myself on the kitchen banister before collapsing. I slowly regained my balance and walked over to one of the kitchen drawers. I slid it out and rummaged thru it until I found the smith and Wesson .45 and took it out. I sorted thru another drawer until I found the bullets for it and took them out. I went back to the chair I was sitting in and loaded the gun methodically. I took the barrel of the gun and rested it on the right temple of my head.

I stared at the empty bottle of whiskey. I stared at the empty pack of cigarettes. I stared at the letter nailed on the wall. I stared at nothing.

And then I pulled the trigger.

"You been writing anything lately man?"

"Just IOUs for the government, lawyers, and people who used to call me their friends."

"Sounds rough," Berkley remarked.

Harvard did not respond back. Instead he stared past Berkley's red tipped spiked hair to the girl behind him, watching the small movements she made while dancing to the band onstage. Harvard felt hypnotized by the shake of her hips and the way her quick dye black hair swayed to the left and to the right every time one of her feet left the ground as if she were walking in place.

"...all I'm saying is that someone should do something..."

Berkley was talking. Harvard couldn't focus. He heard his voice somewhere on the peripheral of reality but could not zero in on it. His eyes remained transfixed on the dancer.

"...it's all about helping. You feel drawn to it, ****** in almost to the rush you get from..."

Clips of Berkley's voice echoed in Harvard's ears. Sound bites of a conversation he knew he was part of but couldn't join in on.

The band on stage rocketed thru their set list with the lead singer strutting around in a sequined jacket, doing his best **** Jagger impression but looking more along the lines of a **** head coming down off a high. He played out every rock n roll cliche on stage and the audience cheered him on. Egged him on. The power of rock stardom working the room.

"Thank you Come-Blow-Us Ohio! See you in the morning when we're sneaking out of your house!"

The girl quit dancing and Harvard rolled his eyes back into reality. The past fifteen minutes came flooding into his conscience and he heard entire conversations, **** rock playing, cigarettes burning, beer spilling. It all played in his mind like a slow motion film set to fast forward.

"...I've been doing some soul searching and what I've found is that I lack soul," Harvard heard his voice answering Berkley. He still stared past his friend at the girl who now sat down at one of the tables, the heat of the night stained her shirt and hung closely to the contours of her structure. She smiled at something someone at the table said and Harvard wished silently that he had said something to make her smile like that but felt his feet become anvils rooted to the hardwood floor beneath him when he tried to shift his weight closer to her.

"...There's something about a soul that begs for a creative outlet, if its not being fulfilled it enters into a state of stasis until it withers into the heart of a cynic."

"So I should be creative and my soul will flourish?"

"At the very least you'll have something to bargain with when you meet the devil."

"I've met the devil, good dude, gets a bad rap."

The next band finished setting up on stage and Harvard watched out of the corner of his eye as the girl stood up and sauntered over to the dance floor and began once again writhing in rhythm to the music on the stage. He tried not to stare but again found himself transfixed on her dance and he once again heard the real world shut out and echo around him.

"...hey man, where'd you go?" Berkley snapped his fingers in front of Harvard's face forcing him out of his trance.

"Oh hey...sorry...I...um..." Harvard couldn't forge any words and waiting for his mind to come back to him. "Sorry I don't know what happened, I just kinda zoned out I guess; say anything important?"

"Nothing out of the ordinary. I solved the dilemma of world peace and everything but its cool no one really wants that."

"Yeah, you're right. Hey I need another beer, you want one?"

"Yeah, get me something hipster."

"PBR coming right up."

Harvard could hear Berkley laugh as he walked towards the bar, paid for the beers, and turned around, walking directly into the girl. He managed not to spill any beer on her and hoped that his tongue would not spill any inappropriate words as well.

"Hi, for me?" She laughed. She laughed harder when Harvard handed her one. She took it and brought it to her lips. He could see a smile hidden behind the clear plastic cup.

"I'm Harvard," he introduced himself.

"I'm Mallory but you can call me Yale. Everyone does.. My parents called me that but never told me why." She blushed at the way the words spilled out of her mouth to a complete stranger.

Harvard smiled and once again found his mind working in slow motion before he blurted out that it was nice to meet her.

"You too..." She hesitated, "I should get back to my friends..." Yale felt that sentence leave her mouth for an eternity and wished that she had not said it. She quickly added, "thank you for the beer, maybe I'll see you again?"

"Maybe," was all Harvard could muster. He felt his legs become rubber and as much as he did not want her to leave he wished she would do so quickly before he collapsed into a pile of beer and clothes.

He watched her slink away back to her group of friends as the world sped up around him. He sipped his beer and gained the strength to walk back to where Berkley stood.

"Hey man, where's mine?"

"Oh...uh...yeah sorry I forgot. Here I'll go back and get it."

"Nah it's alright. I need to go anyway, I have to be up in a few hours..."

Harvard and Berkley shook hands and said their goodbyes. Harvard stayed back and watched the headliner come on stage and start playing. He looked at Yale and smiled as she began dancing again but this time every few beats she would look back at him and a big smile would spread across her face. She did this too many times to count and Harvard suddenly found himself standing closer and closer to her, not sure if he had moved or if she had. He looked around and he was not in the same spot nor was she with her friends.

Yale turned around, happy to see the man she met at the bar behind her. She couldn't explain it but felt as if she were drawn to him and that the closer she was to him the slower the world around them moved. "Hi again," she said.

"Hi back," Harvard fumbled for words again before pulling Yale closer to him and staring at her for what felt like an eternity. She began dancing, slowly at first, pressing herself closer and closer against him.

Yale draped her arms around the shoulders and neck of Harvard and pulled herself closer, grinding herself as close as she could to him. She felt the music around her but danced to a different rhythm, one that only she and Harvard seemed to be hearing.

The world around them stopped moving but they did not notice. They danced together until after the music had stopped playing and the band got off stage. The lights came on and the bouncers and bartender announced last call.

"I think I've been waiting for you," Yale whispered.

"Sorry it's been a long wait, I got held up." Harvard tried to be smooth but failed.

Yale laughed and pulled Harvard closer. "Next time, don't keep me waiting."

She kissed him deep as her friends pulled her away and out of the bar. Their fingers holding on to each other until they could no longer.

Harvard stood in the room and stared blankly at the door. A bouncer nudged him and he started walking towards the door and outside. He got to the curb and sat down, trying to collect his thoughts and let his drunk wear off.

A car screeched to a halt somewhere across the street from him but Harvard barely noticed until the shadow of someone stood over him. He looked up to see Yale. She stared intently at him and handed him a piece of paper.

"I mean it. Next time don't keep me waiting." She said sternly with affection before turning around and getting back in the car with her friends.

Harvard unfolded the paper and looked it. It was her number. He folded it back up and put it in his pocket and started walking, vowing to himself to never let her have the agony of waiting again.

Forests of snow covered evergreens and chimney smoke
From wooden cabins; we wake to ice on our windows
Crisp fog in our hearts;
Curl up next to me
Light the fire and let it burn bright
You can stay the night if you wish
I'll be here in the morning, I swear I won't go if you say to stay
There's pancakes on the stove
And hot coffee percolating, just waiting to be kissed by your lips
Can you feel the chill in the empty rooms?
Maybe we should keep them company
Even if for a moment longer
Even if it means nothing at all..
Let's not waste this hunger
Learn to celebrate
Learn to hold hands so close
Share our breath as the cold moves in...
We've got places to be, people to meet
But we can pretend
Play songs with our imagination
There's another life far from here
We can avoid, we're not meant to keep taking up space
When the cold moves in
I know what you're thinking
I wish I were thinking it too
Does your body shiver next to mine
I'll hold you tight in my arms
Please hold me back and don't let me stray
I'm a wanderer but my feet are weary and my bones creak with age
Hold me tight all night
And I swear I'll stay if you ask me to
Winter's closing in, the leaves have fallen and littered the ground
Hibernation is the key for these dead months
We'll never leave the bed
Cocoon ourselves instead
The sun will rise, the sun will fall
I'll have you; you'll have me
Thru it all
Wrapped up in
A bear skin rug

You're the kind of girl I want to grow old with
Sitting on the front porch drinking sweet tea
Playing a song on the guitar
I wrote for you and me

You're the kind of girl I want to count the lines in your smile
Every beautiful crack that's aged with time
Knowing I put half of them there
And you put even more on mine

You're the kind of girl I want to dig into the earth with
Planting seeds and watching them blossom
I can hear you're small laugh
When mine don't grow as well as yours
I'll take you into my arms and kiss that laugh into a smile

You're the kind of girl I want to go on every adventure with
Travel the world by sea, by plane,
In a Winnebago stuffed with all our things
It will never be where we end up that matters
It will be you by my side with a smile in your eyes

You're the kind of girl I hope to grow old with
Lay down together one night after a good home cooked meal and a few drinks
You in my arms and me in yours
Smiles in our hearts
I'll give you one last kiss on your lips,
Another on the top of your head
We'll close our eyes and drift off into the morning of another life...