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Sep 2014 · 729
To A House So Quiet
Brandon Sep 2014
Where have you been?
You left the lights on
I searched high and low
For a note saying where you've gone
But your bags were packed
And there were tire tracks
In the driveway
From where you couldn't wait
To get away

Well I came home today
To a house so quiet
I thought I lost my way
Turned around and checked the address
Found myself in quite a mess
When I came home today
To a house so quiet

Some say its my fault
Others still say its yours
I don't know and I don't care
Couldn't we just agree
Home is where the heart is
But your head is resting elsewhere
And soon your heart will follow

Well I came home today
To a house so quiet
I thought I lost my way
Turned around and checked the address
Found myself a ******* mess
When I came home today
To a house so quiet

I packed away memories
And sold all the misfortunes
Put everything else out to the curb
Let someone else try their luck
Im walking away from a life
Built for two but billed for one

Well I came home today
To a house so quiet
I thought I lost my way
Turned around and checked the address
Found myself in some kind of mess
When I came home today
To a house so quiet

Well I came home today
To a house so quiet and empty
I looked around and saw all the memories
Buried like a tomb in every room
Well I came home today
To a house so quiet and empty
I closed the door with a heavy sigh
Locked it and went my own way
Sep 2014 · 265
Inside
Brandon Sep 2014
I've been stuck
Inside again
Hard to find
Myself
When I'm lost
In these four walls
I can't touch
But I scratch
The surface
Of who I've been
And who I'll become
Someday
I'll wear it thin
Tear it apart
Let myself in-
Side of the out
Sep 2014 · 1.3k
Constant Speed
Brandon Sep 2014
Pluck the leaves off autumn trees
Float them down the river
Watch the currents carry their dance
Fall a few steps out of time
Feel the cool air shiver
You'll never have another chance

Oh if you live this life
At a constant speed
You'll miss all the sights
You were intended to see

Run your toes thru the morning dew
Whistle a tune with the morning birds
Chase the taste of sunshine on your skin
Get lost in yourself and become you again

Oh if you live this life
At a constant speed
You'll miss all the sights
You were intended to see

Fill your lungs with bonfire breeze
Realize you have all you need
A few cold brews
And friends to keep you company

Oh if you live this life
At a constant speed
You'll miss all the sights
You were intended to see

Sing along with the wolves
Howling at the moon
It will all be gone all too soon
Stare into the night
You're never far from a star
As long as you are
Who you are

Time is a construct of our mind
But too fast it passes us by
It seems we're only born to die
Laying memories on graves
We weren't ready to say goodbye

So don't live this life
At a constant speed
You'll miss all the sights
You were made to see

Oh if you live this life
At a constant speed
You'll miss all the sights
You were intended to see
Brandon Sep 2014
Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

All the words you write
All the words you say
All the meanings you intend
All the thoughts you can't comprehend

Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

Congratulations on fooling the masses once again

Yadda yadda yadda
Radda Radda Radda

You've bored me thru and thru
With every thing you do

Yadda yadda yadda
Radda Radda Radda

Oh just *******
Won't you
Aug 2014 · 211
Untitled
Brandon Aug 2014
The greatest love story ever known
Has yet to be told
Because you and I
Have not yet met
Brandon Aug 2014
There's an emptiness inside of me
That I've been doing my best to avoid

Words used to fill the hollow spot
As deeply as the humans I once knew
But slowly they all slipped out
And left a bottomless well
That burns like rotgut whiskey and ulcers

There's an emptiness inside of me
That I choose to ignore

I take my mind off of it with small adventures,
Afternoon beers,
Late night cocktails,
Early morning ****** Mary's
And whatever semblance of interaction I can procure.

There's an emptiness inside of me
That I've been trying to ignore

But it has grown vicious teeth
And jagged talons
It tears me apart from the inside out
But you'll never see it on my face
Or hear it in my voice

There's an emptiness inside of me
That I've done what I can to ignore

But the emptiness inside of me is mine
And I'll walk with it to Death's door.
I haven't been around.
Aug 2014 · 1.0k
MisUnderstood
Brandon Aug 2014
People get to me
I'd like to remove the *to
Jul 2014 · 1.6k
The World's Too Full Of Them
Brandon Jul 2014
Waste-of-skin misogynists
Eagerly-angry feminists
Trust-fund kids
Disposable friends
Reusable partners
Confused 20-something's
Mid-life crisis lifers
Got-it-all-figured-out liars
Early comers and late arrivals*
The world's too full of them
Jul 2014 · 430
Crysacking Diatribe
Brandon Jul 2014
You'll never know
Just how close
I've come

To leaving it all

        Friends
        Loves
        Dreams
        Hopes
        ­Successes
        Failures
        Life
        Death


Behind


­






*[i still haven't made up my mind]
Jul 2014 · 938
Swing.
Brandon Jul 2014
She sits in a swing beneath a tree all alone drinking her wine out of the bottle like she's been a pro at it her whole life time.

She thinks to herself my happy moments are getting farther and fewer in between and I don't know how much lower I can go but she takes another long drink from the wine to see just how far she can sink into the world and disappear.

The swing swings slowly and the branch pretends to bend beneath her ghostly weight.

Her feet kick up off the ground, she's looking for momentum, trying to swing her way to the skies.

She sees in kaleidoscope and her fingers tighten around the bottle's neck, she needs comfort and something real to hold onto as she soars higher and higher.

Her hair flows behind her in tangled waves of slow motion and hectic abandon.

Her feet kick and pull and kick, higher and higher she goes.

The branch pretends to bend beneath her ghostly weight and the swing swings tightly as the rope's taught against the pull of her push.

She's in the air drinking away the remnants of memories she doesn't want to remember.

She tosses her emptiness away on the backswing and gives her legs one last strong kick and the swing sends her higher.

She jumps free into the void around her, feeling the rush of air and a small moment of absolute freedom.

The branch remembers her ghostly weight as the swing settles to a slow rock and then stops.

She's in the sky and her body lies motionless accompanied by an empty bottle of wine.
Jul 2014 · 524
I Don't Care
Brandon Jul 2014
I took a week off of writing. I told myself it was because I was pulling odd hours at work and only sleeping for three hours here and there whenever I was free to do so. I told myself this. All week long I told myself this, knowing that every time the thought crossed my mind that it was a lie. I repeated this lie over and over to the point that I almost was lucky enough to believe it.

But at the end, I couldn't maintain the lie. I was stuck. I did not run out of words and I did not run out of ideas. They were scrambled up in my head begging to be plucked and put in order. I ignored their pleas. I ignored everything. It's a special talent of mine.

The truth that I came to realize was that I had ran out of the ability to care. I didn't care to write. I didn't care about the swarm of nouns, verbs, adjectives, and other elementary school english crap buzzing about in my head; thru my veins. I didn't care if they ever came out or faded into some obscene death. I didn't care any longer if my words continued to be ignored. I didn't care if the couple of people that read them missed them. I didn't care if it showed five days, ten weeks, fifteen years between the last thing I wrote to the most recent.

I didn't care.

I still don't care.

But try to keep a writer from writing and his heart will no longer care to keep beating.

I'm not sure if I even care about that.

*But I'm writing.
Jul 2014 · 301
Untitled
Brandon Jul 2014
We all want love.
Some of us think we're unworthy.
Some of us think we are more than worthy.
All of us ache and hunger deep down for it.
Some mystical feeling that artists,
drunkards have been trying to describe
since the dawn of first thought.
We chase after it.
We give into it.
We fight it.
We're crushed by it.
Love.
It's a *****.
And we all die a little.
Searching for it.
Jul 2014 · 507
Rapture
Brandon Jul 2014
Untangle my insides
Blessed to touch the skies
I think I'll break you
I'm told
If its in the clear
I fold myself into you

Don't taste
The rapture
You're too sweet
To understand

Lets take back
What we've conquered
Never to set foot
In heaven
Let's take back
And bless the heathens

Don't taste
The rapture
You're too sweet
To understand

How it wraps around you
Envelopes you
How it wraps around you
Envies you

Unweave my nerves
I'm a thousand miles
Of desert
I sell for a price
If you bid high
Lets take back
And touch the skies

Don't take to
The rapture
You're too sweet
To understand
Jul 2014 · 691
Trench
Brandon Jul 2014
I was there
Wind blowing thru my hair
Feet buried in the sand
Sea water washed ashore
I could taste the night before
Fireworks, spirits, and you
They burned my lips
Like they stained my memories
I watched the sunset
And the fire flicker and die
As the sun rose over the horizon
I held a seashell close to my ear
Heard a tsunami calling your name
The waves came in and receded
The tide swirled and swirled
Circling the shore
I was there
*When the world split apart
Jul 2014 · 996
She
Brandon Jul 2014
She
She had been planning it for almost a year. Her skin had felt ***** ever since she felt his touch. She screamed no between tears and pleas for help but no one came and no one stopped him.  She went to the police and anyone she could think that could help her after it happened but she was told it was her fault. That she had been asking for it. That she secretly wanted it and enjoyed it and only got help afterwards out of some guilty conscience on her part. That she was drunk and wearing clothing that revealed too much skin. That it was her fault. Her fault. Her fault. Those words echoed daily in her head, tormenting her insides until she no longer recognized the woman she saw in the mirror every morning.

He was free. Out in the world doing as he pleased. Smiling. Partying. Working. Free.

She remembered carefully peeling off her clothes and putting them in a trash bag that night. She got in the shower and lay in a fetus position, drowning her tears and sobs with the water pouring out of the shower head. It was the last time she cried.

For the first few months she went around to the local haunts she knew she had seen him at before but did not run into him or talk to anyone that knew where he was. She did not know what her intentions were but she knew that she had to find him. To confront him. To resolve the way she felt inside. She was about to give up when one day she saw him walk into the gas station as she was filling up the tank in her car. Her body froze. Her mind raced. She topped off the tank, hung up the pump, and jumped into her car. She idled her engine and watched thru her car's windshield the man buying some beer, cigarettes, a bag of chips; laughing at something the cashier said. He looked the same as he did when she met him but his hair was a little longer and he was clean shaven. She remembered feeling the goatee he wore that night as it roughed against her face as he held her down. She cringed. Her face tightened into a grimace.

She put the car in drive and followed him as he walked out of the station and got into his truck. She maintained a couple car lengths behind him, even allowing other cars to get between her and him but she never lost sight of him. She followed him down the highway, thru neighborhoods, sat outside as he stopped off at three different women's houses; picking each woman up and kissing them as they answered the door and pushed it closed behind him. She followed him home and say outside his house even after he had shut off all the lights.

She did this for months. She watched. She followed. She waited. She learned his schedule and she studied his mannerisms and his movements and the way he carried himself differently around every person he came across. She felt herself coming to know him and know his next move before he made it. She made a plan up in her head.

-----------------------------------

He couldn't complain about a second of his life. His father was wealthy and he grew up privileged, having the best that money could buy, including paying off anybody anytime he came into trouble with any form of authority. He knew he was good looking and knew how to work his charm to get what he wanted from whomever he wanted. He didn't care about anyone but himself tho he told many women that he cared only for them. He always laughed hysterically inside every time he told this lie and they fell for it. His pleasures came first, that was how he lived and he saw no end to it.

He had been ******* his best friends wife when he was at work, telling her that he was a **** and didn't treat her right and that he was getting *** on the side. He wasn't. He knew this. But convinced her otherwise. But he was getting bored with her and felt like moving on. After he was done with his session; as he called them; he told her that her ***** was loose and tired and that he was done ******* a filthy **** like hers. He threatened to tell her husband everything and make her come off as some ***** if she said anything. Claimed that he was just a man taken advantage by a ****. She cried and screamed and threw plates at him and told him to leave and told him to ******* as she collapsed into a mess on the kitchen floor. He smiled and laughed as he walked out of the house, nearly skipping joyfully to his pick-up.

He slid into the drivers seat and pulled out a cigarette from the pack he kept in the glovebox. He lit it and inhaled. He looked into the rear view mirror and saw a pair of icy blue eyes that he had the vague recollection of knowing staring at him. It was the last thing he saw before everything went black.

-----------------------------------

She hid in the rear cab of the truck and waited for him to see her before hitting him in the head with a hammer. Not hard enough to **** him but hard enough to make him blackout. She climbed into the front seat and pushed him aside and drove to an empty storage unit she had purchased under a false name. She parked the truck and dragged his body out of it and into the shed. She clumsily picked him up and propped him to a chair sitting in the center of the unit. She taped him to the chair with duct tape. First taping his hands together behind the backrest, then around his chest until the roll ran out and she grabbed another and taped both his legs to the front legs of the chair. She placed a piece on his face around his mouth, wishing to herself that he still had his goatee so she could rip it off when she removed the tape.

She splashed water on him to wake him up. His eyes burst open in fear and he struggled and mumbled but could not break free. In front of him she had sat a camera up. It focused on him. It was recording.

She stood in the shadows behind the camera with only her face exposed. She could feel him burning his stare into her and searching his memories for her face. She knew he found it when his eyes widened and tears began to form at the corners. He mumbled something thru the tape. She pulled down a black ski-mask over her face and walked into the cameras frame. She peeled away the tape.

He sobbed he was sorry. That he never meant to do it and that he felt bad about it everyday. He told her he had money and would give it all to her if she'd let him go. He begged. He pleaded. She knelt down and looked him in the eyes and whispered in his ear to confess to the camera and she would let him go. He started to scream. She smacked him hard across the face and put another piece of tape across his mouth.

He rocked about in his chair trying to set himself free but soon realized that he could not free himself. He cried some more and looked at the woman who once again stood behind the camera. He stared at her and into her and finally resigned himself to what she asked for. He nodded his head and she walked out from behind the camera and stripped away the tape.

He confessed to ****** her and six other women. He confessed to touching his niece who was only ten years old inappropriately and denying it to her parents when they confronted him, saying she had an active imagination and they should get her help. He admitted to paying off judges and cops and eyewitnesses anytime he found himself in trouble.

He admitted to many things that made her skin crawl. All she wanted was a confession of his assault against her but he kept going on, rambling thru tears and pleas and more tears. Finally he was quiet. She asked if that was all. He stared at her with glossy eyes and shook his head yes. She looked closely at the man in front of her, disgusted to depths she did not know existed. She walked towards him and replaced the tape on his face. He again attempted to struggle to no avail. She walked out of the storage shed and to his pick-up and grabbed the five gallon bucket of gasoline he kept in the back of the bed. She walked back into the shed and closed the door again.

His eyes widened in terror. She confessed to him that she was going to let him go after he admitted what he did but after hearing everything she had decided that she could not. That it made her sick to think about him walking the streets or even rotting in prison. She couldn't trust any system that kept letting him and people like him off. She poured the gasoline on him, even removing the tape and forcing him to swallow some so that it sat heavy in his stomach. She replace the tape for the last time and looked at him. Looked into him. She felt fear leaving her body. She felt pain leaving her body. She felt an overwhelming sense of peace wash over her and she smiled and laughed for what felt like the first time in her life.

She walked out of the camera frame and turned around. He sat in the middle of the room, tape to a chair and covered in gasoline. The camera was recording. She lit a single match and then a book of matches and threw them towards him. She watched as the flames engulfed him slowly at first and he squirmed in his chair and the flames worked their way up his body quicker and quicker and she could hear his muffled screams and see him struggling but still securely bound to the chair. Everything aflame. The camera still recording.

She pressed stop a few moments after she saw his head fall forward and his body stopped moving. She watched the flames a few more moments eat away at the man that ate away at her. She took the video out of the recorder and put it in a plastic case and sat it outside of the storage shed. She closed the door and walked off into the distance, smiling and enjoying her life and the fresh air.
I was hesitant to post this. A friend convinced me to.
Jul 2014 · 437
I Soak The World In
Brandon Jul 2014
Birds tweet summer songs to each other
Wind carries these songs along the waves of the world
Humans interrupt nature with unnatural sounds
Somewhere bears are pawing at berries and scooping them into their mouth
They're also catching salmon riding upriver to spawn
These are dangerous areas to fish but excellent fishing grounds
The wind howls
I listen to hear if it howls for Mary
Maybe it whistles a cat-call for her instead
The sun shines down
I hoard every ray in every pore of my skin
I soak the world in
Brandon Jul 2014
"I’m taking a sabbatical from writing today to honor the sabbath."

"But you’re not religious." She quipped back.

"I found God over night. He came to me in a pitcher of margaritas." I explained.

"You didn’t find God. You found a hangover. Now go and write."

"No, I found God in my drunkenness. The hangover is the work of Satan. He’s a mighty cunning *******."

"Quit making excuses. Go write. You’ve a deadline to meet."

"But God…" I had no response. I knew I needed to write. **** the blurred vision and the permatrails and the vice squeezing my head, words needed chosen and laid out and edited. Words I didn’t want to write but words that I had little choice not to.

"Ffffffuuuuuucccckkkkk." I whined and instantly hated myself for it.

"Look, we’ve been down this road before. Go make yourself a couple ****** Mary’s, sit out in the sun, and work on the next book. It’s easy."

"Easy? Fine you write it. I’ll be the agent."

"You’d **** as an agent, it involves talking to people."

"Yeah, ok. *******. Just make sure that when I do the rounds for this book you put me up in some hotels with a good bar."

"Yeah yeah yeah, I know you get paid in bourbon."

I laughed. She laughed. I hung up the phone, made some ****** Mary’s, went outside, sat under the sun and sweated out last nights drinks and God and Satan while adding to the days intake, and worked on the next chapter.
Jul 2014 · 273
In This House
Brandon Jul 2014
In this house
Spiders are sleeping
Cats are sleeping
Dogs are sleeping
Humans are sleeping
My mind is hungry
Jul 2014 · 569
The Brink
Brandon Jul 2014
I stood on the brink of the cliff.
                          And by brink I mean the complete edge.
I could go forward
                         or I could go back.

If I stood here long enough
              maybe the edge would crack.
I'd plummet.
                Or I'd quickly grasp
                 and grab anything
around me to keep from plummeting.

I was on the brink
                                and my mind could not be made up.
                    It made me uncomfortable to think about it.

Do I jump forward?
                                   End it all.
                                   Skydive.
                                   Have a nice fall.
Watch my life like a movie
before I go splat.

Do I step back?
                    Go back to my menial life.
                    A job I can't stand.
                    A wife who gets more
***** than I do.
                    Children who call me
by my first name
                             instead of dad
                             or daddy
                             or father
or any other devotional nonsensical name.
           Taxes,
           mortgages,
           bills,
           *******.

Do I step forward
                               or do I step back?

A large part of me
              keeps imagining and praying
for the edge to crack.

I've always been obsessively indecisive,
I'd always rather leave my life
            up to some mystical force of fate
than make a decision.

Forward or backward?
                                       The brink.
                      The end either way.

It's time you made an actual decision
                   for the first time in your life

                                 I thought to myself.

I placed my foot
                             past the brink.
Jul 2014 · 525
Boom. Bang. Fizzle.
Brandon Jul 2014
Fireworks go off.
Boom. Bang.  Fizzle.

I'm inside reading a book.
Some drunk writer rambling about work.
I hear the oohs and the ahhs of civility outside these four walls
and I look at the bottle of scotch nearest me and grab it.
It goes down and warms my stomach.
I stand up,
walk to the window,
move the curtains out of the way,
and watch outside.
I see people
and their families
standing on front porches,
chaired up in their driveways,
some ***** standing in the streets.
All have their gazes pointed to the sky.
I look.
I wait.

Boom.
Bang.

Fizzle.

Blasts of color and noise
then the dark grey smoke
staining the night sky.
I take another drink from the bottle.
I sit down.
Close my eyes.
I see fireworks
exploding in the sky.
Jul 2014 · 269
Browsing
Brandon Jul 2014
There's
           so
     much
                       *****
        in
    my
                 mouth
right
     now.
Jul 2014 · 339
I Can't Help But Wonder
Brandon Jul 2014
I can't help but wonder
That if I should have the icon
Of a gorgeous woman,
A feminim pseudonym,
A blurb of how I am a soul searching poet
And one hell of a *** goddess;
How many followers would I gain?
How quickly?
Would I lose them just as quickly
When I don't follow back?
Would I get
More men?
More women?
(Am I the only one
That finds this site
Is populated by too many children?)
A social experiment
I'd love to try
If only I cared
About insignificant likes
Jul 2014 · 469
The Kill
Brandon Jul 2014
Marcus wiped the sweat from the long strands of greying hair on his brows, laid down on the ground behind a thin covering of overgrown bush, and leveled the Winchester's stock against the potmarked cheek of his face and firmly planted the **** of the rifle into his shoulder. He squinted his left eye closed and focused his right thru the mounted telescope until the crosshairs and his target became clear. He eased the index finger on his right hand against the trigger and carefully began to squeeze until he heard the satisfying bang of the rifle and felt the kick in his shoulder. He watched in slow motion as the bullet left the barrel of his Winchester, spinning in its rotation, burrow into the thick left chest muscle of the animal he had been tracking for the past four days and rip out with a geyser of blood on the right shoulder. The animal staggered in a stupefied daze for a few feet before collapsing where it stood and resigning itself to its inevitable death.

Marcus stood up and dusted the dirt off of his tweed hunters jacket and cotton canvas pants and slung his Winchester over his shoulder and began to descend the slight hill that he had shot from. He felt a breeze pick up from the west and knew that a storm was on its way and that he had only a short time left to collect his trophy. Marcus began a slow jog towards the downed animal when the terrain leveled out and noted how quickly the breeze had picked up in its coolness when it touched the exposed skin of his face. It was going to be a heavy storm. He ran a little faster, his riffle swinging and bumping across his back as he quickened with every step until he started to feel a burn in his side. He slowed down enough to a comfortable cadence and continued on towards the beast.

Rain started to fall from the low ominous looking clouds. Slowly at first so that Marcus could barely feel any trickle of wetness hit him until it suddenly became a downpour and he had to seek refuge beneath the low hanging branches of a pine tree. He dried his face off with a handkerchief and watched the rain berate the ground from between the pine needles.

He kept watch on his prey and the weather and after thirty minutes of continuing rain decided that he could and should make his way to the wounded animal and left the safety of the tree just as a bolt of lightning shot down from the sky and stuck the top of the pine, lighting it aflame and sending a loud crack thru the air around Marcus. For a few moments he forgot to breathe until his basic instincts kicked in and his brain screamed at his lungs to inhale.

Marcus stalked carefully towards the animal, following a blood trail that had been left when he had shot the animal in the leg a few moments before his wounding shop. He came upon the animal attempting to hide in patches of overgrown grass and, removing his riffle from his shoulder, parted the grass with the barrel of his gun until he was looking into the scared blue eyes of his ****. His blonde hair was matted with drying blood and his body smeared with dirt and fresh blood. Marcus looked at him and let a derisive laugh escape his mouth as he watched the mans lips twitch and heard the gurgles in his throat as he attempted speech.

"P-p-plea-se don---'t k-illlllll m-eh," the blonde man finally managed to spit out between splurts of blood and death rattles.

Marcus unsheathed his Bowie knife and knelt down beside the man and cradled his head in his arms.

"Hush. Hush. It will all be over soon. You've been a good hunt. You've evaded me longer than anyone else ever has. I commend you for that. I appreciate your sacrifice. But it was inevitable that I should **** you. You know this don't you? There was no escaping. Surely you knew this?" He looked at the mans face and saw a resigned hatred in his blue eyes. Marcus was taken aback for a moment but quickly gathered himself back together. "Now, now. Don't be like that. You gave it your best. You really did. It's just...that I'm better."

Marcus took his knife and put it against his ****'s throat and quickly plunged and slid the blade across his neck. He listened closely and relished the sounds of the mans life leaving his body.

Marcus sat there smiling, holding his trophy closely; as the rain continued to fall.
This is part of a thirty day writing challenge issued by a friend.
Jul 2014 · 494
Untitled
Brandon Jul 2014
My beard needs trimmed

I savor the beer
Lingering on the blonde and black hairs of my mustache

If I trimmed it
I might be sober

My whiskey breath
Gets trapped by all the hair
I inhale
Drunk on the smell and memories

If I trimmed it
I might be sober
Jul 2014 · 302
I Will Die
Brandon Jul 2014
I will die
Before my time is over
I will die
Before your touch touches me
I will die
Before you know the truth
I will die
Before I know freedom
I will die
Before this drink is drunk
I will die
Before this cigarette extinguishes
I will die
Before I finish this poe...
Jul 2014 · 808
Worth
Brandon Jul 2014
Wake up

beep beep beep

The alarm is going off

beep beep beep

The alarm is always going off

beep beep beep

Stretch your legs until they hit the armrest on the couch

beep beep beep

Why am I sleeping on the couch

beep beep beep

The girl you paid for is upstairs

beep beep beep

Tangled in your bedsheets and snoring loudly

beep beep beep

You couldn't sleep

beep beep beep

My mind is working slow

beep beep beep

Shut that ******* alarm off

beep bee------

It's a struggle to sit up straight
Even more to get off of the couch
I try once,
Twice...
On the third time I use the couch's springs to launch myself to standing position

I almost fall back down when the tequila from the night before
Reaches my head and gives me the spins
I steady myself by finishing off a warm beer bottle sitting on the table
And add it to the piles of empty

My head clears
I think it clears
I'm not sure what clear feels like much anymore
I shake my head clear of these thoughts

Stumble towards the stairs
And step on a used ******
It follows me up the stairs like a piece of snake skin clinging to my foot

Thirteen steps feels like climbing Everest
I sit down on the seventh and wonder if its worth it
It's not
Nothing ever is
But I crawl up the remaining stairs and stand ***** in the hallway

I open the door to my bedroom
Her snores echo in the mostly empty room and she's mumbling someone's name

I block it all out and leave a couple fifties on the dresser
Close the bedroom door and walk to the bathroom

I drop my boxers on the floor;
Knocking loose the ******;
Scratch my ***** and **** out the nights alcohol

I'm feeling dehydrated now

The shower is on now
I step inside and let the water wash down on me
In these short moments I feel alive and awake

I try to hold onto this feeling but it always fades

The water is getting colder
I can feel my spine tense up under it

****, I don't want to
I never do

I shut the water off and towel dry poorly
Beads of water still dripping from my naked body as I walk around the house

I open the door to my room
There's a pile of work uniforms sitting in the corner
I'm not sure if they're ***** or clean
But I don't much care either way

The girl stirs
Coming awake long enough to ask me to **** her again
I tell her I can't but if...
I let the sentence trail off as her snores start again

I stare at her as I pull my pants on and throw on a button up shirt
She's beautiful in a damaged way
Her life is etched in the lines and faults of her body and she needs to eat
I tell myself tonight I'll buy her dinner before we **** ourselves to death

My **** lingers to life for a minute at that thought
But I'm running late and have no time to see it through

I kiss her softly on her forehead
I haven't done that to someone in a long time and it feels foreign to me
I shrug the feeling off and head outside to my car

I turn the key and the engine cranks but doesn't start
I turn the key again expecting different results and not getting them

*****

I take out the flask in my glove box and take a long drink of the single malt scotch inside it
I feel my insides burning with life as it works its way into my stomach
I crank the key again and the engine sputters to life

I get out of the car, remove the wheel chalks, and jump back in as the car slowly rolls backwards out of the driveway

I throw the gears into drive and head towards work
Getting stopped by every red light along the way
I sip away at the flask at every stop
And by the time I get to work it's empty
I immediately dread the sober drive home in twelve hours

I pull in through the gate at work and idle my car into the first parking spot I can find
About half a mile from the front door

The guards are standing around talking sports
One is an ex-cop
He sees me and grabs the wand to scan me

He spots a book in my lunchbox
Says, "
oh you're one of those readers; I never had the patience for that ****."
"
Yeah me neither. It's toilet paper."
He chuckles, I roll my eyes
And go out into the factory to punch in

I wait until it's a minute past my start time and punch my time card in
I sneak away from the morning meeting and go to the bathroom
Smoking cigarettes for the next hour until the cleaning crew comes in and kicks me out

I work my shift by hiding away from the cameras and other people as much as possible

I punch out for lunch and go to a gas station down the street and buy a six pack
It's a three pack by the time I clock back in

I finish my day off by wandering the rafters above everyone's head
They never look up
I watch them
Study them
Stare down exposed cleavage

Joe comes up the ladder and interrupts my voyeurism
"
this where you been hiding?"
"
mostly"
"
one of those days?"
"
aren't they all."
"
yeah. listen, I'm going to the bar after work. you drinking?"
"
when am I not?"
"
true. so I'll see you there?"
"
probably."

I lied.
Joe has a certain way of weaseling out of paying his tab and I'd rather not be the ***** today

A half hour left until my shift is over
I sneak off to the bathroom again and smoke a couple cigarettes before I punch my time card and leave

I hit every red light on the way home
My three pack is gone by the time I hit the last red light

I pull into my driveway just as the girl is waking up and about to leave
She smiles at me and makes small talk
I ask her if she is hungry
Her smile widens
"
yes*" she says

We go out to eat at some roadside diner down the street, stop in the bar for a few beers and comradery,
Pick up some wine and a bottle of *** on the way home

And **** and drink until sunrise

I call off work

And we **** for both our money's worth.
Jul 2014 · 459
Night Club
Brandon Jul 2014
The music is loud
Booming bass and throbbing drops
Dance beats for the college kids
I feel like an old man standing here against the wall
Watching the young men dance fools of themselves
And their plastic women who all move as if they are void of individualness
The beer in my hand is frosty and ice cold due to its aluminum bottling
But it is not improving the distance that I feel between me and everyone at this night club
The party I'm with escapes the dance floor to the roof's terrace
Bouncers that look like your typical fresh faced jocks complete with acne scars
Inform us that it's plastic cups only up top
We pour our beers into plastic cups
They instantly begin to warm
The view is pretty
If you like looking at a city
Unworthy of its history
The air is cool and clean
Blowing across my skin
As my hearing struggles to ignore
The dance music blaring
And my eyes are assaulted by more frat-boy tribal dancing
I can't tell if the fresh air is improving my buzz
Or making me feel worse
My beer is empty
Everyone else still has full cups
I don't understand the mathematics
I go down to the bar
And buy another one
I don't open a tab
I've found those can be dangerous when I'm in this mood
Or any mood
I sneak the aluminum bottle upstairs with me
Enjoy the frosty coldness of my beer for the 5 minutes it takes me to drink it
Everyone is still on their first cup
But there's a beer run coming
It's quitting time
Mothers need to get home
Workers need to get sleep
I need quiet
There's beer left that no one wants to drink
I'm the garbage disposal
We say our good byes
Exchanging hellos and farewells in single conversation
We leave our separate ways
Wishing everyone a safe drive home
It's silent now
What I wouldn't do to hear some booming bass and throbbing drops
To drown out this silence
Jul 2014 · 276
Untitled
Brandon Jul 2014
A year ago today
The life I lived fell apart

Somedays...

I am still picking up
Jagged razor edged
Puzzle pieces
And putting them together
With pieces that don't fit

Somedays...

I forget about the puzzle
And go outside and play.
Jun 2014 · 404
Acrid
Brandon Jun 2014
I will torture you
You will torture me
We will call it love
The death of us
Jun 2014 · 711
Bill Drinks
Brandon Jun 2014
"They're ******. All of them." Bill said. Pounding his right fist on the bar top before sloppily grabbing his tumbler of whiskey, spilling small but significant amounts onto the wooden top, and bringing it to his lips and gulping it down in one swallow.

"More." He shouted at the old man behind the bar who begrudgingly obliged and poured another four fingers width into the glass.

Bill pulled another fifty out of the pocket of his ***** white button-up and slid it onto the bar top where it rested momentarily in the droplets of whiskey before the bartender picked it up and placed it in the register next to the other four fifty dollar bills that the man had already spent. Though the drinks were only twenty a piece Bill made no move for change so the bartender ignored his growing belligerence and continued to pour.

"They can't all be ******."
The man sitting next to Bill piped in.

"Yes they can." Bill ranted back. "Every last ******* one of them. They speak in lies and loose words. Turn everything around so they're the victim. **** em. ******. All of em." Bill downed his drinks but before he could shout for another the bartender was already pouring a drink for him.

Bill laid down another fifty and drank some from the tumbler.

"Maybe it's the ones you meet." Bill's neighboring barmate pitched in again attempting to offer some wisdom.

"I've met them all. I've worked with them all. I've ****** and been ****** by them all. They all want an Apple but ignore the tree the Apple grew from. Always in some sort of silly competition." Bill answered back.

He finished off his drink but asked the bartender for a soda water instead of another whiskey. The bartender filled another tumbler up from the spray nozzle and put it in front of Bill and said no charge.

Bill laid a fifty on the counter. "From all the ******" he said.

He stood up barely able to stand until he balanced himself by using the stool and once he gathered himself he walked towards the back of the room where the restrooms were.

Bill stumbled in and rested himself at the sink taking a look at the reflection in the mirror. His wire-rimmed glasses were smudged and hung slanted on his lean dorky face and his short cropped hair was a mess. It had been a few days since he last shaved and the admiration of a five o'clock shadow had began to make an appearance on his cheeks and upper lip. The suit he had been wearing looked like it had been through a war itself, all tattered and torn and crusted with stains.

He removed his glasses and attempted to clean them in the sink before drying them off with the untucked tail of his shirt. He put them on. It wasn't much better. Next he straightened out his hair the best he could, struggling to keep his much despised cowlick in place.

He unzipped his pants and pulled his **** out and went about relieving himself in the sink all the while staring at himself in the mirror. When he was done he shook twice before putting it away and zipping back up.

Bill went to wash his hands but looked at the sink and realized it had been clogged and now laid full of his *****. He chuckled and shrugged his shoulders and walked out of the bathroom.

His soda water was still on the counter and he started to drink it as the bar's front door opened allowing fresh sunlight to assault it's way in. A tall model-beautiful girl stood in the doorway wearing a suit that showed as much skin as possible. She scanned the room until her eyes laid at the disheveled Bill at the bar.

"Mr Gates" she announced, "the car is ready if you'd like to leave sir."

Bill ordered a whiskey with soda and left another fifty on the bar. His barmate said he understood now why Bill had said they're all ****** after seeing how the woman at the door was dressed. He was laughing as if he had made some grand joke.

Bill stood up off of his stool, knocked back his whiskey and soda, straightened his glasses once more, and threw a strong right hook towards the other man, sending him flying off of his bar stool and on to the hardwood floor. He laid sprawled out, conscious but not moving.

Bill shook his fist. It had been a long time since he had hit anyway.

He walked over to the downed man and told him to never disrespect a woman again.

"But you called them all ******." He replied.

"No you little ignorant man, I was calling everyone in the world of business a *****. There is no loyalty and the only thing that matters is profit."

Bill helped the man back up off the floor and back onto his stool. He laid out a hundred dollar bill on the counter and told the bartender that whatever the man wanted to make sure he got it. Mr Gates straightened himself up again and walked towards the door and after looking around the dingy barroom one last time walked out into the sunlight where a limo was awaiting him.
Jun 2014 · 304
Cave In
Brandon Jun 2014
You touch
Deep spots

Hiding
With claws

Too much

Enough

I've known
Desire
Before
Your mouth

Fingers
Caress

Your lips
Linger

Broken

Beating

Uneven


Alone
Jun 2014 · 317
Afraid
Brandon Jun 2014
I was always afraid to be without you

And when it happened...



I found out

That there was nothing to be afraid of.
Found this scribbled in one of my notebooks. Felt like it should be posted somewhere.
Jun 2014 · 435
Caged
Brandon Jun 2014
We are all caged

To desires,
                   to jobs,
                               to people,
                   to places and things,
        To the question of whether or not we are living
        To the question of whether or not we are ready to die
                                 There's gaps in the bars where we can see outside

But there is no true escape

Roads are tubes to other parts of the same cage
Forests are nice decorations where we throw all night parties and destroy
The ocean flows and sways
Polluted by a billion people rattling the cage

                  There is no escape

We are all caged
Jun 2014 · 507
For Sale (To Set Sail)
Brandon Jun 2014
Selling my life for cheap
Gonna buy a boat & sail the seven seas
You can have all my responsibilities,
This life is no longer for me
Jun 2014 · 753
Untitled
Brandon Jun 2014
This cigarette burns slowly
I watch the ashes fall to the ground
Nursing a martini as if I'm in a NASCAR race
The sound of summer explodes
Jun 2014 · 606
Catherine
Brandon Jun 2014
Catherine stood over the bar counter and pored herself a glass of absinthe. She placed the special spoon over the top of the glass and put a sugar cube over it and proceeded to pore slowly the water over the the sugar and into the glass of real Pernod. She watched as the drink turned its green tinted color and she could feel her insides hunger for the wormwood drink.

She loved the preparation of such a cocktail and if she were truthful it is one of the reasons that it was her go to drink. Another equally important reason it was her drink was because it awakened the creativity in her and inspired her work. Catherine was working on her fifth novel and had come to an impasse and could not write her way around nor through her dilemma and she sought hell from the Green Fairy for a little inspiration.

She took the drink to her lips and savored the anise flavored liquor as it rolled across her tongue. She closed her eyes and held on to the affects of it, seeing the edges of her vision go an opaquely luminescent green. She walked over to her desk and dipped her quill into the jar of squid ink and began to write on the parchment, letting the absinthe take her writing on the journey it needed to finish the story.
Jun 2014 · 294
I'm Tired
Brandon Jun 2014
<>



























<>
This blank page represents more emotion and more meaning than any collection of words could ever intend or hope to capture.
Brandon Jun 2014
I wanted to say so many things to her but couldn't.
The words would stick in my throat and I would choke on them.
I'd struggle to set them free but only my own insecurities and ignorances would manage to escape,
filling the air between us with a vile lexicon that made the simple act of communication null.
I wanted to tell her that her intelligence gave me a taste of the universe,
that her beauty was the ache that every ancient poem was written about.
I wanted to tell her that she was flawless
and when she would argue I would say there are no such things as flaws,
only traits that others can't appreciate.
I wanted her to know that someone out in the world saw her for her
even when she felt no one could.
I wanted to say so many things to her
but couldn't,
the words were stuck in my throat.
Jun 2014 · 253
Souls
Brandon Jun 2014
And I wonder how is it that I've
Seen your face...
Felt your touch...
Tasted your skin...
Inhaled your scent...
Heard your laughter...
Without ever knowing you before
Jun 2014 · 1.2k
Traffic
Brandon Jun 2014
Hey* hey *hey hey

Who do you love?
A slave to the ****?

Sell or be sold
Do as you're told


Young and slender
Stolen from the cradle
Just what they pay to crave
A slave to an early grave

Sell or be sold
Do as you're told


Drugged up resistance
Throwing fists
Futility in existence  

Hey hey hey hey

Who do you love?
A slave to the ****?

The price of new flesh climbs
As every ****** dies
Chained to the whims
Of bureaucratic sadism

Sell or be sold
Do as you're told


Hey hey hey hey

Who do you love?
A slave to the ****?

Put out
Your use is worn out
Human trafficking. I hate humanity.
Brandon Jun 2014
Too late to die young
I've lived past my chance
Old age is waiting for me
Unless I find a way out
And die halfway through
Before the credits roll
Jun 2014 · 322
A Few Too Many You Think
Brandon Jun 2014
I make a drink.
A few too many you think.
I put a record on.

Let it spin.
Let it play.
Let it sink in.

I fall apart.

I take a drink.
A few too many you think.
I let the record play.
Jun 2014 · 401
:::::::::::::::::::::::::
Brandon Jun 2014
It's quiet here.





It's always quiet here.


There's a background noise
I can't associate
Drones and fluorescent hums
Low registers caught in the dust

Silence

Voices
But I'm not listening

Or I can't hear

Is there a difference anymore?

Something said
Or maybe I'm imagining it
No ones here

I've checked.

Echoes of long ago
Echo thru the frames
Pictures, walls, doorways
Creaking
A story settling in its foundation


Bury it.

Burn it.




It's quiet here.
I think I heard myself breathing.

I wasn't.

I checked.
Jun 2014 · 288
We Dance.
Brandon Jun 2014
We dance to some old French song
Whispering words like we knew their meaning

I hold you close and our bodies find syncopation

You grasp my shoulder blades like a life you can't live without

My hand starts at the small of your back but slowly slides down
To grab your *** and squeeze it tight

You smile and giggle the smallest giggle I've ever heard
The kind that makes a man instantly fall in love

We dance to the scratches on the record
Coming closer and closer until even the lack of space between us
Has become too much of a distance

I feel your skin against mine
Cool and burning at the same time

The music becomes some ****** melody
A haunting rhythm we can't fight

Our bodies entwine
Limbs grasping
Lips locking
Pelvics grinding
I claw at your soft skin
And you tear back into mine

I want you
You want me

We dance ravenously
Ravishing clothing and flesh
Pulling harder and harder into one another

The record ends

The needle plays a dull cadence of empty space

But still we dance

Your skin against mine
And mine in you

We dance

We dance

We dance
Jun 2014 · 458
Breathe<Choke
Brandon Jun 2014
Shed your skin
You've got another
Lie you've been caught
Living in

Breathe deep
And hold your
Breath

Choke on the words
Still lingering
In your throat


Withdrawal
From the tremors
Quivering in your
Insides

Piece together
The whispers
We utter with
Solemn virtues

{I've waited too long
For this
I've waited too long
For this}

Breathe deep
And hold your
Breath

Choke on the words
Still lingering
In your throat


{A riot
A sacrifice
A crooked life}

Breathe deep
And hold your
Breath

*Choke on the words
Still lingering
On your lips
Brandon May 2014
I want to be a **** up
Hooked on every drug
Drunk every night
A wasted life
******* anyone
Willing to make me ***

I want to be a leader
Of the unhealthy
Lifestyle

There's a ****
To my madness
Needle in my vein
Powdered nose
Think I'm going insane?

I want to be a leader
Of the unhealthy
Lifestyle

One night stands
Behind garbage bins
**** faced drunk
Passed out
****** on
Pool of *****
Pass the rotgut
I need another shot

I want to be a leader
Of the unhealthy
Lifestyle

"No one ever said I want to be a ****** when I grow up"

Well I did
I do...

*Sleep it off in the gutter
You *******
May 2014 · 280
You're
Brandon May 2014
...

       Not
            h
            e

         o
         n
         l
lonely
  n    
  e
May 2014 · 331
We Were Young
Brandon May 2014
We were young
Driving endlessly
On tanks of gas
We couldn't afford
Hopelessly in love
With the radio
And the open road
Singing our songs
At the top of our lungs

We were young
Buzzed on bud
Buzzed on love

We were young
With the sun in our eyes
The ocean to our side
Nothing to do but drive
Surfing the radio stations
Looking for songs to sing
Out of sync but we didn't mind

We were young
Buzzed on Bud
Buzzed on love

We put miles on that car
We put miles on our hearts
We killed so much time
We thought we'd never have any left
When we were young
We never saw an end to any of it
Resist the urge to sing that annoying fun. song while reading this.
May 2014 · 248
Into You
Brandon May 2014
Pull me out
Into you
Lace the heavens
With you
The best place to be
Riding the skies
Where was it
You went
When we got so high
The clouds became
Closer to the ground
We gave in
To lift up
Pull me out
Into you
There's stars
With your name
They call out
We were free
It was
A good night
To watch from above
It was
A good night
To sink into below
It was
A good night
To sink into you
May 2014 · 196
Chillwave
Brandon May 2014
Lets take a swim
                          in the ocean

          Chill amongst the
                    waves

Let the tides                   carry us
We can get     swept     away

    Pulled into the
                                  deep
We will find our    
                                  sleep

             Down
                        Down
                                   Down


   We will                drown
Until we reach
                          the depth
  
             Of the ocean's mysteries
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