Mirror bound, this shadow and I
For once my desire sees eye to eye
Distracting sharp edges and rough play
Searching for that biting darkness I used to crave
On wicked things my heart takes a tumble
Head over heels for salt worn stubble
I just can't shake this ache for fire, for flame
When I taste that razor edge and only get blame
Deep down inside I still feel your grit
Wave after wave, pounding away at it
What I would not give for your finger tips
Drinking full, drinking deep from regretful lips
Plunder. Pillage. Take it all.
If only to leave me panting and raw

I caught your scent at the grocery near the cereal isle
Which is funny, you never liked milk much
The telltale whistle you used to find me lost in a store
Echoed through my memory
My heart sang, then sunk
As I realized you've been gone for 8 years
Happy almost birthday anyway
You would be turning 39, still young and with so much left to live
Time, slippery and cruel, rushes past me
I guess I will always be looking for you
My heart softly whistling into the shadows

why don't
you want
to hang out with me
she says
jokingly
knowing she wouldn't want
to hang out
with herself

There is softness here
Lullabies and water lily lies
Half moon curved on trembling lips
Do I even want to know?
I sigh into the shadows were you used to reside
I almost cannot bare the weight of your echo
Solace in moonshine and borrowed time
Until the sun breaks over the mountains edge
Not to be complacent but how else should I handle this?
Wagon wheels turn with gravel sung rumble
Swinging water lily lies and a goodbye kiss

Front porch Tennessee shine drunk
I may be seated but my heart is dancing through silver edges along these smoky hills
Moon reflecting off half jar reflections
Mind is eased by midnight soft lights
Somewhere in here I hear your voice a calling
Long stretches of silence marked by whispers laid low
Now I know I could be just tipsy but tears ***** sharp regardless
Memories of deep summer far off and away
Take my hand now as I blubber about days I said goodbye to
Hair once dark and glossy now in long braids is gray
Them stills is all I have now, my copper and me
Soon I will lay too in these hills of Tennessee

I have been given such little time here
Seems to me that in that space a hand of sorrow dealt
Widowed at twenty seven
A once purring friend who was nineteen years mine
Now ashes next to those of Jeremiah
Tears fall down swollen cheeks weary of the weeping
More reasons for choosing not to propagate compile
Old newspapers with new headlines I cannot help but read
My bed is less now, my pillow too big
I am still asking questions about the why and how
Where this leaves me- partly in the past and the hollow now
Two urns I carry with me while I wander through the crowd
Two urns I carry with me unto my final hour

A strangle hold of memory
Deep roots in rich soil have traveled time and distance
To make fallow fields fruitful once more
An outline of your smile waxes fully in my vision
Weathered fingertips brush gently the dusted edges of dried petals
I can still smell you here among the shadows of winter
Of all the seasons to leave me breathless the cold shell of February
Lends a poetic air to your loss
I'll keep writing of my sorrow, my tenderness
For you will always have a place in my garden
Even if I let it grow wild with weeds and whispers

I found you permeating my wedding bouquet
Dried scents of longing and what could have been
Are never as bittersweet initially as they are when revisited
Intake breath so deep I can feel red blood cells gorging themselves on the bounty
Tiny dust motes dance along late afternoon sunlight
As comforting shafts sneak through closed curtains
Heart beat slows as though to stretch the moment
Minutes pass, then time seemed to fall away
Breathing you in
Saturating late August with wish-you-were-here whispers
Freed quietly from salted lips as the day dims

I had the weighted ghost of a palm once pressed
Now a phantom limb tingles
After reading letters you wrote while sick and prone against stark white
Heavy heart yearns to have you linger
Gentle is the softest whisper of your echoing "goodbye"
Tears slip to fall and form
Mirrored pools at my constant running feet
Each salted soldier fighting to remain
Still