Heart racing
Feet pacing
Is this really happening?
This is scaring me
I don't know how to feel
I feel ill
Can it be true?
Could the person I've been looking for really be you?

I've never felt this way
Its weird to say
Is this fate
Knocking on my gate
Is what I feel real?

The more we talk the more I feel like this is destiny for you and me

Came into this world blue and screaming
You stole my heart with your first breath
Heart full of gold
Pure and innocent
Caring for others is your strong suit don't ever stop
You are stronger then you know
You have a way of knowing when someone needs a hug
I love you as wide as outspace as deep as the craters in the moon and as pure as an angel
You are my Clayton Bradley you are my heart

My brains on fire
Burning with my hearts desire
Body aching
Legs shaking
Yours for the taking
Pure passion is all I'm asking
Caress my skin
Kiss me all over
Nibble the nape of my neck
Plant kisses down my back
Kiss my thighs
While looking into my eyes
Make me squirm
Make me moan
Kiss inbetween until I groan
Meet my fire
With your desire
Take me to utmost heights if you must
Show more pure lust
As you ******
Lock the door
Till I can't handle any more
Help me clench my burning fire of pure desire

Pain clawing at my brain trying to make me insane I try to refrain the constant mind drain and try to contain the animal within trying to break free and destroy me all my anguish is in vein but I try to remain selfless not to be confused with helpless
Constantly tired emotionally drained while my pain is clawing at my brain

P.      I.    Y.     B.     M.    Y.     I
A.    N.   O.     R.     A.    O.     N
I.            U.     A.     K.    U.     S
N.           R.     I.      E.            A
                       N.     S.            N
                                               E

The world is upside down guys that just want *** act like they want a relationship until they get what they want then they are gone

But yet the guys that want relationship ask just for *** and then ask for a relationship

Its so backwards it confuses me how do you tell if someone wants to be with you or if they just want ***? ??

Can I get a guys perspective on this because I can't figure it out

Tracing your fingers over my skin kissing the nape of my neck holding me tightly as you gently put it in carressing every faset of my body moving together in the same rythym and motion kissing my neck my heart filled with emotion i cant hide this notion i try to hide how i feel inside when you kiss me like this i want to scream i want to shout i love you i just bite my tounge

Where is the work ethic?
Wheres the workers that are energetic?
Why is the world lazy?
Its all hazzy
Wheres the hard workers?
Now there's only hookers
They just want free money
That's not how the world works honey

I can't replace your face
I can't erase this place
I love you with all my heart
Even though we are apart

I will never see your face again
Was our friendship in vain?
Or could you not handle the pain?
I wish I had known
I wish your pain was shown
You never did dope
But now you chose the rope
What went wrong?
We've been friends long
I never knew
That your life went askew
Now you're gone
Left me here to carry on

Your memories soaked in tears
Im sorry I couldn't fight away your fears

Im sorry I wasn't there
Im sorry I didn't hear
Im sorry I couldn't lead you my ear
Im sorry you felt you had to take you're life just to end your strife

Ill miss you my friend
I never thought it would end

Ice forming
Wind blowing
Wolfs howling
Is spring coming?
I can't wait for ice melting
Rednecks grilling
Kids yelling
There's no telling
When spring is coming

I want to be alone in isolation
But then I live with frustration
I don't want love
But I want to feel loved
I don't want relationships
But I want someone to share my hardships
I don't want the pain
I want to feel sane
I want to be held
I didn't like it when they yelled
I have a huge heart
That got ripped apart
I had to build a wall
Because of it all
To protect what remains
Its hard to remove these stains
Even though I tell myself no
My heart still tells me to go
I don't want to be broken and alone I want someone of my very own someone to share my life even the strife grow old cuddle when its cold

I
    still
         want
      it
all

                 But
                      I
                        Don't
                           Want
                        To
               Fall

Why do I still miss you so?
Why can't I let you go?
I never wanted you to leave
Why am I so naive ?
You can't choose me
Or our three
You need time to think?
You mean time to drink
I know you too well
My eyes start to swell
I know why
That's why I cry
You say you
love us
Need us
Want us
If that were true
I would have you

So full of hope and innocence at four years old.
Always a good girl did as I was told.
"Come here sis lets play a secret game"
All I felt was shame.
Told "its our little secret mom and dad can't know"
Trying to hide my tears not letting them show.

Withdrawn 6 year old doesn't speak her mind prefers to be alone and read.
Sisters boyfriend "come here I know a fun game but don't tell your sister its our little secret "
Screaming NO in my head but no words come out. I comply to his wishes and pray for it to be over soon.

Sexually confused 8 year old practicing what she learned with friends. The little secret continues.
friends brother caught us and joined in but he wasn't kind.
"If either of you say anything about this I will **** you both"
Having to hide the bruises from my parents was difficult but successful.

****** abuse became the norm for the 14 year old who started letting boys play with her so they would like her but they always left her behind.

By age 16 she wondered why they only wanted *** and why noone wanted to be with her .
She started to wonder if it was something that was wrong with her. She tried harder to make people like her .
But she found out they only wanted ***. So she started using them instead .

By age 18 she was so sexually active that people called her easy and a **** and that's when she realized she didn't even enjoy ***. So she gave it up for new years resolution

At age 19 6 months without *** met someone we talked for hours.
Instantly became friends and then at the 11 month mark I broke my no *** rule.

20 and pregnant scared not knowing what to do everyone telling me to marry him cuz its the right thing to do so my child is not a *******.
So I convinced myself I loved him which I did have love for him but he hadn't earned my love yet

21 alone with a daughter with no clue where her husband is decided to go to college.
Husband shows up on daughters birthday when he hadn't been there all year and decides to ****** me unfortunately it worked and I was pregnant with child number 2.

22 on bedrest complications with pregnancy husband nowhere to be found. I had to pause school.
Got better went back to school.
Gave birth to a beautiful little boy. 6 weeks later my husband welcomes another son.
I filed for divorce.

23 graduated from college.
Got divorced .
Found hand mark on son my daughter said other mommy did it.
I filed a report and then left the state so they couldn't hurt my children.

24 started work as massage therapist. Loved every second of it.
Stopped for a hitchhiker on way home, we talked the whole way it felt like our souls connected.
He stayed and we started dating ,
Everything was going great he even got a job. But then I got pregnant and he showed his true self an alcoholic. I told him he couldn't stay if he didn't give up drinking so he left .

25 pregnant ready to pop trying to get ahold of the father. Finally his sister convinced him to be apart of the birth.
He came back waited on me hand and foot for 3 weeks till our son was born. Then when our son was born convinced me to take him back.
The rest of the year was good and bad he went to jail twice and it was cuz he was drinking behind my back

26 a decision on my door step in form of Cps making me choose him or my kids.
I chose my children.
But sadly it didn't stop there he repeatedly tried to convince me to take him back .
It wasn't easy to stand my ground but I said its either the alcohol or us he said us but chose the alcohol.

27 a friend asked me to house their friend I said I would.
He slowly weaseled his way into my pants and then said we were dating, I stayed silent.
After awhile he showed his true self angry lazy gamer that picks fights over not getting his way.
Kicked him out but both him and my sons father harassing me.

Ex husband wanted joint custody and wanted the children to live with him for the year I said "not without me there"
So me and 3 children moved in with ex.
He was acting like he was trying to be a good father but unfortunately what I didn't know was that he was abusing my children while I was at work and made my children repeat his lies.
I was taken by surprise when Cps contacted me telling me what was going on.
Before I knew what was happening they took my babies.

28 years old
Just got new job new house and doing everything they asked me to do. Listening to the caseworker.
Asked caseworker what I had to do to get my kids back she replied "you must admit you failed as a parent"
Caseworker refusing to place my children with family because foster parents want to adopt.
My children constantly telling me that they don't like the foster parents crying and throwing fits when it was time to leave also taking off saying "Please mommy don't make me go back!!!"

Foster parents wanted me to use their parenting style and use their rules.
One rule was "no touching"
Foster parents upset at me for playing with my kids. I fake wrestle with them and they use me as jungle gym.

Took my visits away because my daughter tried running away to my house.

29
Working long hours saving every penny.
Rarely getting to see kids.
Wrote letters to every state officials that I could find no one would help me.

Caseworker lied to me every time I talked to her.
After complaining 6 months she was finally removed but she got to keep her job and testified against me saying that I had it out for her and that I worked against her which isn't true she had it out for me and constantly lied to me and my family.

30 present
Parental rights terminated

Crying on my sons 5th birthday because I couldn't wish him happy birthday.

Been at war with myself
Since the beginning
Who I am
Verses what others want me to be
Searched for answers in all the wrong places
With all the wrong people
When the answer has been inside all along
Am I weird and strange
yes I am
But instead of trying to hide it to make others happy
The answer is to embrace myself flaws and all
If I love myself I will not fall
I give it my all
I care too much
I give too much
I do too much
But that's who I am
I am comfortable in my own skin
If I consider you kin
Then you win
A lifetime of me caring about you
But don't tell me who I can be
I will always be me
I talk too much
But only because
I've been through too much
I will not conform
I won't wear your uniform
I am me
I am at peace with me

Listen to music that lifts your heart and speaks to your soul music makes you feel whole even when you're broken some songs make you cry your eyes out other songs lift your spirit and make you feel like you can make it
Some songs are meant to listen to when you're ******* or when you're depressed
When I need inspiration I listen to cher
When I am angry I listen to three days grace
When I need to cry I listen to sad country songs
Music is an outlet for your soul

Born purple you stole my heart
As you grow I love you more and more each day
You're headstrong with a strong will and a huge heart eyes full of wisdom
My hope is that noone takes that from you
Stay true to yourself always
I love you deeper than the grand canyon as wide as the ocean and as many stars in the sky
My memmorie joye you are my heart.

I don't know you but you're a part of me
I may not know all your stories but you're spirit guides me.
You've shown me your pain
You've shown me your death
I long to become one with you
I long to know everything you know
Every time I meditate I feel close to you
I long for the day I become one with Anna Bella my past life.
You were burned alive for being a witch
But I know you were just misunderstood
You were a healer and peaceful in nature
I want to know what you knew.

Born red and fast asleep
You took my breathe away the first time you opened those bright blue eyes
Full of life and knowledge for someone so small
Your perception is through the roof you're laughter is music to my ears
Heart full of wonder
You surprise me everyday
I love you bigger than a t-Rex
Faster than a comet
Deeper than the ocean
Wider than a thousand smiles
You are my warren Walter my little WWW

Want to see you
Want to hold you
Want to kiss you
Want to see this through
Never want to loose you
I will get you back
That's a fact

Can't be controlled
Can't be tamed
If locked in an cage
it will escape
and it will attack
The one that locked it up
Need to be free
To be myself
Love myself
Free myself from these chains
Each link created by others
I need to spread my wings and fly
Sore though the clouds were I belong
Be one with myself
No one can tell me how to be me but me.
I am a free spirit

Met by chance on a highway
Instant friends
Liked you right away
Confused
Conflicting emotions
Hard to look away
Your eyes are like magnets
Our souls connected
But you went away
Didn't know what to say
Wish I could have
convinced you to stay
What I have
Who I am
I would have shared
What's meant to be
Isn't certain
The future
Isn't written
If your travels
Bring you back
To me
Imagine how happy
I would be
If you don't
Want to come my way
Then I will
Just live another day

Even though they say that I can't see you three they can't keep us apart forever
Destiny will bring us back together again

My heart breaks my body aches
My mind searches for answers
My arms long to hold you three again some day I love you and I will see you again

I wonder....            
Where you are
If you're wishing on a star

I wonder....    
Where you're going
If you're still in Wyoming

I wonder. ..  
What you're doing
If you're still drinking
If you're thinking

I wonder. ...  
Why you roam
When you had a home

I ponder....
How you could leave without say goodbye
You made us cry

I ponder.....
Why you chose the road
Leaving us behind like a heavy load

I ponder......
Why you choose to be cold
Instead of having me to hold

I still wonder......

Stay inside
Its time to hide
Wash your hands
Don't fill the stands
Avoid people at all cost
Otherwise we are lost

Read a book
Till we're off the hook
Listen to doctors
Not idiots without degrees

We hide to save lives
Forget pride

Hide stay alive

I can't sleep
I can't eat
I can't hold you
I can't wipe away your tears
I can't take your pain away
I can't stand it
I can't see you
But I can still love you till you find me again

Living in isolation
To grasp situation
Repairing what is broken
Since my 3 hearts were stolen.
Not letting the pain
In my brain drive me insane.
Working on my heart
Since my babies are far apart.
Working out to occupy my brain
"No pain no gain"
Retrain my brain

We met at work on lunch break
Our eyes and souls made a connection no one can ever break
You pulled me out of my despair
And helped with the repair
We started as friends our friendship grew into friends with benefits
From there our bond became unbreakable
My love for you is unstoppable
My love for you overflows
You only say I love you on accident but I know you meant your words
I know you wouldn't say it if you didn't feel it even on accident
I can feel your love for me burning inside of you
You deny it even though it's true
I know you're scared and so am I but I know our love is strong
I love you even if you don't say it back