Why do I still miss you so?
Why can't I let you go?
I never wanted you to leave
Why am I so naive ?
You can't choose me
Or our three
You need time to think?
You mean time to drink
I know you too well
My eyes start to swell
I know why
That's why I cry
You say you
love us
Need us
Want us
If that were true
I would have you

People think I am strong
                                They are wrong
But I just soldier on
                               I am just a pawn
My kindness
                              Is my weakness
I love with my all
                      That is my down fall
I try to put up this wall
                         I try to stand tall
But I get knocked down
                     Fear that i will drown
In a pool of tears
                     Created by my fears
I am weak
                   But I don't act meek
I turn the other cheek
               While I continue to seek
The strength within
                                Trying to win
Kindness is my weakness

Want to see you
Want to hold you
Want to kiss you
Want to see this through
Never want to loose you
I will get you back
That's a fact

I can't replace your face
I can't erase this place
I love you with all my heart
Even though we are apart

Ripped from my arms
Deprived of your charms
Upon your foreheads  i cannot kiss
Your faces i will miss
Torn from my heart
My heart ripped apart
Wish to hold you all
Can't be there when you fall

Wish to see
My angels three

Mommy is there in your heart
Even though we may be far apart
Sheer agony
Not being able to be there with you three

Heart racing
Feet pacing
Is this really happening?
This is scaring me
I don't know how to feel
I feel ill
Can it be true?
Could the person I've been looking for really be you?

I've never felt this way
Its weird to say
Is this fate
Knocking on my gate
Is what I feel real?

The more we talk the more I feel like this is destiny for you and me

For My angels

         F.                 N
      T.    O.           I.   M
    R.        R.      R.        Y
  A.            E.  E.       ­     H
P.                 V.                  E
R         Memmorie.       A
  E          Clayton.          R
     V      Warren.        T
       E.                       W
         N.                  E
              L.         W
                  L.  I


    Sent.                            For
             From.      Above
Me.                  To.             Love
A.                                     Gift
   To.                               Lift
     My.                        Heart
      Loved                 From
          The.             Start
               My.        Soul
                     Now
                       W
                        H
                        O
                        L
                        E

/\                                             //
        //\\                                          //
     (¤) (It's)                                   //
() (Breaking)                              //
  ~£ ( loose Nothing left to lose)
       (The animal is breaking out)
     (There)                          (is no)
     (doubt)                         (It wants)
   (to howl)                       (It wants)
   (to roam)                         (The)
(((Animal)                     (((is home)

C.     Escape.      my.     rage .         C
A.             its                                     A
N.                  breaking                   G
'T.    .  Out.         of.        this           E


The
animal
within
is
ready
to
win

Struggling with pain
Corroding the brain
Slowly turning insane
Glaring at the knife
Just wanting to end the strife
No one to be a friend
Just want it to end
Contemplating suicide
Considering how to decide
Flip a coin let it ride

Heads the knife
Tails deal with strife

Heads
wide up dead

Tails
Live to tell the tale

Its odd to say
But life happens this way

Your born you die
In between you cry

Many people contemplate suicide
How do you decide?
To live?
To die?

All the time glaring at the knife
Wanting to end your strife

Fists of rage bursting out of this cage can't restrain the animal much longer everyday it gets stronger. Every time I hear of someone living in fear that death is near I can't escape my rage this animal is strange clawing at my brain its hard to sustain and keep it tame its breaking out there is no doubt
I fear that the animal is here

I will never see your face again
Was our friendship in vain?
Or could you not handle the pain?
I wish I had known
I wish your pain was shown
You never did dope
But now you chose the rope
What went wrong?
We've been friends long
I never knew
That your life went askew
Now you're gone
Left me here to carry on

Your memories soaked in tears
Im sorry I couldn't fight away your fears

Im sorry I wasn't there
Im sorry I didn't hear
Im sorry I couldn't lead you my ear
Im sorry you felt you had to take you're life just to end your strife

Ill miss you my friend
I never thought it would end

I want to be alone in isolation
But then I live with frustration
I don't want love
But I want to feel loved
I don't want relationships
But I want someone to share my hardships
I don't want the pain
I want to feel sane
I want to be held
I didn't like it when they yelled
I have a huge heart
That got ripped apart
I had to build a wall
Because of it all
To protect what remains
Its hard to remove these stains
Even though I tell myself no
My heart still tells me to go
I don't want to be broken and alone I want someone of my very own someone to share my life even the strife grow old cuddle when its cold

I
    still
         want
      it
all

                 But
                      I
                        Don't
                           Want
                        To
               Fall

It seems these dreams have seeped into my head while in bed
I can't shake this feeling that life is the dream instead
I want wake from this nightmare called life as I wipe away my tear and try to over come my fear
This panic is tragic I wish I could live in my dreams like magic away from all the havic
I dream of a place with no pain no strife no longing for a knife no one to call you insane because everyone is tame
These dreams seem real I just want to feel normal but that's not possible

What
                                  if
         life
                                            is
             ­      just
a
                                 dream

Met by chance on a highway
Instant friends
Liked you right away
Confused
Conflicting emotions
Hard to look away
Your eyes are like magnets
Our souls connected
But you went away
Didn't know what to say
Wish I could have
convinced you to stay
What I have
Who I am
I would have shared
What's meant to be
Isn't certain
The future
Isn't written
If your travels
Bring you back
To me
Imagine how happy
I would be
If you don't
Want to come my way
Then I will
Just live another day

P.      I.    Y.     B.     M.    Y.     I
A.    N.   O.     R.     A.    O.     N
I.            U.     A.     K.    U.     S
N.           R.     I.      E.            A
                       N.     S.            N
                                               E

Inside my cage
                            Fists of rage
I may be strange
                            Its hard to change
Been poked
                      Been prodded

That's how it all started

                  Abuse
                          Misuse­
                          
Now I refuse
                        To let you
           take
                     refuge

Inside
           My
                  Cage
                           I
                              Shall
                            ­            Remain
                            Hidden
           ­       Away
         From
All
     The
             pain
                      While
                                ­ My
                                       Rage
                                                Stays

L
O
C
K
E
D

I
N

T
H
I
S

C
A
G
E

I wonder....            
Where you are
If you're wishing on a star

I wonder....    
Where you're going
If you're still in Wyoming

I wonder. ..  
What you're doing
If you're still drinking
If you're thinking

I wonder. ...  
Why you roam
When you had a home

I ponder....
How you could leave without say goodbye
You made us cry

I ponder.....
Why you chose the road
Leaving us behind like a heavy load

I ponder......
Why you choose to be cold
Instead of having me to hold

I still wonder......

Listen to music that lifts your heart and speaks to your soul music makes you feel whole even when you're broken some songs make you cry your eyes out other songs lift your spirit and make you feel like you can make it
Some songs are meant to listen to when you're ******* or when you're depressed
When I need inspiration I listen to cher
When I am angry I listen to three days grace
When I need to cry I listen to sad country songs
Music is an outlet for your soul

Heart
                                           Ice
                                   Cold
                            For
                 years
          My
fears
         Driven
                      by
                           tears
                                    My
                                          brain
                ­               Insane
               thoughts
clouded
              pain
                      surrounded
                                            Living
             ­                                           in
                   ­                         doubt
                                  want
                              to
                      pout
    ­                I
               do
without
               Wash
                          away
                                    my
                         ­                 fears
                                                    With
       ­                                   tears
                            Nobody
                  hears
    Nobody
                  cares
                            Nobody
     ­                                      dares

                                              I
          ­                        Carry
                            On
                    Like
                A
   Drone


...............alone.............

Blue skys
Dry eyes
Sunshine
Fun times
Clouds appear
People fear
Rain to come
Fun is done
Sky opens
Rain pours
People cry
Fear they'll die
Chaos of the unknown
People groan
Winds gust
We don't trust
Hail cascades
Clouds fade
Rain goes away
That's all for today
Colors appear
A rainbow is here
Dry your eyes
Don't you cry
Hope is here
In the darkest of times
There's always hope for tomorrow
After every storm there's a rainbow

You're born
Told who to be
Told What to do
Told what to see
Told how to be you
Told how to feel

Then one day you see what is real
You see the hate
You see the pain
You wonder why this is our fate
You try to remain Sane

One day your up
One day your down
There's tears and a frown
Other days you're a clown
You get angry
Which is scary
Then you break down and cry
Until one day you die

Taught how to live
Taught how to love
Taught how to hate
Told its our fate
Then its too late
Taught its not ok to cry
Noone teaches you how to die
We're told its all about love
I guess its all comes from above

My brains on fire
Burning with my hearts desire
Body aching
Legs shaking
Yours for the taking
Pure passion is all I'm asking
Caress my skin
Kiss me all over
Nibble the nape of my neck
Plant kisses down my back
Kiss my thighs
While looking into my eyes
Make me squirm
Make me moan
Kiss inbetween until I groan
Meet my fire
With your desire
Take me to utmost heights if you must
Show more pure lust
As you ******
Lock the door
Till I can't handle any more
Help me clench my burning fire of pure desire

There's a fire burning inside
That i try to hide
So many times I have lied
But there's no pretending
That a desire is burning
Lust yearning
To be set free
Inside of me
I yearn to be touched
Give anything to be caressed
But that's not enough
I want to be rough
I want to be thrown onto the bed
Or even the floor would work instead
I want to be kissed
I want to be licked
I want to be suckled
I want to be cuddled
Skin on skin
It may be a sin
But I want someone to put it in.

You're the first thought when I wake
About what a pair we make
the last thought when I close my eyes
About how we have no lies

I can't get you out of my brain
Thoughts of you pours in like rain
you've taken over my head
Every time we talk I turn red
I've known you for years
you're still here to wipe away my tears
even though we are far apart
I'm afraid you've stolen my heart even though we were intimate in the past
it was never more than just a blast
it was never meant to last
You've still been my friend
I never want it to end
I had given up on love
you flew into my life like a dove these past few months just talking to you
seems too good to be true
I can't help but miss you
I never saw before
how wonderful you are
like you fell from a star
I wish you weren't so far

I remember when we were teenagers
attacking eachother like tigers

The more I remember our old habits
it reminds me when we bred like rabbits

I dream of the old days
I think about you in many ways
I wake up in a daze
You put me in a craze

If its the last thing I do
I will find a way to be with you

You had my heart
You tore it apart
I gave my all
I catch you when you fall
I gave you kisses
You gave me bruises
I stood by you
I was true
I was in deep
You left when I was asleep
Didn't know how bad it was
Until a knock at the door
It was the Fuzz
I don't want no more
Leave and don't come back
I will wear black
Im in mourning
The death of our love
Has my tears pouring
thought u were sent from above
All lies
Now our love dies
Found out the truth
You lied through your tooth
I now know what is real
Being alone is ideal

I live my life in isolation
I feel the worlds devastation
I keep it all trapped inside
All my pain and anger I hide
You'll never see
the darkest Part of me
You'll see me but you won't see
The true me
I smile at the world
Even though my heart is wounded
My pain is hidden
behind my grin
You'll say its a sin
But I hold up my chin
Noone can hurt me again
There's a hole in my heart
Where everyone ripped me apart
I wouldn't know where to start
To repair a holy heart
So I will hide my pride
And slowly die
My eyes remain dry
Its too late to try
My isolation is my own devastation my soul is beyond recognition
So when you see me smile at you know that it isn't true and there's nothing you can do because there is no glue to fix the hole in my heart that humanity tore apart.

I'm done fighting
I'm done trying
Im done with bruises
Im done with excuses
Im done with lies
Im done drying my eyes
Im done with the pain
Im done with you controlling my brain
Im done having hope
Im done with you and your dope
Im done with your drunken rage
Im done feeling like Im trapped in a cage
Im done with you playing victim
Im done being your victim
Im done being weak
Im done with you making me feel meek
Im done trying to convince you
Im done being abused by you
Im done being stepped on
Im done thinking your the one
Im done trying to get you to talk to your son
Im done giving you chances
Im done with second glances
Im done with you
Im just done noone to blame but you

When I see your face
as we go from place to place
my heart beats faster
my knees get weak
My stomach hurts
I can hardly breath
My heart pounding
My body shaking
Pull me closer
Im yours for the taking
Kiss my lips
Grab my hips
Hold me tightly
Undress me slightly
Heavy breathing
Just what Im needing
You are the fuel to my fire
You are my hearts desire
You are the song in my heart
Even when we are far apart
You make me feel like me
You make me feel free
Maybe its meant to be

Wake up start my day wake up the kids get them ready and on their way get ready for work even though my boss is a **** work all the time just to earn a dime come home make dinner so the kids don't get thinner clean up the house eek is that a mouse? Put kids in pjs and read them a book long days go by in a daze kids are fast asleep I fall on my bed in a heap hopefully without a peep everyday is the same routine some days I want to scream but I love the little things like hearing about my children's dreams I start my day and end my day the same way with my kids saying I love you that's thanks enough for all I do