I don't know you but you're a part of me
I may not know all your stories but you're spirit guides me.
You've shown me your pain
You've shown me your death
I long to become one with you
I long to know everything you know
Every time I meditate I feel close to you
I long for the day I become one with Anna Bella my past life.
You were burned alive for being a witch
But I know you were just misunderstood
You were a healer and peaceful in nature
I want to know what you knew.

Been at war with myself
Since the beginning
Who I am
Verses what others want me to be
Searched for answers in all the wrong places
With all the wrong people
When the answer has been inside all along
Am I weird and strange
yes I am
But instead of trying to hide it to make others happy
The answer is to embrace myself flaws and all
If I love myself I will not fall
I give it my all
I care too much
I give too much
I do too much
But that's who I am
I am comfortable in my own skin
If I consider you kin
Then you win
A lifetime of me caring about you
But don't tell me who I can be
I will always be me
I talk too much
But only because
I've been through too much
I will not conform
I won't wear your uniform
I am me
I am at peace with me

Can't be controlled
Can't be tamed
If locked in an cage
it will escape
and it will attack
The one that locked it up
Need to be free
To be myself
Love myself
Free myself from these chains
Each link created by others
I need to spread my wings and fly
Sore though the clouds were I belong
Be one with myself
No one can tell me how to be me but me.
I am a free spirit

You are caring,
Passionate, intellectual,
You have an intense pure aura
I feel peaceful and calm around you
I feel drawn to you
When I'm near you it's like a connection that I felt from a past life
Like our souls are connected
Like we are meant to always find each other

You are my sunshines
My three sunshines
Without you my sky's are grey
You'll never know my dears how much I miss you
Please my sunshines come back someday
The long nights while I lay sleeping
I dream I hold you in my arms
but when I wake my dears
I was mistaken
so I hang my head and I cry
You are my sunshines
my three sunshines
When you're not with me
My sky's are grey
You never know my dears
How much I LOVE YOU
PLEASE DONT TAKE MY SUNSHINES AWAY

We met at work on lunch break
Our eyes and souls made a connection no one can ever break
You pulled me out of my despair
And helped with the repair
We started as friends our friendship grew into friends with benefits
From there our bond became unbreakable
My love for you is unstoppable
My love for you overflows
You only say I love you on accident but I know you meant your words
I know you wouldn't say it if you didn't feel it even on accident
I can feel your love for me burning inside of you
You deny it even though it's true
I know you're scared and so am I but I know our love is strong
I love you even if you don't say it back

Stay inside
Its time to hide
Wash your hands
Don't fill the stands
Avoid people at all cost
Otherwise we are lost

Read a book
Till we're off the hook
Listen to doctors
Not idiots without degrees

We hide to save lives
Forget pride

Hide stay alive

Living in isolation
To grasp situation
Repairing what is broken
Since my 3 hearts were stolen.
Not letting the pain
In my brain drive me insane.
Working on my heart
Since my babies are far apart.
Working out to occupy my brain
"No pain no gain"
Retrain my brain

So full of hope and innocence at four years old.
Always a good girl did as I was told.
"Come here sis lets play a secret game"
All I felt was shame.
Told "its our little secret mom and dad can't know"
Trying to hide my tears not letting them show.

Withdrawn 6 year old doesn't speak her mind prefers to be alone and read.
Sisters boyfriend "come here I know a fun game but don't tell your sister its our little secret "
Screaming NO in my head but no words come out. I comply to his wishes and pray for it to be over soon.

Sexually confused 8 year old practicing what she learned with friends. The little secret continues.
friends brother caught us and joined in but he wasn't kind.
"If either of you say anything about this I will **** you both"
Having to hide the bruises from my parents was difficult but successful.

****** abuse became the norm for the 14 year old who started letting boys play with her so they would like her but they always left her behind.

By age 16 she wondered why they only wanted *** and why noone wanted to be with her .
She started to wonder if it was something that was wrong with her. She tried harder to make people like her .
But she found out they only wanted ***. So she started using them instead .

By age 18 she was so sexually active that people called her easy and a **** and that's when she realized she didn't even enjoy ***. So she gave it up for new years resolution

At age 19 6 months without *** met someone we talked for hours.
Instantly became friends and then at the 11 month mark I broke my no *** rule.

20 and pregnant scared not knowing what to do everyone telling me to marry him cuz its the right thing to do so my child is not a *******.
So I convinced myself I loved him which I did have love for him but he hadn't earned my love yet

21 alone with a daughter with no clue where her husband is decided to go to college.
Husband shows up on daughters birthday when he hadn't been there all year and decides to ****** me unfortunately it worked and I was pregnant with child number 2.

22 on bedrest complications with pregnancy husband nowhere to be found. I had to pause school.
Got better went back to school.
Gave birth to a beautiful little boy. 6 weeks later my husband welcomes another son.
I filed for divorce.

23 graduated from college.
Got divorced .
Found hand mark on son my daughter said other mommy did it.
I filed a report and then left the state so they couldn't hurt my children.

24 started work as massage therapist. Loved every second of it.
Stopped for a hitchhiker on way home, we talked the whole way it felt like our souls connected.
He stayed and we started dating ,
Everything was going great he even got a job. But then I got pregnant and he showed his true self an alcoholic. I told him he couldn't stay if he didn't give up drinking so he left .

25 pregnant ready to pop trying to get ahold of the father. Finally his sister convinced him to be apart of the birth.
He came back waited on me hand and foot for 3 weeks till our son was born. Then when our son was born convinced me to take him back.
The rest of the year was good and bad he went to jail twice and it was cuz he was drinking behind my back

26 a decision on my door step in form of Cps making me choose him or my kids.
I chose my children.
But sadly it didn't stop there he repeatedly tried to convince me to take him back .
It wasn't easy to stand my ground but I said its either the alcohol or us he said us but chose the alcohol.

27 a friend asked me to house their friend I said I would.
He slowly weaseled his way into my pants and then said we were dating, I stayed silent.
After awhile he showed his true self angry lazy gamer that picks fights over not getting his way.
Kicked him out but both him and my sons father harassing me.

Ex husband wanted joint custody and wanted the children to live with him for the year I said "not without me there"
So me and 3 children moved in with ex.
He was acting like he was trying to be a good father but unfortunately what I didn't know was that he was abusing my children while I was at work and made my children repeat his lies.
I was taken by surprise when Cps contacted me telling me what was going on.
Before I knew what was happening they took my babies.

28 years old
Just got new job new house and doing everything they asked me to do. Listening to the caseworker.
Asked caseworker what I had to do to get my kids back she replied "you must admit you failed as a parent"
Caseworker refusing to place my children with family because foster parents want to adopt.
My children constantly telling me that they don't like the foster parents crying and throwing fits when it was time to leave also taking off saying "Please mommy don't make me go back!!!"

Foster parents wanted me to use their parenting style and use their rules.
One rule was "no touching"
Foster parents upset at me for playing with my kids. I fake wrestle with them and they use me as jungle gym.

Took my visits away because my daughter tried running away to my house.

29
Working long hours saving every penny.
Rarely getting to see kids.
Wrote letters to every state officials that I could find no one would help me.

Caseworker lied to me every time I talked to her.
After complaining 6 months she was finally removed but she got to keep her job and testified against me saying that I had it out for her and that I worked against her which isn't true she had it out for me and constantly lied to me and my family.

30 present
Parental rights terminated

Crying on my sons 5th birthday because I couldn't wish him happy birthday.

I can't sleep
I can't eat
I can't hold you
I can't wipe away your tears
I can't take your pain away
I can't stand it
I can't see you
But I can still love you till you find me again

Even though they say that I can't see you three they can't keep us apart forever
Destiny will bring us back together again

My heart breaks my body aches
My mind searches for answers
My arms long to hold you three again some day I love you and I will see you again

Born red and fast asleep
You took my breathe away the first time you opened those bright blue eyes
Full of life and knowledge for someone so small
Your perception is through the roof you're laughter is music to my ears
Heart full of wonder
You surprise me everyday
I love you bigger than a t-Rex
Faster than a comet
Deeper than the ocean
Wider than a thousand smiles
You are my warren Walter my little WWW

Came into this world blue and screaming
You stole my heart with your first breath
Heart full of gold
Pure and innocent
Caring for others is your strong suit don't ever stop
You are stronger then you know
You have a way of knowing when someone needs a hug
I love you as wide as outspace as deep as the craters in the moon and as pure as an angel
You are my Clayton Bradley you are my heart

Born purple you stole my heart
As you grow I love you more and more each day
You're headstrong with a strong will and a huge heart eyes full of wisdom
My hope is that noone takes that from you
Stay true to yourself always
I love you deeper than the grand canyon as wide as the ocean and as many stars in the sky
My memmorie joye you are my heart.

Tracing your fingers over my skin kissing the nape of my neck holding me tightly as you gently put it in carressing every faset of my body moving together in the same rythym and motion kissing my neck my heart filled with emotion i cant hide this notion i try to hide how i feel inside when you kiss me like this i want to scream i want to shout i love you i just bite my tounge

When im around you my knees get weak my stomach hurts I can hardly breathe fluttering butterfly's when you touch my skin I get goosebumps when you kiss my flesh electricity runs through my veins you're my weakness yet my strength I wish you could see the one you're looking for is me

Addicted to your touch
Long for your embrace
Wish I could tell you how I feel
Your brown skin against mine
Caressing the contours of your face
This feeling inside
Is getting harder to hide
I dread the day that I might accidentally blurt out those three words
Should I hide hide how I feel
Is what im feeling real?
Should I let my love soar?
Or should I close that door?
Im unsure
Don't have a cure
My black beauty
Could you possibly love me?
This is not a fantasy

I fantasize about it would be like to have you makes me wonder if you would be true I ponder what it would be like to kiss your plump lips I fantasize about your skin pressed against mine passion and heat kissing your chocolate skin moaning when you put it in
Is it just infatuation? Or just ****** frustration? Could it turn into love? Or is it just lust? I don't know but I just want you to ******

The world is upside down guys that just want *** act like they want a relationship until they get what they want then they are gone

But yet the guys that want relationship ask just for *** and then ask for a relationship

Its so backwards it confuses me how do you tell if someone wants to be with you or if they just want ***? ??

Can I get a guys perspective on this because I can't figure it out

Suffered
             Endured
                             Worked hard Jumped through hoops
                        Ran around in loops
With sweat on my brow
           Needing to get things done
Not knowing how
          Sometimes wanting to run
I pushed ahead
                I wanted to cry in bed
But my hands bleed red instead
             Hard work determination
Refusing termination
             Holding my head up high
Happy I didn't die
                        As I wipe my eye
Happy its not a lie
                                    Relief
               Disbelief
Pain almost at an end
         Thank god for a good friend
Keeping me sane
                 Keeping my brain tame
I have knocked on doors
                              I have rang bells
Well no more
                    That's enough hell
I will stand tall
        Not backed up against a wall
Proved them all wrong
              Showed them I am strong
I will do it all
                          I refuse to fall
I have climbed up out of the hole they put me in
                          They
                   will
           not
  win

Ice forming
Wind blowing
Wolfs howling
Is spring coming?
I can't wait for ice melting
Rednecks grilling
Kids yelling
There's no telling
When spring is coming

Pain clawing at my brain trying to make me insane I try to refrain the constant mind drain and try to contain the animal within trying to break free and destroy me all my anguish is in vein but I try to remain selfless not to be confused with helpless
Constantly tired emotionally drained while my pain is clawing at my brain

I look around and all I see
is stupid people all around me

what happened to common sense?
When I was growing up we didn't need warning labels on everything we weren't that stupid

what happened to work ethics?
When I was a kid we had to work hard if we wanted something now people expect handouts

what happened to being kind to your neighbors?
Growing up everyone in our neighborhood were every race and we were "family"

what happened to respect for your elders?
I was always taught to be kind and respectful of my elders and help them out whenever possible

What happened to morals?
My parents instilled honesty, respect , don't steal, don't cheat, don't help someone else cheat, and treat others the way you want to be treated, in me at a young age I couldn't break them if I wanted to because they are hardwired into my brain.

What happened to telling the truth?
All I ever hear anymore is lies

What happened to society?
We used to play outside, shovel snow for our neighborhood, we didn't use technology, we went on actual dates , holding hands and talking was the best way to show you cared , now people have online relationships never meeting eachother and sending ***** pictures. People text when sitting next to eachother. No-one actually talk to eachother. People now are so stupid that they need warning labels on everything, no-one has god in their hearts.

I was taught that there is good in everyone but when I look around all I see is morons that only care about themselves and will lie cheat and use anyone to get what they want.

Where is the work ethic?
Wheres the workers that are energetic?
Why is the world lazy?
Its all hazzy
Wheres the hard workers?
Now there's only hookers
They just want free money
That's not how the world works honey

Angels are everywhere
If you know where
To look
They aren't in a book
But all around you
Its true
A mother holding a newborn
Keeping them warm
Safe from harm
A child
Innocent and pure
Keeping your heart sure
A stranger on the street
That pulls you out of the street
So you don't become roadkill
A friend that takes care of you when you're ill
Angels are all around you
You just need to know where to look