When I die, I want to go to hell
I'm a waste I'm useless, thats not hard to tell
It doesn't make sense why I mean anything to you
I could do it right now, theres nothing you could do
All my I've felt like an outcast
Hoping everyday that it would be my last
I wonder If I die will tears come to your eyes
Forgive me for my disrespect and forgive me for my lies
All I know is that the reaper is stalking
Forget this I'm sick of talking...

I wear this poppy to show respect
In a moment of silence we all reflect
These brave men fought on Flanders field
Millions in a crowd with a poppy they yield
People brought together by this one event
Everybody knows what this poppy represents
Lest we forget, a time to remember
Lest we forget the 11th of November

Its over 2019, gone, finished, done
2020 a new chapter of my life has just begone
Thank god its over, I hated this year
Drown my sorrows with my 12th beer
Keep drinking, maybe forget ?
Most things I did this year I could never regret
I'm glad its done and I never have to do it again
Hopefully I never have to feel like this, not now, not then
Goodbye 2019, leave me and don't come back ever
Hello 2020 please change me forever-

I miss you so god dam much
It kills me that I'll never get to feel your touch
Again and again you play through my mind
I look at the clock hoping it will rewind
Almost 4 years together and I can't seem to let go
Almost 4 year ago the seeds of love did sow
In those 4 years our love did grow
I cried for 4 minutes after you broke my heart
4 seconds without you feels like a life time apart
So I'll put on a brave face and try to move on
I took just 4 minutes for you be gone

When I'm on my own and you're far away
I look at the pictures of us to get me through the day
Knowing you're back home waiting for me
hoping this week goes by quickly
Stay strong babe, and don't let your mind wonder
They say absence makes the heart grow fonder
You know I'm working hard to get back to you
And crawl back in this bed we made for two

You're an alcoholic, please stop
Please don't drink until you drop
We need to keep going until our life ends
Keep on surviving for the family and friends
Who wants to see us live another day
I'm begging you stop drinking what else do I have to say

I'll take one more sip, keep drinking to feel good
I say like I'll stop when I know I never could
Poison In my veins making me feel this way
Keep drinking and drinking is all my head can say
Trying to numb the pain of daily life
Drinks getting stronger and stronger, stabbing me like a knife
I start to stumble and stutter
Regretting words that I mutter
Spilling thoughts that I keep buried inside
Wake up and realise what I've said, wishing I could just hide
Thinking the liquor was my friend, well I'm guessing it lied
Back in reality and now I want to just cry
So I'll return to the bottle and drink till I die

I keep drinking every night
I need a drink just to write
The words of a drunk man
To the same bottle he ran
Sip after sip he would write some more
Sip after sip the words did pore
Reading these words the truth I know it
I am the alcoholic poet

Ive wrote this for you to read in the morning
Now read this clear because it's your final warning
I'm begging you to stop drinking
Now I know what you're thinking
You say this to me every single night
But think about it, you know it's not right
It's slowly killing you
You know it's true
But what are you going to do?
Open another beer?
Please see it clear
I know you can escape this pit
The drink, you honestly don't need it
You've got that power inside
So please don't hide
Behind not being sober
Because in a blink of an eye I will able be over
So when you wake up with a sober mind
Read this all and you come to find
That everything I've said you know to be true
Because unfortunately I am you

I miss you so much, and it kills me to say
I've started cutting myself almost everyday
I hate that we cant talk and hate myself so much
All I want is to feel your touch
I know we toxic and argued a lot
But it kills me know another guy is in my spot
You probably hate me and I understand why
But there's no point living without you, I might as well die
Just want to here to tell me its going to be ok
Because I'm really struggling to live another day
I'll keep pushing in hopes we'll get back together
But if tomorrow doesn't come then just know I'll love you forever

I don't know if its love but I feel it true
I hope that its love because it begs fore you
Lost in my thoughts because you cloud my mind
When I look for an answer you're all I find
You're the only thing to appear in my head
I think I love you, that's enough said

I put my heart and soul into these word that I say
Because everyday my sanity is drifting away
Can feel anymore I'm going numb from pain
Like a sickness in my brain that's driving me insane
Is it a cry for help just empty husk writing
A war in my head that I can't stop fighting
I step to light but the darkness fights back
Holding out for a hero with a plan of attack
We're all God's toughest soldier when we're trapped in the pit
But that's writing helps me out of it
These words are my weapon and I use them good
Trying to reach people I never thought that I could
So listen to these words and let's hope they empower you
Because this is my story and these work bleed true

I miss you now, more than ever
Now I'm back in my stormy weather
You've been snatched away by a controlling hand
The fairest lady's been locked away from the land
All I wonder is why him and not me
I'm not hiding behind some deep seeded insecuritie
There's nothing there if you don't have trust
Just an empty ship waiting to rust
I skipped off work tonight because I missed your voice
Now I can't talk to you because you don't have a choice
Don't think I'll stop writing you because he's in the way
You will alway get a poem every single day

With no future in sight I don't see the point in trying
When I acted like I didn't like you, I was lying
If I knew that you liked me as well, I would have asked you out
But I thought different so I wouldn't let my feeling shout
I kind of wish I never knew
Now all I think about is you
I shouldn't have these thoughts because someone will get hurt
But now its all I think about, my thoughts I cant avert
I still like you when I should not
I still like you a lot

There's a blank spot in my head
Filled with fear and looming dread
Surrounded by the scars that you left me
On display for everyone to see
All my sins put on display
Violent thoughts I can't even say
You left me naked covered in shame
I'm not saying you're to blame
But you opened up the blank spot in my head
Now wishing I was dead

I said I'd leave you alone
And not message you no more
But your notification is the only one I want to be shone
With you not texting me now
The wounds still sore
I'm waiting by the phone
I cant wait much more

All my life I never really cared
Love was just a feeling, I thought it could be spared
Entering my life,I didn't think it would be you
As life went on, my love actually grew
Love did blossom on you and me
But love did fail before we could be
Though we tried,It didn't work out
My love still lingers with out a doubt

Do you treat him like you used to treat me
Or is he a better guy than I'll ever be
I used to drive hours just to get yelled at
I bet he doesn't ever get that
Have you realised what you did and finally changed ways
While I'm all alone lost in this scary maze
Because now he's got you and living a perfect life
While I'm looking at my wrists holding a knife

I think it's obvious that your my crush
With just a smile you make me blush
Just your words make me want more
Any moment with you is never a bore
Never seen you in person but I know how I feel
Give you love give you life, give you something real

I danced with the flame knowing I'll get burned
The same old lesson I never learned
Playing with fire is fun till start to feel pain
Trying to hold onto something you can never obtain
Once the ash settles you'll never forget
Dancing with the fire is something you'll regret

When the tears stop falling and words don't work
Sit in silence and in our minds we lurk
We all have demons from our past
Damaging feeling that we don't want to last
We all suffer alone at the end of the day
But if we keep pushing through then I'm sure we'll find a way

As I look at your grave, I start to cry
All I can ask is why
Why were you taken?
Did it have to be you?
And if I'm not mistaken
You were only 52
Taken to young, why God why?
Why did you let my grandfather die?
You took a good man away from our family
Is this the way it has to be?
Can I not see him for even just a day?
I don't think you're listening every time I pray
Maybe I'm foolish maybe it's all just lies
I'm starting to think you're the devil in disguise

I put my heart and soul into these words I write about
Bleeding with emotion, writing till my thoughts die out
Why do I keep writing? Is it effecting anyone?
Or have I wrote so much that their meanings been undone?
Will I give up? No, writing is the only way I stay sane
Not going to stop, I need these emotions out my brain

Found love, gained hope
Lost love, tide my rope

These pills took away my ability to feel
Now I dont know whats fake and whats real
Cutting myself because I need the relief
When Mum saw my arm she was in disbelief
I know I shouldn't, its not goof for my health
But when I look in the mirror I dont recognise myself

You sold me a dream that I never wanted to end
But everything you sold was just pretend
Atoms ripped in two
And the truth bleeds through
Tears fell down like rain from the sky
When I uncovered the weapon you sold was a lie
Too arrogant to see past your cosmic gaze
That this dream was just a nightmarish maze
Now I'm sat here alone waiting for those atoms to realign
And turning that dream into mine

Drinking to forget, god dam I need some rest
**** to get off my chest
I get so stressed
Thinking about that pain
Cause I'm never gonna feel the same
Lost in my brain, words just cant explain
Why I was so vain
Lord tell me why, I need to drink to feel sane?

Drinking myself numb again
Night after night
God I know this path is wrong
But why does it feel so right?
Sat here alone
Slowly going insane
Drinking to just try numb the pain

I'd rather tell drunken truths than sober lies
Endless poems you've come to despise
Words without meaning, words without rhyme
Words thoughts, words lost in time
Hold my hand and never let go
My sober feelings you will never truly know

My drunken words spill for you like the liquor I drink
Everything I write for you I tend to overthink
Do my words make sense or am I a drunk man rambling
Trying to find the right words, my thoughts are scrambling
I might just give up and keep sipping this liquid death
But I have to keep writing because Ive ran out of breath

I don't want to be just friends, I'll admit it
I'm drunk off your love, can't quit it
Can I speak from my heart for a minute
For a minute, think you need you need to hear it
Youve got me lost in my dam mind
Looking for answers but you're all I find
Tell me where we will draw the line
Because I want it to make you mine
Three in morning thinking I'm going crazy
Tell me what you're thinking about baby
When it comes to you I could never be lazy
You tell me to shut up well baby come make me
Think I'm lost again in a daydream, in a daydream
Hoping you can save me

Laying here in my room staring at the ceiling
Feeling numb from all the drugs just trying to find a feeling
Praying for a better day when I wake up tomorrow
I can't keep spending these long ol' nights just living in my sorrow
So I take sip of another beer
Wake up in the morning and I see things clear
This old town just ain't good for me
Time to pack my bag and leave real fast
100mph just to escape my past
No idea where I'm gonna go

Felt so lost before I found you
I think my life's complete I don't know what to do
You're all I could have asked for and more
I don't know why I was gifted happiness for
Thank you for coming into my life, you re lit my spark
You're the light that pulled me out the dark
I love you so much, more than words can say
My love grows day by day

Family is a bond that can never be broken
A love so pure it remains unspoken
We live with these people who we love so dear
The thought of losing them is are one true fear
No matter what happens down the road the love stays strong
Nothings more important than family, correct me if I'm wrong

Stay in my arms and hold me like this
I'm drunk off your love, an eternal bliss
The world falls silent when you lay with me
An out of body experience is what it's ment to be
You hold my soul so **** tight
You show me love with all your might
A bond so strong even god can't separate us
You show me nothing but love and trust
Like atoms we attract and hold strong
If loving you is a crime then I don't see nothing wrong

I swam up the river with all my might
Though the river pushed me back I didn't give up without a fight
I push and pushed until my arms gave way
The river may have won but I'll be back another day

You said forever, and at the time I thought that was true
I guess I'm the fool who chose to believe you
We loved we laughed but why did that change so quick?
Our relationship was like blood, so strong and thick
But you left like water, flowed out my life
I really thought I'd make you my wife
Now I'm sat here all alone
Wondering if you'll ever pick up the phone

You read my poems
That makes me so happy
You enjoy my words
Even if they're sappy
I'm glad you like the poems I do
I'll keep writing these poems just for you

I guess friendship means nothing to you anymore
You new that I'd be angry but na my feelings you'll ignore
I saw you as a brother, so much more than a friend
By each others side until the very end
You snaked me and it hurts, things will never be the same
The worst part is, you don't feel any shame
I never thought you'd ever do this to me
Some friend you turned out to be

Get out of my head, I'm begging you now
Wish I could stop thinking about you but I don't know how
So I keep writing in hopes it helps me heal
But I the pain wont go and it feels so real
I want to drink to forget
Instead I cut myself and regret
You're hunting my mind, please leave my head
Because I know if you don't then I'll end up dead

Whats the point in praying if God doesn't answer my prayer
Blanking me like that, guess you're not even there
Tell me why you keep taking the good and leave all that is bad
We're suppose to be your children, you're suppose to be our dad
So tell me father why do you make us suffer
Is it just for your amusement or are you trying to make us tougher
Because lord I cant take it, I'm getting weaker each day
Why give me family and friends if you're going to take them away
Can't we make a deal, please lord I'm getting weak
Reality's getting bleak, but you won't even speak
Forget it, no point praying
All I ask is maybe you understand what I'm saying
So you can stop this evil and maybe you can hear our cry's
I'm starting to think you're the devil in disguise

My words don't compare to the art you create
Paintings so beautiful but let me be straight
Your works of art reflect who you are
All your love, your energy even a long lasting scare
Hands of an artist, you're second to none
You paint stories and I wish to live one

Your heart stops the war inside my head
Your love makes me bleed and I feel like I'm dead
Drained from the pain and soft to the touch
All I ask are for your words but is that too much
When I said I loved you I wasn't lying
You turn painful tears into happy crying

Ignore what they say not men just boys
Keep doing you and just down out the noise
They try to act big to put you down
Don't ever let that pretty smile turn into a frown
Their words may hurt and there words may bruise
But hold your head up high and you will never lose

I didn't want a relationship until I met you
It's weird to say but I don't know what to do
I want to talk and text any chance I get
A soul like yours I could never forget
Even though I don't know you very well
Any second without talking to you is like a living hell
If you get this message please call me back
A day without you is like a heart attack

You left me on open and you left me sore
Do my words mean anything to you or are they becoming a bore
Feel like we're slipping and can't go back
You're my weakness, my life ending heart attack

When I say I love you its because its true
Though we've never met I really miss you
You seem to hold my heart like you've owned it before
I think you're the angel I've been looking for

I don't know why I fell so hard over you
But you unlocked feelings I never thought I knew
You may not be my first love but I hope you're my last
I want only you in my future and not in my past

Lost in her small town wishing for a way out
In hopes of her Prince charming to come about
She's destined for more and I know she'll do great
Lost in her small town but forever she will wait

How did I get like this?
Trapped in a dark abyss
My mind is clouded, heavy thoughts like rain
Numb to the point that I don't feel pain
Mum said time will heal me
But she doesn't understand the pain I see
It's hard to explain when you feel so low
I just want this dark abyss to let me go
I can feel it getting worse, day by day
As I'm writing this now, I don't know what to say
Maybe I'm broken, a lost puzzle piece
Everyone getting put together while I slowly decrease
I'm scared to ask for help because I think I'll look weak
I think it's because I'm a man that I don't want to speak
I guess I'll keep pushing and see how long I last
I never thought at 21 I'd want to die so fast