Snap memories open up videos from five years ago.
It’s from your birthday in San Fran.
Five years ago today I was so in love with you.
Five years ago I thought you were forever.
Five years later I’m recovering from the heartbreak of another man on your birthday.
I forgot it was your birthday.

It’s a shame you’ll never see these poems like I planned.
It’s a shame the deep love I had for you went to waste.
It’s a shame I never got to present my PowerPoint about how all of my fears and yours didn’t matter if we had each other.

But I hope one day you find someone else who loves you enough to put her feelings in a .pptx file for you.
I hope one day I find someone who loves me enough to want to make one in return.

I’ve got to detox you out of my system.
I’m going through withdrawals.
Even though your love was synthetic.

To hear the main reason you liked me so in the beginning was because I was the opposite of your ex wife.

You didn’t actually value the things you said you did about me.

You didn’t appreciate the things that made me unique.

Like a coat off the rack.
You were just trying me on for size.
To see how this felt.
There was nothing unique to you.

You didn’t see my embellished gold buttons.
My tailored fit.
My velvet interior.

You didn’t love me for any of the unique things I am.
Which make me so valuable to some.
You just liked me because I was different.

You were just playing dress up.

Usually, when I drive by really large homes my first thought is:
“Wow -what do they do for a living.”
My second thought usually is:
“What their net worth.”

Yesterday, I spotted an absolutely giant home and my first thought was:
“I wonder if they’re happy.”
My second was:
“I wonder if they love their partner like I love mine.

I caught myself after about 30 seconds.
Was I really thinking about this old super rich couple’s happiness?
I surprised myself.
Then I realized.
“Ah- that’s the lesson.”

You just have to jump! They said.
But I never wanted to free fall-
Until I saw you in the waters below.

You have this little sigh you do.
When something is bothering you.
In the exhale there is weight.
All I want to do is take the load off of you.
That was one of the first times I realized I loved you.
I was getting stronger, but not for myself.