I don’t want to die a repeated flame of the should haves, would haves, could haves, to live a life of potential that is never acted upon. I do not want to stand at the resounding end, after my heart has pumped it’s last liter of blood and my lungs have taken in their last gasp of air and wish I would have done more with the ones I had. Wish I had loved more, gave more, hoped more, allowed myself to dream more; about the possibilities and complexities of life. Refusing to settle for a life of ordinary and average. A life of the almost.

The schedule is set. The schedule cannot be touched. No. No. I do not bluff. Do not mess with my plans do not think you can change them, I have a way of completing them as I had previously arranged them. You will be kind, you will be neat. You will most certainly not drag your feet. Be on time. Leave swiftly when we are done. Remember, this isn't about having fun. You will take a test, choose an answer, A through D. You grades depend on your answers, no, you cannot plea. Because everything here is standard. That's why we call it a standardized test you see. We want to know how average you are. How basic can we make you. How can we take all of your skills, intelligence, capability and capacity and smush it together? A test of course, A through D, the letter you choose will determine what you mean to me. It will define you in the long run and can hurt or help a great deal. So don't buy into all of the nonsense that you are creative. No, we want none of that here, unless it is in the art room, and we're talking about paper and what you can smear. Because here it's all about what you "know" although I don't care if you understand or remember it. I'm just doing what the government thinks is best, they give me all of my money, so I always adhere to it. No, I don't care about you, your relationships, uniqueness, or capacity to change this world. I just care about what letter you bubble in on that test, so go ahead, pick C, so our statistics can go up and the school board will get an "atta girl."

I used to think something was wrong.
That it was my fault.
That I couldn't move on.
That I was living in the past.
That it was my problem.
That there was something wrong with me.
But it's not my fault, my problem, or wrong.
It just happened.
In that moment it wasn't wrong.
It was perfect.
So when I remember it, it's not because I want you.
It's because you used to be everything I wanted.

I just want to love someone and be loved in return. I don't want the texting, dating, flirting and getting to know each other. I don't want the attention, the thrill. I don't want a relationship status changed. I simply want to have someone I can say and be anything and everything with.