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Thinking of You Mar 2012
And so it all comes back.

Every wrinkle in your squinted eyes when you smiled towards me.
Every Laugh we shared.
The long talks and nights under the stars.
Every absent conversation afterward.
Every Blank Stare.
Every night with a tear stained pillow wishing you were there.

The reasons I adored you.
And the reasons we left.
The reasons I care and the reasons I'm pretending I don't.
They flooded in with the remembrance that hung in your gaze.
Everything I had erased has now come back.
I remember you now.

I wish I could forget.
Thinking of You Mar 2012
Dear little wood pecker pecking at my brain,

Please stop if you care at all about me staying sane.
You are small in shape but huge in sound and your beak is pecking and the most fragile part of the ground.
I wish you would go away, or peck at something else.
Because you see if what you were pecking was to be taken, I am not sure how I could respond.
There isn't a back up plan if that rope were to break, and i'm not sure exactly how far I would fall and to where it would take.

It is the only thing in the present I see to focus on and the only thing I see worth keying in on. If I had a back up plan, sure, you could peck away, let your beak not wander or stray.  But right now your pecking at the only reality I see, so please please wood pecker would you hasten you beak.
Thinking of You Mar 2012
Someday you will find me.
You will look me in the eyes, and I will just know.
No second guessing.
No questioning.
Just the knowledge that it is right.
And that moment, that moment, will be one to remember.
That moment, is the one I am looking forward to.
Thinking of You Mar 2012
We were the best at nothing.
We were the rulers of lost times.
We we the saints of our own sins.
The ones that were bound in the abyss of getting by.

One day would never come.
Realization would never reach our nerve endings.
We were the best at being satisfied with dissatisfaction.
Just enough to talk but never enough to change our ways.

We were the best at longing for love, while lacking the self-control to wait.
We knew the one was yet to come, and we were discontent, but content enough with not all of the something we wanted.

We were the best at thinking about changing.
We were the best at negative hopeful thinking.
We were the best at lying around like sleeping beauty waiting to be awakened to finally begin our life.

Lying.

Dreaming.

We were the best at waiting for our lives to begin.
Thinking of You Mar 2012
As I laid on the roof with my back against the shingles and the guitar over my chest, I could glance out toward the right and see dashes of heat lightening rapidly setting the sky aglow for a few short moments, while I watched the last remnant of color diminish from the cloud above me.

I wondered what the cloud was seeing, it still had the warmth of the sun that i could no longer gaze upon. I watched as it slowly faded into the blackness I was in. It seemed instantaneously after the cloud disappeared into the blackness a star was there to take it's place. I began to notice the crevices in the oak tree above me, as the twilight made out it's shapes.

The only light the earth was yielding were the few stars above me that weren't blocked by clouds I could no longer see. I looked across the street and saw a dimly lit lamp post, that looked like it could have been from a mythical time, it was surrounded by branches that it's light could just reach to outlines of their vegetation.
As I breathed in, I set my head on the roof I knew to be grey but now was black, and found my gaze anchored on one small star out by itself, absent from any other form of constellation. It flickered, as if it was an aged lantern, far way in the distance, who's light was ailing to die out.

While I watched the lantern I unconsciously observed the lamp in our neighbor's house across the street present itself, once it did a man placed himself in a chair to read, while I was watching him I began to ponder about the activity in all of the other dark houses around me,  all of us in boxes that we spend most of our time in. But then I was drawn back to my little isolated star, watching the ever so minuscule light glimmer, in the sea of black.

And as I watched, that weak star I had thoughts, I had thoughts of you, mainly of you. Somewhere, on this planet you were present. It's Friday, so are you out with friends, prehaps being a quarter back for a football team I don't know the name of, or on a date with a girl who's trying to make a good impression.
Then I pondered a thought, what if you were seeing something similar to what I had my eyes set upon. If you could be lying down, and looking up at sky, soaking in the atmosphere, and if you could be looking at the same solitude star I was peering into.

And then I just laid there, and could not look away, not for a moment, I was enjoying the knowledge of knowing we are both under the same sky, and you could be viewing the same star I was, and I imagined looking at you, and watching you study my favorite lonely star. And when I did, I didn't feel the night air on my legs, the marks in my hands from the guitar strings, the still damp bathing suit on my body, or the sandpaper like shingles that were beneath me. At that moment, I felt you, looking back. And that was enough.

— The End —