One day you will meet a girl
Who will be joyful about everything in the world
She will not have a past that haunts her
By the scars that were reflect roads of agony when she made every wrong turn
She will not smile half heartedly
She will not laugh loud to swallow her tears
She will not hurt you intentionally
She will not push you away
She will not toy with you
She will not feed you sweet nothings
She will not make you a distraction for what she truly feels
She will not build walls so high even China cannot compete
She will not drink herself to death
She will not keep secrets
She will not make you feel bad for her
She will not cheat on you
She will not love you and push you away, afraid.

She will be clean
She will laugh and it will be real
She will cry it and it will be real
She will hurt you but never on intention
She will never push you away
And you will be persistent to let yourself in
She will drive you crazy
She will tell you she loves you and prove it in every way
You will be an inspiration
She may have walls but you will be determined this time to break them down
She may drink and get herself wasted but you will always be there for her at 2am, on the bathroom floor holding her after emptying her stomach, singing her to sleep, and it would always be one of the best nights of your life
She will not keep secrets from you
She will always make you feel better even in yiur darkest days
She will be faithful
She will be there

And you will be there to witness it all
But it's not gonna be with me.

How do you do it?
How do you sleep at night and know that tomorrow would be better?

How dol you do it?
How do you wake up each day knowing nothing has changed and continue?

How do you do it?
How do you plaster that unwavering smile on your face for 16 hours and not break down?

How do you do it?
How do you live?

Blades and scissors were nothing compared
To the words that stabbed her heart and lived in her mind
From the one person
She adored
The one person she looked up to the most
The one person she loved, loves, and will love no matter what

That first look of disappointment
Intensified
More and more
Every time she did something he never approved
She was a puppet
He planned her future bright and clear
She was okay with that
But one mistake led to another
And before she knew it
All of his plans came crashing down

She remembered that first look
Those first words
She will never forget
They lived in her mind
Where they built giant castles and declared it their home

She was no longer perfect
He no longer trusted her entirely

He hated what she was becoming
She hated that he hated her

She was getting too far
She was getting too far gone

And suddenly no one can stop her

He still looks at her
But not like before anymore
There was something in there
The disappointment that still lingers
Because she was no longer perfect

Because she was growing up

She will scream
I AM FINE
with a smile plastered on her face
with shaking hands
with quivering lips
she will force you to believe her
Because maybe if enough people believed what she was saying
She would believe it herself

Everyone loved her when she brought happiness
Everyone adored her for what she could give
But no one gave a **** when she was slitting her wrists for the wrong reasons
No one phoned her to see how she was doing

No one was around for her downfall
When she was reaching for a hand to hold on to
Because in truth
If only there was one hand
Even just one hand
She would grab hold of it for dear life for as long and as hard as she can
Because then she would know that even at her darkest hours
There was a hand that cared
Enough to save her dying heart

I was an ocean
And they were all scared to swim