I've been meaning tell you that I'm sorry for the way
I been kind of all over the place lately
I know I been outta my mind for the last, say, two, three, twenty four months
I know I got a little too close to the ledge
and I chased my mind way over the edge
but fallin' on the way down
I learned how to fly

Lights go out
I lie on my back
Covers still cold
Room's pitch black
My thoughts become my own
Whete life's complications can't intrude
I plug In my music
I'm in one of those moods
A thousand thoughts run
through my mind
going back over memories
chasing parts of me I can't find
I run scenarios in my head
of stuff I know won't happen
but how I'd like things to go instead
Emotion locked in songs
And though some I wish I could I can't forget
I reopen the wound with the lyrics but it aches so beautifully with regret I don't really want to let go
Secretly I like this pain
Because it's almost like I take the past back
Like standing in the rain
I over think it all
Then brush aside the mess
Because I'm too tired to sleep
And it kinda starts to hurt less
I toss and turn under the sheets
Names and flashbacks echo off my thoughts
There's always someone my mind can't shake
Tying my sanity in knots
At last the darkness overtakes me
I fade out to something surreal left unscarred
This is me alone
Where I let down my guard

my biggest fear
is over your little head
Your biggest fear
is the monster under your bed
maybe five or six times that morning
I changed my hair
but you wore your superhero suit to pick me up
'cause you're too happy to care
you're too little to know real hurting
I hope you never grow up to learn what it's like
I hope you always smile with your eyes open wide
and the worst pain you ever know's falling off your bike
your mom's arms are always there
for you when you fall so hold her tight
don't waste your happy days
crying over broken toys or being scared of the night
you're too young to have cracks like me
from when someone broke your heart
the worst kind of cracks are the ones you made yourself
where you accidentally tore someone you were supposed to love apart

Just look at what we left shattered in the shadowy night
Just look at the wreckage
we left from the fight
I always like to play with fire you know
You're nothing like the flames I'm used to though
isn't it cold there all alone
where no one's around to hurt you
with no one but your pride there
to help you through
and the favorite of your fears
is my treason
mine's the way
you change your mind like the seasons

You asked me if there's anything else  you should know about me
I told you no
you didn't see me hesitate
before I said that though

I suppose that's the trouble with typed out words
I suppose that's why I didn't see
before it was too late to learn that you hesitated
                when it
                        came
                            to me

I'm crazy
I'm crazy
I'm random and odd
We're crazy
We're crazy
We're strange and we're flawed
We use funny phrases
no one has ever used
Like adhesive sloths, weaponized turtles,
after all, what have we to lose?
We laugh 'till it hurts at jokes only we get
all and every day
We're crazy, we're crazy
Crazy in the best way

To give you an idea of our insanity:

Our dream is to be get the punishment one day for our crazy stunts of having to write out I must not __ (every rule you broke) on a black board and for that black board to read:


I must not conduct my own fire drills
I must not hold go cart races in the library
I must not place mass orders for nuclear weapons to be delivered to the school office
I must not encourage other children to eat tar
I must not operate heavy machinery in the school parking lot
I must not create underground tunnels
I must not establish a casino in the girl's washroom
I must not steal the classrooms' ceilings
I must not experimentally surgically operate on the class pet
I must not bring unattached body parts for show and tell
I must not attempt to execute by guillotine any other students
I must not catapult other students' belongings off of the roof
I must not catapult other students off of the room
I must not volunteer to host the circus performances in our school cafeteria
I must not set fire to the principal's car
I must not set fire to the principal
I must not convert the gymnasium into an aquarium
I must not lock zoo animals in my locker
I must not start flash mobs during the homily at Mass in Church
Soap must be used appropriately

There comes a time for realizations.
Realize you aren't perfect so you shouldn't try to
conform to society's shiny little frame of perfection because
it's artificial but defy definitions of
traditional beauty and perfection and create your own meaning
of flawlessness.
Realize beauty from the ashes is the
purest kind of all because
all the ugly has been burnt away.
Realize that the monsters you used to be
afraid of under your bed
are not what you should have been
fearing but the ones inside of your head,
whispering to you alongside
your inner demons and there are things
in life far scarier than the dark.
Realize there are certain types of cold
that are not wintery or measured in temperature,
the kind you don't feel but you become
and that the worst screams are silent
and not produced by lungs
but glassy eyes instead and silence
can be loud and sometimes
just because you are standing in a crowd
doesn't mean you can't be horribly lonely.
these realizations are the definition of pain
but if you trace your scars far enough back
you will find that it was all worth it
considering what you learned in the end.