We don't have a dog because we live in rented accommodation,
    So my wife put on a spotted onezie and became a dalmatian,
    With a diamante collar and a matching faux-leather lead,
    I walked her to the park where squatting she peed,
    And was chasing thrown sticks running on all four,
    When she was unexpectedly mounted by an elderly labrador.

I waved my arms and shouted but didn't know what to do,
As the local pack, arriving, formed a disorderly queue,
A lurcher, some spaniels and an ambitious pekingese,
Took turns as she braced herself on her hands and knees.
Then delighted by the freedom of unmuzzled fornication,
She left me for a policewoman -
Who owned a very large alsatian.