please don’t hug me for long

i don’t want to start crying ,,,

I dye my hair red so,
when i wash it out i can imagine the red water
as blood

How does one
know they're in love
if love has yet to exist?
*
is it all just a scam?
is he the lion and I the lamb?
*
when he pulls me in by my waist,
does he only want a taste?

will i ever be his wife,
or will i get drawn in and stabbed with a knife?

what is love?
how does it sound?
what is love?
how are you bound?

how must we know?

im afraid i can't, so i must go,,,

who am i to you?
        cold wind stealing your breath?
am i someone new?
        standing face to face with death?

the tightness in your body as she stands against you covered in lace?
        the goosebumps after a fright lingers?
the way your hands begin trace?
        her eyes staring in a trance?
warm breath upon your face?
        the urge in a thunderstorm to dance?
or,
am i just a glance?
a glance you give yourself in the mirror before leaving for class,
a glance you give after a night of lust
a glance you give to a girl walking as you pass,
a glance down as the snow begins to gust,
a glance you gave me knowing it would be our last.

who am i to you?

Why does my own house feel like a prison I can’t escape from?

Social Distancing does not mean Divorce...

Do you ever wish,
that you could undo something you did...
But at the same time,
you wouldn’t?

Is the wind howling your name,
Or is it just my imagination?

There’s one star in the sky,
Beaming against the crescent moon,
I wonder if you’re looking at it too

I can pretend what you say doesn’t bother me,
Wipe it off my face and,
Replace it with a winced smile,

But the moment you act on your emotions,
I can’t pretend it doesn’t hurt,
For it is far to painful to see,
that you don’t care what you’re doing to me.

The faucet drips,
the dog nips,
the baby cries,
the tv remote dies,
the keys are missing,
the cat keeps hissing,
the husband is gone,
the overgrown lawn,

[the gas in the car won’t last a mile,
But I’ll continue like I always do,
And put on a smile.]

I convince myself I’m over you,
I convince myself I’m done,
I try as hard as I can,
But the moment you walk into the room,
It always goes back to phase one.

I just wish,
when you look into my eyes,
and tell me you love me,
I could believe you...

when i tell you to leave,
why does it hurt me more?

when i tell you to go,
why don’t you stay and fight?

when i tell you not to speak to me again,
why does it take days to see what would happen if you did?

are you listening...?

When you look into my eyes,
What do you see?
The pain, the sadness, the misery?

When you look into my eyes,
Do you see who I am?
A girl as innocent and fragile as a lamb?

When you look into my eyes,
Can you see the rest of your life?
Or will you draw me in, then stab me with a knife?

When I look into your eyes,
Why does it seem like a game?
a wild beast to tame,
a narcissist boy amongst the same,
Especially when you so easily forget my name...

My love is just a display,
Broken pieces glued together form half a heart,
I was never easy-no.
The love I gave you didn’t match,
Suddenly you drew weary and I was thrown out the hatch,
Left alone in a sea of tranquility,
Alone in the gaze,
This is not the first time someone has made me faze,
Free into the night lonely souls walk the streets,
Lost amongst the others I am no different,
My heart only beats.
I knew this wasn’t right,
For all my efforts must always ignite.
I throw my heart into the trash
For one day I wish, this time wasn’t the last.

I forgot how happy it made me to see your name light up my phone,
The butterflies in my stomach,
The thought that maybe just this once you didn’t want to be alone,

The numbing in my face,
telling me how long you’ve been gone,
and all along maybe you knew,
I just couldn’t keep up the pace.

The lies, the love,
all of its lost,
Vanished into nothing like a magic trick,
And when you lie that’s what it cost.

Could roses cover the night skies,
in search of new beginnings?
                          
But all are found is lost followers,
mending their time with imaginary tales.
                          
Toe-to-toe against the wall,
the waves come crashing down.
                          
Breeze takes in light,
catching a glimpse of the stars above,
but something just doesn’t feel right.

The deep dark dream of eternity,
Awoke!
Add rings to an old tree; relief

New sounds, no sounds
New world, no world
New surroundings, no surroundings.

New uniform to blend out old
Arctic night among the northern stars
The deep dence caves along the forest
The base of new life springing up
From the roots below

He comes and goes however
He is always watching
Moments of suffering turn silent
Moments of joy turn rustic
Time has never had a chance
We have never had a say,
Much as an even number of grains of sugar is poured

He is powerful.
He is strong.
He brings misery and despair.

And yet,
We embrace him.