One day I'll find new skin to begin with,
One day I'll find new eyes to yearn with.

I just have to keep working at my heart.

She is boundless

Eternal

Tears well up in my eyes

For her love was eternal

As time relinquished its hold over logic

And the sparks reignited frigid hearts

Returning to furnaces of courage, bravery and purpose,


She is the ocean. And she lies asleep, awaiting.

Ditched by the people I used to love
Thoughts dashed apart by uncertainty
But hey, it's my life.
Lord of what I see, king of the carnivals of ruin.
On hold, is what we are.
On hold, is what we were..
I can't hold on, to an empty space.
But I've learnt to take it easy on myself.
Yeah.
The new intros.
The old rusty confessions.
The islands, the bridges now burnt.
My life and yours, in VCR.
My breath, chained in yours.
This basic space, together.
In the sunset that never came.


Her records start to screech to a halt, my tears begin drying up.
Her portrait begins turning blood red,
my foaming mouth closing up.

Amidst the temperature dropping

The words and actions blended together

Then symphonies became orchestral

And I knew then, they were instrumental

Caressing my soulless vacant husk

Kneading feelings back into me.

Old feelings bubble to the surface,
Finding my tongue tied and heart slightly scarred from all you've done.
Oh, she who once I called sister.
Bound by ties stronger than blood,
And spirits lighter than wine.
How I've missed you.
Cause you, you just know.
You just do.

And I've watched things on this screen, appear and disappear faster than we both would know.
And her hand, so soft in my cracked palms and ashen lips.
Feel the dark rhythms explode in your breast.

I took myself where I didn't wanna go.
I dragged myself down, I used myself up.
Perhaps you left because of that.
You were being replaced, perhaps that was the fear.

But these blood and tears, erased like the gut-wrenching confessions and years of pain.
Crawl back for more, back for more.
I crawled to shore, not knowing it was running out, the continent shrinking to an isle.

We'll lose the ones we love,
Lose the ones we most adore,
Yet we go on, we go on.

Blood and tears, through sweet release we share in death.

Everything seems so worthwhile.
For a moment.
For a moment.

What is it that I'm waiting for?
Waiting for words I barely know.
Life kicks me in the teeth, but I still crawl through these torrential blood and tears.

And years crawl on, and the death I hold is now complete.

It is a burial at sea.
A Viking pyre.
... And the silent dissonance of perfect insanity.

Arm in arm with someone that's not yours : - Intoxicating.

Palms on someone you shouldn't touch : - Exhilarating.

Fingers caressing someone with sensuality thought lost : - Euphorical.

As formless as we become
However we dress ourselves emotionally

What we seek lies between two doors
The black-draped curtains of yesterday


Or the dusty windows, coated with the frigid air of tomorrow.

take me with you

whisper gently

as I lay still

burning up & away

as the pills consume warmth

and your cold arms, outstretched

hold me again.

The months have come and passed
The seasons changed for time withers away the mightiest amongst us

So why do I feel so alone?
Time heals all wounds
But I think Father Time forgot about me.

Perhaps at the end of my ink, the end of graphite.

This is the way I bleed best, into paper.

You fed me something real

fed me something true


Now I'm down with the chills

withdrawing from the terrible lie

of warmth eternal

There have been a dozen homes

a thousand kisses

but only seven wild flowers litter the porch of memories

baring their beauty in stark consistent contrast of concrete

year after year

as if their presence

unyielding

unwelcome

showed that love

would always


stay.

They said, write well.

They said, write less.


I wrote, breaking as every word I poured had a piece of me.

I wrote, letting my soul enunciate every word, proofreading their symphonies.

What can you do when you realize you're the reason things end?

As cold fire wrapped around sight / (the blood to my veins)

Purpose-emblazoned beauty cascaded / (beauties that will never be yours)

Dropping the hatchets armed to teeth/ (his walls came down for lack of restraint)

Looks that swept base instincts


I understand now

if love was meant to stay

love wouldn't end up



this cold.

I am the slow crawl between madness and insanity.

I'm the soft tune that whistled past your ear, too soft to recall, yet sharp enough to catch your attention.


I am regret.

The tunes swept over me

the shudder down my spine


Have you finally returned?


Or are you just



Visiting?

I've got a bone to pick with ya.

Yeah, you heard me right.

Your prenuptial presence ebbs away my will far quicker,

Than any toxin or evil might.


You feel so right, when the peace enroaches my soul.

Auld lang syne, my dear treasure in the rough.

My darling sapphire, the maiden of roses.

Til kingdom cometh.

Blue was the sky

On that beach

Blue were your eyes

As I kissed you

Now red is what I see

And we fell apart

Taking each apart

In this darkest dungeon
Men with scars march to uncertainty
In promise of wealth and glory
Or perhaps for some penance

Silently they ensure grotesque sights
Macabre beings by its end
Blight corrupting life's blood
Time at its cruelest and most ironic
But the ticking matches with every heartbeat
Their saving grace, the dying torch
And their tears, all dried up and wizened

Composure collapses as comrades fall
Mind's grip loosening and squealing
Insignificance breaking them
The thoughts and regrets
A spot of hope in the darkness snuffed
Just as quick as it came

A thudding heart in the void
A thudding madness
Where do they tread on now?
The chanting grows louder
Dry lips, bloodshot eyes.
Finally, their tormentor in sight
Gnarled fingers tremble in sword grips
Bowstrings fiddled with, dirks clanging

Vapors give rise to rage
A vile disgust and unfathomable sorrow
A dread affirmation of nihilistic proportions
But nothing mattered, except the moment.
And the screaming of the void halted
The beating of the heart stopped
They fell to their knees, never the same again.

And finally, it is rain in the forest.

The fluttering of eyelids breathed new life into the moments caught like fresh Polaroid snaps, the afterburn of the camera flash persisting, like a memory that fought its way to remain, resisting time and wear til the end.

The flesh knows the aching, burning want. The mind knows the still, cold pools of fools, the soul rolling with the blows of said fools, who thought time as it was would never be everlasting : A shrieking defiance, with the Chariot being pulled along by hanged men ; an everlasting idiocy.

But dreams & memories do just that. Syphilis-like consistency, marauding us all with persistent innocent tendencies to drown us in nostalgia, regret and fury. Yet we still have them on repeat. To not have known, is far more terrifying than not knowing. After all, we fear what we don't know. What we don't understand.

A few more words squeezed out for the year

Become the candle which I kneel to
Endure the flames which kiss you
Orate your tears in my arms
Wince as our wuthering tempest jolts us
Unyielding our souls shall be
Ligaments tear apart with blighted tone
Forsaking atonement for damnation

This I swear to you
Yours will be the name I cry at night


A few more tears freshly picked from the oven

Elsewhere in a surrogate legacy
I was walking down the corridors
Our effigies, dead ringers and tableau
Unruly, unnecessary, and everywhere
An afterlife I didn't want to exist in

But you told me something I can't recall Scattered like leaves in the wind
The soundtrack of nails
On a chalkboard
An onslaught of recollection

A pitch perfect rendition of my deeds
A choice between myself and you

Bitter, battered I fell
Bloodied, bruised knees clotting

Your illustration, your illusion slid to me
Your plunging neckline, of plumed faith.

Labium laboured
Labrum lolled

As you held my dying gasp
As you gazed into infinity in my eyes

You breathed the last loving words.
Hark, my king.
Kiss me, kiss me goodnight.
Surrender to me,
One more song for the end.

Shuffling all the cards I've played back into my deck,
Closing up all the stitches I've got over it all.

Kicking down the throttle of this machine once more,
It roars to fire and smoke, bringing my focus stage right.

I'm searing into the sunset without you.

A queen most fair, with blade poised to serve,

A queen just, years linear on her face.

Dare she speak? Will it bring cause, for the effect?


The matriarch, by wolves, admonished.

When will her sparrow ever come,

Tasting the tears that will never end.

My fingers curl around your face.


I'm afraid this would've been all a waking dream.

Dance with me till the suffering ends
Kiss me, tell me everything will be alright.

It's time for my soul to be disarmed.

Theatres of sounds grating on my nerves

These tunes scrambling all thought

I hope my senses cover themselves tonight.

We're ghosts
In the candlelight

We're guests
Of the starless night


Who would have guessed
We'll haunt these homes forever?

I have long lost where you end
I have given up on my beginning

These red strings became rope, digging into our being.
Bound as one, to the Hereafter.

From cosmic dust,
To cosmic ash.

I will see you, again.

assurance in love is key to skinship
but skinship alone is never enough
for the hole left behind
is always
has always
taken more than what reprieve
it brings.

Thus loneliness encumbers my shoulders and heart again.
It feels like a singular kiss, amongst a hail storm of hellstricken bullets.
Snowflakes in a garden of rust.
An amoeba separated from its kin, unable to split.
21 decided to be divided to 4.
Perhaps my worth as a wordsmith wasn't as great as I thought.
Thus the feeling draws on itself, in a constant art and motion, an Ouroboros Serpent.
Like how I used to stammer and stutter badly as a child, ironing myself out but falling and scraping yet never bruising my eagerness.
Nostalgia and adventure are just means for one to hide in security.
Perhaps one day, one day I'll fall in love again.
Baggy pants, oversized shirts and a lioness, wispy and delicate. But alight with fire, with life all the same.
And the rain fell on me, eliciting no tears, but ripped my pores apart, and whiffs of an old perfume, of ghosts. Playing to the tune of yesterday, I swept across with her. And I let her go, as the dust settled on my tongue and ash filled it, and was gone.
The lady who ran this place, bowed and closed the mausoleum, and I asked, "How much for your services?" And then she said, "You couldn't afford it."
I walked away into a wasteland blooming again. There's no sweet taste of victory here.
Only death's touch remains, all-cleansing and all-equalising.
I pick her up, and she said, "What took you so long?"
I sigh.
"It's nothing."

Fire, fire everywhere again.

You haunt me, but I ignore it.


Your succulent chest, with the sultry kiss of hellbound pain.

We're moths. And some of us run in and die.


But, a beautiful end, to the dismal lives we have.

Her blur crashes into my windshield
But I don't raise my arms to my face
Neither do I remember how to tuck into a ball

The glazed eyes meet mine
Honey gum spills from her lips

Her revenant consumes me whole
Twitching, catatonic I become.

I've been depreciating myself, as time went on
Faster & faster with the dexterity of a rogue
Ever so slightly like the courtesans of old

Til the day I find myself, and love myself for what I am.

Sometimes always monsters.

Her absence made the heart grow fonder
  But the abated breath
   And silent waiting
      Makes me feel like we're forever
Dancing
To the end of love.

I still recall the tears that opened after the years fell from your face.

I ask none, but to be strong.

I am and will be walking after you.

Closer and closer I inch, til I one day will be beside you again.

What started off with me, will end with us.

You're my light.

The dark will swallow me, with only your light to dispel it.

From a lord of the moor, to the King In Black.

From a lady in red, to the Red Queen.

Our language, the only one we need.
Our cascade, remorse, repense.
Our beginning, restart, end.

Back to the shadows on my moor.
The Grey Lord into ash..
And the King In Black with a crownless throne.

With the turning of the clock,

And the grooves on your hip,

I'll just toss your stature over my shoulder,


Just to prove a point.

There are moments

Which you speak


But there are moments

Where you halt your breath


And speak of something else

For better or for worse.

Let endless neon wash over pale powdered skin

Gyrating all over the hips go

Synchronized beating of the incessant drumming

It's her scent I know

Along with countless swaying bodies.

I'll rather get lost in Hell attempting to find you
I gather that being last in Heaven but walking through those gates with you is fate

Feed the insatiable hunger so that I'm victorious
Lead the sashaying young ones

We're covered by the names of lovers from pages past.

Tattered rags, and rusted chrome chains bond us, bind us.

You're my happiness in slavery.

Tried to say something but all I have are maggots falling from the rotten gums
Felt cold and it was the knife twisting and turning rusty in my gut
How did it vanish like houses of cards
A clinking of glass the swirling of colors
Electric scraping on tangible tastes
The moans on loan from cascading faith
Oh Lord Almighty, feel me now as I sin
Wrong you
Lie to myself
Cheat on you
Let go of you
This perfect drug

A day with you
Let's see what it has
The anxious waiting for you to come in sight
Silhouette coming into view
And my smile, a welcome reflex
The sun comes out to greet us both
I'm happy in the sun (you)
Snakes slither across my spine
In your embrace
Cold pit, warm furnace.
Signs of hazard stop

Like coming under fire
The rain pours (shelter)
Blazing defiantly like the sun
Your touch like sugar in jam
Viscosity of this vice you hold me in
This sensation you hold me in
Entropic

I'll court myself once more,

Slowly, as the walls come down.

Lovingly,as if I was holding my newborn child.

Easing myself so I might hold my own joy in arms long unused.

I flew into the embrace of uncertainty
Afraid of what I'd find, alone.

Now, after settling on the shoulders of choices made
I'm mostly home

And I'm me
And we're home

And there's no point being selfish anymore.

This house is on fire, along with all these bridges connecting to it.

Let's rest here for a little, and watch the skies gain new streaks.

Scrawl traces of your existence
Etch runes of power
Nibble the possessions meant to fade
Dig into flesh willing to bleed

Hear, the tales of eons past
Explain your purpose of existence
Lovingly caress as you are whittled away
Plead for more, til you lose where you end

And you begin.

Subside, O hunger of mine.

Satisfy thyself of cravings,

So we might co-exist just yet.


Play our tunes so fires might just extinguish,

Instead of being set alight once more.

Let the blood flow
Through these halls
Of the love
That we used to cherish

Let the fire burn
Tearing down
This haunted manor
Of the conflagration of lies

Turn off these lights forever.
These ashen lips bear scarification.
The mirrors I saw you with, shattered.
My pride bearing the brunt of the ruin.

Where molten ashes once flowed
Only cooling blood remains
Sticking to my feet, like a vise.
And I left, troubled mind going back to black.

The crown I wore, the jester's hat I adorn my head with now,
With the Kingdom in rubble,
I go back to her, and you go back to black.


My blood now settled, with the rebellion awaiting their Red Queen once again.
The ebony sea parting for the ivory pedestal to place your head on.
The tapestries in tatters, madness apparent in your eyes.

And I hold her hand, going back to black.
The pindrop silence shattered with the black disquiet.
Black curtains, with the grey smoke.
Black lips, rotted away.
Black memories, in my ashes.
Black speech, into my stride.

We go back to black.

This doesn't feel right.

There's a tune that's loose in my mind.

I recognize what I feel it for.

Pain, and this recognition brings the rain.

I don't want to believe it.

But I have to.

Like a ******'s mess of a mind in a rut to get his fix, I ran from distraction to distraction.
The original sin of knowledge, and innocence lost.
They cascaded like raindrops on my face, and became **** on my windshield.
Slowly, becoming perhaps more bitter and jaded, a basic ***** to life and her schadenfreude.
A single desecration of desexualized thought, and that was it.
I wanted more.

I'm forever missing you.
I'm always chasing ghosts, even if I put them to sleep.
The thoughts hovering like hummingbirds.. for once the sun belonged to us.
Our nuclear sun.
The ray of light that once belonged to me. And me alone.


I miss you.
I'm forever nuclear whenever I think of you, for your voice echoing in my skull is the only thing I hear these days.