Shadows settle where warmth once stood

On windowsills

Beneath quilted covers

Emancipated, gaunt figures now linger there :

Reeking of desperation, to make sense of the cold.

A paper cut

A ****** machete

Became a thorn on the focus

Became the pause on the focus

A wail of the wee ones

A whirl on the freeways

Became a soft smothering

Became a daft splattering.

Burn, burn like the rage of a dying flame.


Scream, scream with the cry of a bushfire.


Flicker, flicker away as the wind puts you out for one last inevitable time.


The bridges are now torched.


There is no you, there is only me.

We'll hang up our cowls & capes

In the thick of the collapsed ruins

Cranking one last tune on expired phonographs

Groaning as osteofluorosis plays his merry tune again

Still, gazing with the vast emptiness of long-lost eyes,

As a long lost chord haunts these halls again, we mutter :

"I can hear it now, like I heard it then."

A numb sense of right & wrong

The aftermath of events went nuclear


Making an esoteric pact all alone by a round table

Who what when why - identity crisis of belief

Even with the chill of culmination


I recall the actual events of long ago, like it was yesterday.

A little bit of something I haven't kissed,
A little bit of a line I inch closer to

Help me chain myself
Anchor my soul and body

A gradual slow crawl to a halt
Rolling eyes at the visual premonition
Surely this must be in jest, old feelings emerge and though not mine
Niche tastes flap on my tongue
Inquisitiveness turns to desire
Clamping down on the Beast

Time is a cruel mistress, is she not?
Yesterday bought stability
Now today bought sins to light.
eu sunt dracul *chuckle

While I eventually await the end - all siren call

Of the heat death of our universe

Killing time with the minutiae of hourglasses

Enroaching sub-zero temperatures ensure I will never achieve that closure.

The absence of heat, rather than being in a true inverse of statement, i.e : It is warm - it's hot, instead, i. e : It's cold - there is no warmth, there is absence of heart. This brings to mind peculiar similarities with emotional states, where even sorrow brings a flushed face and tears streaming through eyes.


However, the absence of heat, in the emotional spectrum, is indeed a disastrous precedent. It brings to mind detachment, depression, and a distinct emotion of loss.

the sensations of formerly heralded emotions

begin as pins and ******

ode to them as tears appear on skin taut as paper

undertow of familiar ashes beneath papyrus heart, rosetta mind

though that fragile bough breaks, hurtling us to our end.

Lay me beside you

Lay me to rest


I dare not meet your eyes

Not even in my dreams


Forever tending to the flames between us

Forever shivering in the void you left.

In the ruins of previous lives, ghosts meandered. (soft cheer, and laughter.)

With a skylight turned inside out, cracks, fenestrating form. (soft sobbing, and fear.)

On the desk lay stained glass, and the ashes of yesterday. (softer times, and love.)


Just in time, for the air sirens.

Illustrations on the glass, now of resignation.

Musty tomes fluttered, and in the unnatural torrent of gales,

Angels of metal sent love letters, to wash it all away with indifferent flames.

Gaunt, slipping through time, evading notice.

Buried alive, a small comfort, exaltation of terra firma.

Gauntlets equipped, not unlike shackles, once more into the fray.

Unearthed, foul arcana preserving an empty husk, begging for rest in moans.

"We are defined by the choices we make."
How do we truly understand this sentence, then?
Is it the bottom of the beer bottle in which we find it?
Or the passionate afternoon with that red haired stranger?
Maybe perhaps that beautiful pointless death you bloomed within yourself.
In which case you smiled and said, "It's alright."
Maybe the breaking point was when you realised you spent conforming to avoid being branded otherwise.
Self-immolation isn't that much fun.
It began with a heart-burn.
And continued with a tussle for control within.
Til you realised you could no longer pretend you wanted both sides of the cake.
The hunter and prey.
Then you awoke.
And saw that you were no better, no less than the entirety of the roads you took.
Now this is where you made or broke.
A knife to the arm, a rope to the neck, a pill to wash it all away.
A cacophonous tremor rippling across your psyche.
And you realised.
"Do I deserve this future, death, life I've been craving for? Or are we always, sometimes monsters?"

How are you?

I end up funneling warmth to that part of me.


How have you been?

A simple query, to see if you're still there.


I've missed you.

Bitter frost cracks open with the uninvited warmth.

There is magic where we once held memorable moments

Your glances, there was perfect chemistry in them, enough to quell the melatonin within.

I'll wrangle my ghosts, sipping from a goblet of ashen intent, dusty wills.


Where's the haunting?

I caught you lying

I caught you picking your teeth off the floor

Not so pretty now are you?


Now your dead soul calls out again to me.

With renewed vigor

A slip of the hip

The grip of the finger

I chuckle

I've gotten myself into a pickle, it seems.

For the first time in forever

I'm looking forward to basking in the sun

In the brilliance of something greater than all my dalliances

I'm feeling it now

Actual sunlight.

My own words

Clawed fiery tantrums

Across my contents of the breast


Her very presence

Kissed icy trails

Deep into tissue


She was the very essence of void

Drying up all my fiery wounds

Desiccating me into dust.

Your portrait decays the longer I observe it.

I don't think you deserve the vibrant colours you've been etched by.


Perplexed, perhaps these are my reservations speaking.

Awake, awaiting for your presence to bring a warm pulse shimmering in meaningful gazes.

It has been a long time since the fires flitted across my mind.

Has passion simmered down, or am I just ashes, waiting to be reborn?

With once forgotten sensuality


I kiss you again.

And with the persistence of silence


I turn to the previous chapters


And relive them once more.

It was not courage I found, dwelling up inside.

I roared at empty spaces til I bled out.


Neither was it hope, clinging unto shreds.


I tore apart, tattered ataraxia.

I found the elusive line between cacophony & symphony.

Here I lie,


In peace.

Neither one of us want to say goodbye

Now, I'll be looking you in the eye.


Narrow rivers of red trickle down my arm

Only tears stream down our faces, the knife digging deeper.


Oh, shrouded in grief we became.


Only a minute for us to breathe.


And time resumes, cloaked once again from perception.

I wish this cold warmth of assurance could've been shared.

I hoped that you would've come along, as whole as you were.


((As thick as this lead is, my genuinity was for it all.))


But now, as thin and fading my writing becomes

I've become similar, with soul truly bare

And heart, flushed with actual sunlight.

My eyes fall back down on the floor.


Grounded, but secure.


This is the logical result : I'm leaving the burn marks behind.

A cool, dry corpse, crackling apart piece by piece in the wind.

Leaving only, beautiful bleached bones behind.

Through the scant scratches of pain

And the breaking of reasoning

Thus the collapse of love

Aether illuminating the aftermath's gloom


We've come to realize

Life will always find a way.

I look upon these manacles which I could so easily slip from

These bars that hold me prisoner

So welcome

I'm beginning to forget

The beauty about loss

You crave for sepia

This will come true

Pull me out of this pyre

Be my broken record

Repeating what I need to hear

Til I fall

Deep


Deep





Deep









For you.

All I ever was, to find validation from others.

All that I am now , for contentment.

(Let's go)
Up and down the boulevard of broken dreams

(Shy glance)
Across the boulevard of broken dreams

Saw her again
Shy, like my Dana
Sultry lips
With a scent of distinctness
Infatuated with the thighs, tempting
Inviting, so much like an oasis
In the middle of sandy dunes, twin suns

Two steps from hell
Disturbed
Five fingers I raise
Four I keep, one thumb I raise
Dana walks over to me and smiles.

My body's silently cooling back down

The warmest dead body I've ever had.


Yet as I fade away from you, from me


I'm beside you, in time.

Maybe, just maybe.
  In another life, another time.

We could come together,
  And embrace each other, innocent.

These embers are dying out.

Let us seek new pyres to martyr ourselves on.

There was somebody for each scar we have on our skin ; a flesh canvas streaking raving stark mad.

Fire.

Fire everywhere again.

Only that their flames are freezing ones.

That the warmth, once emblazoned into their being,


Is long dead & gone.

I kneeled down
Picking off cigarettes
Reaching down
Picking up the bouquet


Born of maybes
I still recall her cold touch

Left with her smile
I struggled to my feet

A ballad of kisses
Warmth greater than silence that grew between us.

I set the pyre on fire
Now even in death,


She does not belong to me.

If we go all the way back

To where the night had no hold over us


To silent days laced with kisses

Ending with quiet nights addled with mirth


No more heroes left

Just us villains of our own stories.

Fire, fire everywhere once more.

The only difference, in the middle of this tempest,


I am licked and caressed by the coldest flames I've ever felt.

The persistence of loss insinuates that we once had something, only to lose it.


My blood rushed throughout my body, as I felt countless lips pass mine.

My blood rushed throughout my body, as I recalled endless hurt trickling down my eyes.


The persistence of loss states we were once more, then we understood that we lost things we never knew we had.

Our soft pleading drowns out even the shrillest of screams.


So why does loss play on our tongues,

More than ever, moving on?

With the intensity of these feelings

Feeling goosebumps up my spine

Of condensation of sensation

(you are being too ******* yourself)

<I don't think I would go anywhere without dominance>

<dominance of my thought, heart and soul>


(It's like you're not letting me in.)

<You're projecting.>


I feel what they must have felt, so long ago.

It feels like leaving hope

:   but I am left withered   :
:   choices to accept   :
:   my role in all this   :

Dancing, we go again, not unlike a carousel, spinning in place.

Memories of yesterday when you opened your eyes,

Expecting you to utter words I knew you would never speak


It's time to put this chapter to rest

The future is a white canvas


And only my will

Can leave traces on it.

It's just so difficult
When old scars remain
When love is supposed to be cherished
Instead bloodied foreheads and redeye is all I get

It's just so difficult
While pain lingers
While hate takes over life
And the broken bones and open wounds
is all I have

Help me I'm in Hell
Help me I'm in Hell
Only death awaits
Whether you come to save me or not
It feels that you will just be content to see me drown
I was a mistake.

I'm playing second fiddle to you.
No such thing as champion for good
I'll gladly embrace the devil in me
If only to forget your promise.

I'll let the fires scorch my very soul.

No more succor, no more vice.


If only to keep myself humble.

Look at me, look upon my city and tremble.
We lie asleep, waiting for when the time s ripe,
In shackle's rust, in ragged breaths.

Fear the night's chilling embrace.

Selfish til the end, I never thought I'd be like that.

And if finding
That I moved

from wanting you
Needing you

To not desiring

Any of this



I deserve to be forgotten.

One day I'll find new skin to begin with,
One day I'll find new eyes to yearn with.

I just have to keep working at my heart.