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you're hard to get ahold of i guess.
sorry I was so mean.
i had to hate you.

hmmmm. fingers
and eyelids flashing flashing
Autumn in the winter
squeeze.

you out of my memory.
wake up slow and knowing
there you are right by my side
kissing me awake whispering
my name

what ever we decide

maybe we're on a boat in the tropic of Capricorn
maybe we're in our beautiful bed
in our own beautiful home on the African horn

where ever we decide

slippers and comfy pants
coffee toast and the crossword outside
not a consideration except for,
"hey baby?",
"yeah?",
"you want to take this thing for a ride?"

whatever we decide.

did I remember the concert?
and we might want dinner at that
but really none of that matters as much to me as
the way that it feels
me knowing
with whom I am coming back

to
whatever we decide
my mind reassembles you in your own image
a far better version awaits us
-still-
things you aren't
fall away like dead skin
as you put on your future's possibilities like a cocktail dress, bare foot
holding your shoes
in your right hand

as much as I would like to be holding your left
i watch goodbye
it looks so perfect the way you hold it while you walk
almost skipping
into the warm salt-night
now that you're dead (near)
i sometimes look you up on the interweb
it's a ***** little pleasure
i feel like I'm willfully hurting something
my own masochistic munchausen
suicide by installment
i may run the bath all night
grimy
getting to know the ghosts of you
wrapped around you like a blanket of ermine
reeling from a beckoning before time began
steam gathers and is swirled away giving shape to the subtle breath
of two lovers
one sleeping
dr. fu man chu arrived in a sinister looking limosine
on a tuesday afternoon
with a scribe and a bodyguard and a wig

he strolled back and forth through the yards
looking about him with no mean fascination
then climbed up the front stoop to the door
to look at the house
of my good neighbor
of some long standing

his jeweled cane he grasped with his right hand
and an alibaster egg he cupped with the only one left
there, with no pomp, and very little bother
the business was,
with some haste concluded; and nothing  more easily dispatched.
yes the purchase was made
with hard cash or by trade
the fiendish dr. seemed finally soothed,
his wry smile a creep's;
no photo, catch, or keep
all of the neighbors from a collective mass move.

dr. fu man chu is now my new neighbor,
and a fine one he turned out at that.
i see him walking about
with his cane and his wig
wearing expressions bespeaking hard labor.
from the yards to the steps to the door to his gig,
and finally into his new flat.
drivel
i bit my lip through to my gums
chewed my cheek ******
and drank myself numb
just trying to soothe
the sting of our guns
and keep myself from reloading

of all of the things that we've both been saying
some of mean intent 
some with no meaning

this:

no navigatable course known yet
no sounding of fathoms below it
if we stay on this sea we will
die

talking out loud in conversation about...
nothing, with no one i can hail though I shout
ghosts of yesterday
and easy shade,
please stay away, please stay
fuel my prayer masquerade
in what must be unfortunately fantastic

you, dragging my love around
until my wheels grind me
to my bones, then further down
a psyhic love amputee
laughing
i favor funny now
when coming down
to it
naturally

I quit
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