I was the third and last born
I am the only girl
I am given what I want
All the time
I don't think about it
I ask and I revive
Most of the time
I didn't mean to be selfish
I just noticed it one day
I'm trying to break the trend
But it's proving quite difficult
I'm spoiled
But not by choice
I ask for things
And they but my love
I hate being this way
Sometimes I ask for silly things
Just to take it back
Because I know they'd get it for me
Just because I want it
I want to earn something
Be able to say
"I worked for this"
They just give
Never letting me earn
It may sound nice
But it's not
It feels empty
And cheap
I'm spoiled
But I'm trying not to be
I'm spoiled
But not by choice

My heart's been stabbed
Hurt
And broken
Not by love
But by life
Life was too much for my heart to bare
So I locked it up
And through away the key
I locked it so no one could reach it
No one
Not my parents
Not my peers
Not even me
It stayed like that for so long
Until you came by
You made me feel again
You busted the lock
And made yourself at home
I'm not joking
You bushed in
I don't think I can ever lock my heart again
You made me strong enough that I don't need to
You barged into my life
And knocked down all the walls
And broke all the locks
You did what no one ever did
You loved me for me
With all my oddities
My insecurities
My meanness
My everything
I know you'll never read this
But thank you
From the bottom of my open heart

I'm Broken, But Not Shattered
I've lived for what seems like a long time
To me, who has been alive for 17 years
I am older than I have ever been and have been broken before
To my parents, who have all but forgotten their youth
I am young and have experienced little to no trouble
To my grandparents, who can barley even remember me
I am such little child that I couldn't even fathom pain
To world, who only knows me by my age
I am the source of so many problems
Sometimes I wonder if the pain I feel is real
I mean real to them
Because I know it's real to me
I cry
I feel
I hurt
To those around me
My is trivial
It is nothing
But I have been broken
I have had my heart broken
Not even by love
But by the world
By my parents
By my peers
I have been broken
My parents have showed me
That there is no unconditional love
Nor is there true
My peers how taught me
That he world can be cold
And unwelcoming
I am 17 and broken
But I am not shattered
I will pick up my pieces
And I will make a better and stronger
Me
I may have been knocked down
But I will rebuild
No matter how broken I am
I will not but shattered
Not by my parents
Not by my peers
Not by anyone
I am broken
But not shattered
I will build myself up
So strong
So high
That no one can deny what I feel
And no one can make me feel like that
Ever again
I am broken
But I refuse to be shattered

We are all dying
Life is a symptom of death
Just because you're alive
Doesn't mean you're living
It's a morbid thought
I know
But it's somehow true
It's like the saying
"This too shall pass"
It's morbid
But true
Do you wake up in the morning
Just to go back o sleep at night?
Or do you wake up in the morning
Ready to cram as much live into your live
As you can before sleep forces you to rest?
Do you sit on the sidelines of life
Watching the other people live?
Or do run into the center
Experiencing life with them?
Are you the wallflower?
Or the mixer?
Are you just alive?
Or are you living?

My man has to be strong
So he can carry our kids to bed
When they fall asleep out of their rooms
My man has to be kind
So he can offer support To them
When their sad and I'm not there
My man has to be hardworking
So we can not only support each other
But give them happy lives and good examples
My man has to love
Not only me and my oddities
But our kids and their mistakes
My man has to perfect
By being imperfect
And having quirks that make him fun
My man has to be accepting
Of all my love and support
And their giggles and laughs
My man has to be out there
Because I won't settle for less
And I don't mind being alone

Everyone thinks I'm happy
Thinks I'm always smiling
But I'm not
I frown
A lot
People don't get it
I don't think I have the ability to be happy
Without someone there
Someone to smile for
Someone to make me laugh
Someone to talk to
I feel sad
Most of the time
The saddest thoughts
Are thought
When I'm alone
When I have no one to smile for
No one to make me laugh
No one to talk to
I'm sad
When I'm not near people
I'm sad
I don't even know
Why
I try to be happy
Try to have the capacity
The ability
The motivation
To be happy on my own
But I can't
The smile feels fake
The laugh sounds pained
And I can't tell anyone about it
If I do
They'll see me differently
Like some...thing
They need to tiptoe around
Frightened
That the wrong thing will send me to tears
To be honest
That happens
I cry
Cry for no reason
Cry where no one is looking
Cry whilst hiding behind a computer screen
None of you know me
None of you could
None of you can look me in the eyes
You can't look me in my red tear worn eyes
With your post sob story pity ridden eyes
Eyes that make the pain worse
Eyes that bring me more tears
Eyes that I just can't stand
It's not that I'm not happy when I'm alone
It's that I can't be happy when I'm alone
Not only that
I take time to be able to smile again
If I spend too much time alone
Unhappy
Not smiling
I take a while
To smile for someone again
To laugh without it sounding pained
To talk without seeming depressed
I wish so desperately to be happy
Without anyone there
Be happy when I'm on my own
But I can't be happy when I'm alone

If you don't like prom
You make anti-prom
The "stick it to the man" statement
But in that statement
There is a silent note
It could be that you wanted to go
But couldn't
Wanted to be asked or ask
But wouldn't
Felt a longing to see it
But were too scared
Anti-prom makes a statement
Not always the one you want
When you label anti-prom
You somehow label yourself
If you just don't like the prom
And honestly don't care
You wouldn't feel the need
To stage an anti-prom
You just wouldn't go
Or maybe just had a party
Not saying it was anti-prom
Just having your friends over
Anti-prom is a silly cliche
That tell the world
"The prom hurt me in someway"
Though I am tempted to stage an anti-prom
I know the statement I'm making
I'm saying
"I'm a little too scared to go to prom"
I admit it
I do
Anti-prom
The biggest cliche
Next to the prom itself