Stevie nicks
Blasting in my ears
****
I haven’t had a moment to breathe
Without you breathing down my neck
Where is the time to love myself
I have none
By the time I’m done being what my parents need me to be
I come home to be what you want me to be
When do I have time to process who I am
I can’t
I. Literally cannot anymore
I have reached my cherry on top
And there are several
When should I consider the end being in the end

how are you supposed to tell a person things without them not feeling the intensity of your words
I am not for everyone, and that is my magic
You cannot take that from me
I am starting to loose my self because you have constantly kept finishing faults in me
Imagine telling someone who is so sensitive
You no longer want to be involved in their family
Given the dynamics of us
How do you expect me to not feel pain knowing that
Knowing that the picture I have painted in my life was not this
I grew up daydreaming of marriage and kids
That completely has vanished but when I see kids I feel a sort of emptiness
Mind you
I understand that this is what I have chosen
I am still allow to feel the pain
It does not just vanish out of nowhere
I actually have not had the time to think
To write
To let my mind spill
Because I have centered my world around you
And unfortunately only your words have been inside my head
Tell me
How is a person supposed to feel when they hear things like
I do not want to hang out with your friends ever again
Tell me
How is someone supposed to get vulnerable and tell you everything
And you come back and slap them back in my place
Personally how am I supposed to become a better person
  When I’m constantly fed things about myself
While I know I am not perfect
I know I’m not that bad
Imagine someone telling you that every time they talk to you
You don’t know how to listen
When all you learned to do while healing was listen
The confidence within yourself
Matter, let it out
You tell me things about myself to frequent
You bring up my past relationships
And question why they ended
Because I ended them
Point blank period
Imagine knowing how someone treated you
And you are over here trying to form a conversation with them
I’m not telling you to be mean
But I know  exactly who you are
You don’t things it’s a lot for me to carry
You don’t think I’m constantly fighting things
I told you I wanted to turn the page and enjoy my time with you
You responded with
I’m drained I want to go home shower and go to sleep at 4:30 pm
Why would I stay around someone that just told me that ?
I told you from the beginning
I have layers that require patience
I have numbed myself
I have lost confidence in who I am
I asked you the other day can I come see you play kickball
I’ll even sit far you wouldn’t know I’m there
You respond back with I’d rather have somewhere I don’t have to hide

Thanks for the support

Just wow

I literally always feel like a **** person

And I’m not

I know my worth.

I never caved
'to what I was told
I wrote drunk
and edited sober
I created my own path
standards
rules
and devotions
if you knew
I thrive if I am loved properly
baby I am a butterfly
I always break through

the best teacher is your experience
we cannot nurture others from a dry spell
selfcare is not selfish
she wept because she was an empath
a sponge that always felt the need to heal
then she started to walk the road lonely
always left dry
so she built walls and mountains
and in order to be in
you needed to be it
she always knew
from the smile of your smirk
fake trends
she followed her own scent
I never needed to be liked
but I was always loved
and if I felt comfortable
id be loving too

tears are dry
I wish I could allow misery to hang around
I have come to being oblivious to anything that doesn't involve
love
within my soul
aches a romance
that pours into my character
you have
accepted every naked side of me
there is a beauty in the breakdown
have you ever been loved from the inside out?
you will never move the same ever again.

fall in love with the person who enjoys your madness
I look forward to laughter together
flowers grow back even after the hardest winters
the rose that grew from concrete
I am trying to live without pretending
love without depending
listen without defending
and spend without offending
thank you for being a friend and much more
are words I want to accomplish
daily
a good person
that I am.

muses
or mentally stimulating thoughts
I haven't been writting
but my soul has been typing
unwinding whenever I am with you
emotions don't drown my sound when im in love with you
slow dancing in peace
cloud  9 does exist
you and I
are there
existing within the frames of love
we perfectly fit well together
a romantic
classical
old times
movie
everyday is a love story
with you